This is meant to be sung as a song, hence the choppy flow
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hey!
Fanta here With the review you requested!
Just a note, not having to do With Your piece,
right now i'm writing on a computer that has some loose buttons,
and is generally pretty weird when it puts big letters in front of a completly normal Word.
But I'll edit it the best I can.
Anyway, onto Your piece!
I really liked it! Kept imagining someone singing it, and then the flow somehow made sense.
"But when you get too Close
I let it happen"
What is happening here? Is it that they are letting them come Close, or is it something else?
I actually had to like think about it for like ten Seconds, so that messed a little With the flow for me. But you don't have to change that.
"I feel like im losing controll
but whatever, I'll get it soon"
Here is the same thing. I had to think about it for a while, but it's great that you made it like that, so you have to actually think about it. Or you understand it at once. I mean, we're all different.
Sorry this review wasn't very helpful, but this is an amazing piece! If you plan on recording this song and put it out there, I look forward to hearing it.
Your friend,
Fanta
thanks for pointing those areas out to me
i may record it as a song...one day in the future lol
That's great! And you're welcome!
Hey writer
Not so much certain if this is the conventional method to audit things, so endure me on the off chance that it sounds somewhat irritating.
Verse is a...strange class. It's a moving mammoth, a beast that was never intended to be subdued, never intended to be kept down by social standards and unimportant good discussions. So I'm watchful while looking into verse, since it for the most part totally relies upon the peruser whether the creators' struck a nerve or whether they haven't.