We must part ways now, it seems.
But I tell you this before I go,
you have not been insignificant.
Although these cosmos may tell us otherwise,
You have been a major force in my universe.
So if the Sun's travel, over and over,
across the sky seems to demean you,
seems to taunt your trivial existence,
Just remember me and my confession.
You may not have been what I revolved around,
but you have pulled me so far into your gravity well,
I cannot return to the orbit I was in before.
This life may feel like a "dream within a dream:"
Nothing we do has value,
Nothing will last.
But I tell you, you have left your mark on me.
You have marked me every time you have spoken to me.
I have soaked up your words.
You have been part of the ocean
that is eating at my shore.
And when I am gone,
My sand returned to that sea,
I will forever remember you,
And your waves crashing against me,
Along with all the others who shaped my being.
For you know I did not shape myself.
I have been shaped partially in the mold
Of everyone I have ever met.
Including you.
To have this effect on a human being....
Do you still feel as a dream within a dream?
-----
Inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's poem: "A Dream Within a Dream."
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139,564 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Beautiful
. Very descriptive, with a great flow. A bit repetitive, but I don't mind it much. Keep writing 
Hey Fortis,
This was interesting in that it it reveals the bleakness of Poe's inception poe-m and acts as a reconciliation from it delivering hope and a positive outlook! That first stanza especially, I definitely feel the Poe-influence there, which is nice - and I like the theme and the message here of people influencing each other and how that empathy is what makes life real.
My biggest critique though is that it's too repetitive. You have a strong message! But that message gets sort of watered down/diluted with each reiteration.
in other words: you are important
iow: you are important, even if people say otherwise
iow: routine/dull existence, but
remember I said you were important
and on and on.
Same reiteration of the routine/dull existence in stanza 2. In fact, I like how you put it the first time about the sun's journey taunting you -- that is a strong image. It's personification, and it doesn't heavily heavily rely on Poe. The 4th stanza says the same thing, but it's telling it instead of using the figurative device.
Say it once, say it right!
Also! I just want to add that I do this a lot too x_x; Finding new ways and different words to express an idea is kind of like the opening door to the whole poetic process, and trust, it's a long process! What I'd suggest to edit this piece is to bring out your scissors and chainsaws and cut up your babies. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Until you are left with only your gems, because they're there. They are sooo there, I can smell 'em. But you're hiding them in all the words!
Hope this helps,
~ Auds
Thanks for this excellent review! And yes it helps. ^^
As soon as I started reading this poem I was sucked into it's fast pace and excitement. Although I'm not familiar with Poe's poem, I was nonetheless impressed despite possibly not understanding some allusions. Your use of vivid verbs throughout gives the poem meat and is refreshing. I loved the metaphor of the universe and thought the ending was beautiful. Keep up the good work, and write on!
So this is where yours went. I like it.
This is gorgeous