I want to live
where the sun goes down,
and enters
the depths of the ocean.
Where its fiery flame
is extinguished.
Where darkness comes first,
and dim, red light next,
then quickly turns black again.
And all the faces are true,
for none can deceive
when there’s not enough light
to see clearly.
People there are what they say;
there are no lies.
No one can prove them wrong.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
I love this a lot. I like it's depth and complexity. The comparisons are really interesting to. You say that they can't deceive, but perhaps they are? Are they really lies if you can't prove them wrong? I like the theories behind it.
The rhythm is a little off and the stanzas are all different lengths. It goes in a pattern from longer to shorter, so it's not too bad.
I really love this poem and I can't wait to read more of your works.
Amazing! I love this! Very creative. You should be proud of this!
I do agree with dragonfphoenix though. It was hard to find the transition. But you did reach it eventually.
Besides that, I personally think you did very well on the poem. The title is eye catching. The story draws readers in. You did very well on this.
Keep this up! c:
I hope to see more from you very soon!
I liked the poem up until the last three lines. I felt like you hadn't transitioned well, and upon further review I found your transition, but it still felt pretty abrupt. We start out describing this beautiful, magical place (where the sun goes down), and all these characteristics of it, and then BAM! "People are what..." ??? How does that tie into the poem? Are you describing the people of that land? Or are you talking about people here? If you're talking about that land, a simple "there" behind the "say" would greatly help tie those last three lines to the entire poem.
Hope this helps!
Epic bro! This site continues to amaze me and you help that happen! This piece you wrote was very well written you have all the right words and I never found an error in your works. I'm surprised that you don't have any reviews! The title is eye catching and I went back to read it, I hope you write more stuff cause I'll be waiting and watching out for it!
Lol this is so awesome!!!! Keep writing! You'll have to or else I think I'll stop breathing dude! I have soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to say to you!! WRITE MORE... NOW!!!!!