Hobo Billy

I liked this poem. Randomly Pulled up this piece and liked it. This reminds me of all the people that get murdered and how people get away with it. My favorite part was "I asked why he had a bullet wound. They said it was suicide." Because this just shows how deep it got in my opinion. Although this is old I'm still glad I got a chance to read it so good job. Goodbye. Adios.

This is a pretty powerful poem!
You've done yet again a great job here, fortis and your works never fail to grab my attention.
I agree with Fiend on the last lines, just to break them up to add more of a punch to the end, making the poem totally finish and lead the reader down those last lines to a complete ending. Just thought the breaking up would work here
The way you said that the narrator asked about the bullet hole wound.. That was magnificent, you have a serious talent, great work yet again!
-CFG

I find this to be rather deep, whether you intended it or not. One of the literary devices you have used is the simple language, used to reflect the everyday feeling about the death to which you object. This could all be made up boulderdash, but that is how it struck me. The one thing I feel is missing is the end. Perhaps rather than
"Or mabey he's simply gone."
You could have
"Or mabey
He's simply
Gone?"
See what I mean? A little more punch.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

This is an interesting poem right from the get go. The rhythm was catchy but then once you hit line 4 it kind of went flat and the rhythm was lost.

"They found Hobo Billy,
the friendly neighborhood bum,
floatin’ in the river today.
They said he drowned."

I guess I was expecting a rhyme of some sort, I feel like line 2 and 4 should rhyme. Either way it was a good poem! Keep writing!

Ash Strangelove here and I have a review for you.
One word to describe this poem
Groovy
That and remarkable
This poem honestly blew me away. It struck me hard. Would I call this sad? No, but it does seem like it. It shows human fault and other in a small poem. I like how the city doesn't care for him, which captures human neglection. He got murdered, but they said it was a suicide and didn't have a burial for him
I honestly have no problem with the flow. It is choppy, but it's ok. I think it works better being choppy
This is an insta-favorite of mine
Ash Strangelove gives you...
9.8/10 (The highest I have ever given a poem)
Great job
Keep writing
Stay Groovy

The idea of breathing a hobo. Yum.

My major advice to you is regarding flow. Your line breaks are average and predictable, but don't give much constitution to the aqueous movement of the piece. Otherwise, the poem is legit. Your images are spot-on, and the lyricism is here, but I feel like it fell flat for something that could've been much more impacting. I honestly wish I knew more about him--more reasons to care, even if he was a conduit to show the decline of the city/society.

I'm not a fan of the ending line, how it just falls flat without sentiment. If you're going for an existential note, then you can drive the stake a bit harder without overbearing.

Keep writing.

D:
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The first three lines made me cry. More heartbreaking than Titanic and other 'sad' things.


This poem was incredible.
I must say, it is very well done, it hits you hard and makes you think. It has so many alternate meanings and especially reflects society. It shows us how people ultimately don't care/ how people try to avoid trouble with people who have no meaning/ more stuff... I can even list what I got out of this. All I can say is that it is very very well done good job my good sir.

I want to give you a proper review, but all I see are good things, perfect words, I really can't find anything for you to improve on here. The ending was perfect, the begginign was perfect. Blah. Just. Good job.

Knight Malachi here to Review for the Knights of the Green Room on this splendid and exciting review Day.

So this poem is somewhat sad, very random, and i don't really get the point of it. but it is very well written, pretty descriptive, and very easy to see in my mind. I t was an interesting title that caught my eye, but i have to say the the poem didn't do a lot for me. Oh, well i'll leave it to other reviewers to tell you what they think.
Keep it up!