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138,162 Literary Works • 672,077 Reviews
I would definitely suggest expanding on this. It's not really a poem in its own right, but it could easily become a stanza of something bigger. At the very least, it's missing something. It needs a line or two more to really make it complete.
Also, I honestly think it would flow smoother without the commas. Give it a try and see how you feel about it.
Hello Fellow Friend!
The poem is a beautiful description.
Unfortunately, this poem is a fragment... If you add the two commas suggested by the other fellow reviewer then it will be perfect! Thank you!
Keep up the work!
just a little grammar, thats all....
The needle,
you drove in, and
threaded through
my heart.
just two lonely commas that you forgot in your brain... like i said.just some grammar. but overall i really like this poem of yours! i am not that good at grammar so i am not sure i put the commas in the right spots.... (-:
Hey there hopeless03 here to give a review.
So I just wanted to say this was a really good just short enough for it to stand out. I like it a lot, it's way better than what I can think of. I like how it holds meaning and yet it's so small. Keep writing and stay beautiful!
-Sara Belle