Paper Girl

This was a great poem! It reminded my of the book Paper Towns by John Green. You used punctuation perfectly. I really liked the three questions you asked in stanzas one and two. I thought the use of paper to describe the girl was perfect. It shows that she appears to be flat, bendable, and two-dimensional. She lets people write all over her. I wish sometimes that people would think for themselves, and this poem perfectly captured that idea.

Damn, you're a one writer.

This whole poem is a beautiful imagery of how fragile girls can be and how they cloud their own minds. Is very heart- breaking and is just so real and true.

Hullo fortis! Mistress Venom's here to review!

So, I really liked this piece. You're such a talented writer!
I like it how you described a a girl with low self-esteem. They pay too much attention to what others say that they let them change herself.
She's too concerned about others' judgement. People try to break her down and they make her feel low.

It's amazing how you have no flaws. This is a flawless piece of writing.
I really like the voice of the poem.

Well done! Keep up the good job!

XOXO
MistressVenom

And Happy Reviewing!

Hey there again, fortis!

OMG, I absolutely love your poems!
Hey, hey, I LOVE THIS. <3
I think that you're talking about a specific girl or the insecure girls in general. They are insecure and frail like paper. They let other's judgement matter too much.
Did I get that right?
Anyways, amazing poem. I really enjoy your poems. :3
Amazing job!
Keep writing,
~ Gigi

P.S. I'd like to put it in my blog too. I'll include your name and link to this poem. You wouldn't mind, would you?

I really love the concept of this poem! I've always been one for free-verse, and I think that you executed this very well. I feel like paper girl is shy and soft; she's very relatable, at least to me. I especially love the line, "You flutter in the merest gust, and I'm afraid I'll lose you if someone blows too hard." I feel like it really sums up the whole of the poem. Great job!

Spheawithit here... Happy reviewing day..

I like this poem. I get a hint from the use of paper girl that she isn't able to stand up for herself or lets people will walk all over her. If it is I can totally relate.

It makes me think like shes covering herself up and not showing her real self. I feel that the narrator so to speak of this piece is close to this girl in some way. It feels as if the narrator is concerned and want's to tell people what is happening to this girl.

The use of free verse is good. I know it's harder to write than if it rhymed. Keep up the good work.


Sphealwithit out.....

Almost to my first star! I am AsianQueen17, a newbie, here to do you a review on this fine piece of literature!

I really like this poem. I think your concept went superb. I like that you used paper girl at the beginning of every sentence. The free verse all just clicked, you must be really good at what you do. I would like to see more poems from you because they seem to be interesting and I think you do well at clicking things together. (If that makes any sense to you.)

My favorite stanza had to be all of the 2nd one. I just liked it for some reason, it is hard for me to explain it. XD You don't have any grammar issues which that is great because that is a big deal to me. Also, I don't know if you were trying but you did good with imagery because I can just see the paper girl being all flimsy and dirty with writing all over her.

God Bless!

This is lovely! I, like everyone else who has reviewed, love the usage of a paper girl as a metaphor. You conveyed your image in a very straightforward manner while leaving some room for personal thoughts for the reader. My favorite lines have to be the ending--

'You flutter in the merest gust,
and I'm afraid I'll lose you
if someone blows too hard.'

I like how you managed a free verse that flows smoothly from stanza to stanza. Well done. c:

This was an amazing way to express the concept of a girl who lets people use her -- I am really impressed. The idea of a paper girl is really creative, she has been bent and folded so much, that she looks and acts like nothing she really is. The poem is really impactful and has a great message behind it. The description and imagery you used, even brought to life the poem more. The poem was overall perfect, no grammatical errors, and perfect use of imagery and words. Keep writing - Bigmacloves

Hey Fortis,

In a nutshell, it seems the bulk of the piece focuses on the superficiality of paper by depicting sort of ugly/gross imagery (such as drenched paper/ grafitti/ creases, etc) and thus, being "paper-like" is symbolized as being substanceless/superficial.

Part of what interests me most about this piece is this feeling I get that the speaker/narrator is fond of Paper girl. It's unclear exactly what the direct relationship is, I think my first assumption is that the speaker/narrator is a close friend. The interesting dynamics between these two "characters", while a bit undefined has probably impacted me most. It says a whole lot in the poem that even though the narrator criticizes this girl for being paper-like, at the end, the narrator is afraid most of losing her. The tone of the piece from the very beginning is almost even of disgust and of judgement -- but as a reader I am led to conclude that the disgust and judgement is towards Paper girl's self-destructing actions/behavior as opposed to Paper girl herself. Thus, we're to be disgusted at what paper girl is doing to herself, and not paper girl herself.

If the above perspective is your intention, one way to go about making this more powerful might be in trying to demonstrate and specify the relationship between Paper girl/narrator, that way in the end, when we get the lines "I'm afraid I'll lose you" it would resonate much more powerful. Part of the reason it's not quite working to its fullest extent is because we don't know the stakes. We don't know what the cost of losing Paper girl will be or how significant she is to the narrator -- but then, that all depends on whether or not you want the emphasis to be on the relationship between these two characters (admittedly I find this much more fascinating) or if you want the emphasis to be on how being flimsy/passive/substanceless is self-destructive/bad. Right now the two ideas are kind of juxtaposed in there, so maybe one way to revise it is to choose one of the two and focus it more/focus on making it resonate more.

I hope this helps. Of course, let me know if you have any questions or want to chat this one up with me.

~ as always, Audy

This was an amazing way to express the concept of a girl who lets people use her -- I am really impressed. The idea of a paper girl is really creative, she has been bent and folded so much, that she looks and acts like nothing she really is. The poem is really impactful and has a great message behind it. The description and imagery you used, even brought to life the poem more. The poem was overall perfect, no grammatical errors, and perfect use of imagery and words. Keep writing - Hsarver

Wow this was incredible. Review for you.

First of all, this is a great poem which possesses a beautiful central metaphor. (That of comparing the girl to paper, which I'd hope most of us on this site are familiar with.) I think the way you conveyed the narrator's paranoia and apprehension about the treatment and ill will of others towards the the "paper girl" very well, especially in the last two stanzas. I read this from the standpoint of a concerned lover, possibly trying to warn his sweetheart about the cold hard realities of the world. (I tend to romanticize EVERYTHING, though ) I think this could be interpreted in a variety of ways, and that's what makes it so awesome. Once again, your use of the paper metaphor is amazing. It's such a perfect metaphor human insecurity and/or vulnerability. I especially love the way you mirrored people writing on paper with imposing their insults and/or ill thoughts upon another human being.

With all of the good that's in this poem, there is one minor adjustment that I would make. In the second to last stanza, you say: "Paper girl, why are you so ruined?" and go on to say "your paper is no longer smooth." Simply because we're rolling with that personificative metaphor, I'd change that to "your skin is no longer smooth." As for the previous line I mentioned, I think it would be in your best interest to open that stanza with a more visual line that really sells home the change in this so called paper girl. Rather than asking "why are you so ruined?", I believe it would speak volumes to the depth of the narrator if you went with something along the lined of "They have ruined you." or, "You are not the same."

Either way, Great Job! I thoroughly enjoyed reading and analyzing this work and I hope my feedback is helpful!!!

-GL24

Knight Dragon, here to review! [I am seriously high on sugar right now, but I'll try to be calm in this review]

Technical:
"You have your own thoughts,
let them show!"
This should be two sentences, not one. Or, if you want one sentence, change the comma to a semi-colon

"The rain has drenched you,
your paper is no longer smooth."
Same as before.

Content: I loved the imagery and consistency of this poem! I could just picture everything. You captured it perfectly. Good job.

And PS if you haven't entered anything into the KOTGR Library challenge, I'd suggest this.

The imagery behind that was really good and the message could be interpreted in many ways, what is the story behind this girl? who is paper girl? "Insults are your faulty armor." that was a really great line. I couldn't find anything wrong with this piece it was truly spectacular!