I’m a marionette
With candy strings
Pulled and jerked
To the sound of a harp.
I play for shadows
And perform this clumsy dance
In my box theater
Of corrugated cardboard.
Pennies Pennies,
Copper-coated pennies
Plink! Plink!
At the bottom of the cup.
Rum-bye-yay, rum-bye-yah!
The loping meter advances
Rum-bye-yay, rum-bye-yah!
The strings tangle.
My platform is ebony
And I stare down
Hung from these candy strings
A convict in a noose.
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Canary word: Present
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127,935 Literary Works • 671,488 Reviews
Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderful Review Day!
Technical:
"I play for shadows
And perform this clumsy dance
In my box theater
Of corrugated cardboard"
That last line needs a period. Otherwise it spills over into the next stanza, where it doesn't belong.
"The loping meter advances", this line needs period too. Otherwise it just doesn't seem to fit.
I liked the imagery of the poem, and how you ended it with a tie-back (no pun intended) to the title. Also how you had this underlying theme of being trapped or caged.
"I’m a marionette
With candy strings
"I play for shadows
"In my box theater
Of corrugated cardboard
"My platform is ebony
"Hung from these candy strings
A convict in a noose."
All of those lines play into the subtle, underlying theme of entrapment and loss of freedom. I liked that, especially since it wouldn't be immediately apparent. Good job, and keep it up!
Hope this helps! Happy Review Day!
Fortis! My beautiful grill friend! You know me, I know you, so I'll just skip the "Griffin, here to review this lovely work of yours!" spiel. Oh, look, I just said it. ^-^
Onward! I like this poem quite well, actually. I always like the theme of a marionette doll, even if it is a bit overused and cliche, but I like what you did with this here. My favorite part was the last phrase,
LOVE IT. So...dark and eerie. Awesome.
However, I didn't really like the fourth stanza,
It didn't make much sense, and I personally think you could do without it. Just my opinion, though, so don't mind silly ol' me!
Overall, I really liked this poem. Great job, grill girl.
Keep writing and being awesome!
~GC
Thanks for your review, guffin!
I'm not really a poem fan, but I liked this, particularly because of its length.
Poems are usually confusing for me. Too much symbolism and stuff.
But this was very descriptive and detailed, and I understood it and liked it.
In fact, cause I found a poem that I actually liked, you level up!
...No?
Okay, you "gain a follower". Psh, technical terms.
-Bacon
You can't tell but, this a review..... My review is starting.................now! Well, actually it already started before that, but I just want to make it sound fun. I can picture the marionette with candy strings. It looks ugly in my head. I am guessing that the candy strings are gum, lickerish, or something else long, and stretchy! I did not read the whole thing..... The only part I read was.....well actually, I HAVE read the whole thing. I like how it is short so I can read the entire thing. I am guessing that this is a poem still in the green room! So I guess........END OF REVIEW AND GOODBYE!