Zebra Stripes

Haiku's are difficult. You're writing a few lines of words which are supposed to convey thought and meaning to the read, yet you have so few words to actually use. But I think you've not only captured the essence of the Haiku here, but also of poetry.

I don't have any criticism for your poem, it's simple in its nature, but conveys a very dangerous thought to human kind; that there's black and white underneath and everything is not as it seems. I can sense the feeling of rejection here, but also, with the first line, that one is attempting to befriend or love another.

All in all, I don't much care for Haiku's, but this is fine work.

Thank you fortis!

I really like this haiku, since it makes me think deeply and create a story of my own.

Well, I'm just going to assume that it's about someone trying to help someone. However, the person who's trying to help out and reach out to them is being pushed away, and is hiding their scars.

Overall, this a really good piece. Continue writing, please.

Hullo fortis!

Hey, I really like your short poem!

If I'm right it's talking about self-harm scars; how they don't want to be helped and shut out the people who want to help the cutters.

It's a nice way to relate to the scars, "zebra stripes".

All in all, it's perfect and very deep. It's surprising how you brought up such a deep theme in a very short poem like this.

Really nice job!

Happy Reviewing World Cup!

XOXO
MistressVenom

This is so beautifully written, I just love it!
I personally love haikus, and you've captured the emotions and such just perfectly within these 17 syllables!
"Zebra Stripes" - Such a great way of describing the scars.
I am sorry, but in no way can I suggest any improvements, it's just perfect. I really enjoy your writing!
-CFG

I don't say much in my reviews because I like to keep things simple.

Now, this haiku is well- written, it had a very high impact on my emotion by all three lines but mostly, the last.

Zebra stripes, what an interestingness way to describe scars....and it makes me wonder.... Again and again, about the possibilities.

You have written a wonderful poem, keep it up!

-X

As of late I've been enjoying haikus more and more. They are simple and can be rather powerful, if done right. I tend to have a respect towards those who atempit haikus as they are difficult. Reviewing them is also hard as the poem is so short which will make the review short.

Anyway, I liked the subject matter you tackled even though it has been done many times before you made it your own.

hide your zebra stripes

I had to read this after seeing it on the home page so many times. And then had to read the reviews to get what it meant. *Dork moment*

Hey!

Trying to review this work in a way that does it justice is difficult.

Haiku's are hard enough to pick on anyway, because they are so short. In this case, it is so obtuse, so thought provoking that this review is nigh on impossible.

I would say:

'I reach out to you,' shows want on the part of the character.

'but you pull down your sleeves and...' this suggests some sort of rejection, or lack of wanting to reciprocate.

'hide your zebra stripes.' I am not sure how to interpret this line. But I guess it could refer to someone hiding their true appearance.

Good job.

You really made the reader think a lot in so few words.

I always find haiku, the most powerful of poems. Such powerful meanings packed into seventeen or so syllables. When you think about it, is an incredible achievement and I especially love you work. Because it makes me think, it makes me wonder and then, it makes me think again.

I greatly appreciate it that in a poem.

You wrote, 'I reach out to you' -Are you trying to help someone? A friend, perhaps?

But you pull down your sleeves and - 'easily enough to interpret'

'hide your zebra stripes'- now this part, makes me wonder. What is fortis talking about? Well, it must be physical. So, is it scars or bruises from self-harm or is it something else? Much deeper.

Is a very very powerful poem and I love this haiku. I'm impressed, very.

-L

Hey there fortis!

It took me a while to figure it out (I know I'm slow :p ) but I think you are talking about scars. That you are trying to help someone out with the mess of their life but they don't want you to, so they shut you out.
It's like someone cuts themselves but when you try to get close to them, they just pull down their sleeves (lock you out).

I really love this. I just absolutely love this. <3

P.S. Do you mind if I put this in my blog? Don't worry, I'll include your name and the link to this.

Really well written and keep writing!

~ Gigi

I think I understand what this means:

You're trying to help somebody with their self-harm issues, but they refuse to give in and they hide their scars; their 'zebra stripes'.

That's really deep and beautiful for 3 lines. Good job ;D

Hey fortis!

Three lines can certainly have a lot of meaning, can't they? Okay, so haikus aren't really my strong point, but I'm here to review anyway. Okay, so first of all after I understood what it "meant" I liked it. At first I was like, what? But now, I think I get it. This was a cool poem. It might mean something different to everyone, but to me, it seems as though you're trying to help someone, or be their friend, but they're shying away from you. It's like, they're afraid. Okay, so why do I think that? Let's find out, shall we?

"I reach out to you,"
This was a nice way to start the haiku. It's technically a sentence, but it makes you want to know more. Who are you reaching out to? Why are you reaching out? What's going to happen? Very nice.

"but you pull down your sleeves and"
And...what? Must read more!

"hide your zebra stripes."
Okay. Let me read this again. So, that's what I did.

It might just be me, but I had to read this through a few times before I understood it better. I'm not sure why you wrote this, but it's a beautiful piece of literature.
Keep writing!

-FCS