There’s a world inside you
as secret as can be,
It’s hiding right behind your eyes,
Where all but you can see.
You must rely on others
to find this world for you
They can glimpse this hidden place
in windows you see through.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,860 Literary Works • 672,935 Reviews
The ones who can glimpse that world would be the ones who can see through your soul.
The piece says it all. It is amazing in the sense that it is so short, and yet it hits you right there, and conveys the ultimate sense of intimacy, and or sharing, and of a longing for love. It makes you feel loved, to have someone who you can 'rely" on "to find this world for you".
I absolutely loved it.
Although this is short, and I usually don't like short poems unless the message is very strong. I must say I really enjoyed this. There are a few grammar errors. You should place commas between some words. I like the emotion expressed in this poem. Very good job. Keep writing.
Good job! I loved the meaning behind this poem. I found it very insightful and full of inspiration. Thank you for sharing! I can't wait to read more of your work.
There is one thing that I must point out, though. The last line:
"in windows you see through."
doesn't seem to fit with the rhythm that is set for your poem. Perhaps, rather than saying "you see through", you could say "to the soul." I understand that with this last line you are trying to refer more specifically to the eyes, but this line confused me, first because it didn't go with the rhythm and second because it just didn't seem to make sense the first time I read it. As well, when saying "in windows to the soul," the first thing I think of is eyes because, though it is a cliche statement, it always refers directly to the eyes. However, I found no other confusing phrases in your poem.
Thanks for sharing!