Hello Big Blue
Thy welcoming arms outspread
Thou hold’st down the sky, a flat line
The gulls laugh over thee
Let me in Big Blue
Thou art frigidly warm
Thy base cuts my feet
Then heals them
Let me stay Big Blue
Staring into thy eternal being
Thou art static on a gray slate
Always moving, always moving
Embrace my life Big Blue
Devour it and let me become
Part of thy infinity
Forever in motion as one should be
I cannot stay Big Blue
Other callings pull me away
Let me feel thy power once more
Rush over my head
Bye Bye Big Blue
‘Till I see thy face again
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137,699 Literary Works • 672,062 Reviews
Okay heres a quick review for this amazing masterpeice
Dude this was so amazing@ i loved how you started and ended it and I have to say I enjoyeed it so much? The grammar and punctuation was perfecto and I love it love it love it
the usage of words and the descriptions were wonderful too and also the perfect formatting
I have to say this was wonderful
Thats all for now
happy review day
Umaima
:d
Loved this poem sooooo mcuh
Mimi, I feel like you are just going around copying all my reviews halfheartedly.
I didn't even read any of your reviews for heavens sake
look black, I am already pissed at you and trust me I dis not okay! It was last minute and I was typing like crazy so get over yourself! i have no interest in copying you or anyone
Hmm. I like most of this poem. I think it's interesting that you chose an archaic voice with which to address the sea -- it automatically shows your respect and is an aspect of building that personality for Big Blue.
The biggest problem I have with this poem is the ending. I understand that probably in real life you had to leave the sea, but it's a terribly unsatisfying ending for this poem. I feel like if you cut the last two stanzas and ended the poem with "forever in motion as one should be" it would even be better. Because that's the tone I get from the first few stanzas: this is an eternal thing. This is a wide thing. This is a godly thing -- how can you walk away from it?
One more thing I'd recommend is looking into some punctuation. Unless I'm missing something, you don't seem to be playing with the absence of it. It doesn't give any sentences second meanings or anything. If you're not playing with the concept of punctuation, you'll want to just do it by the standard. The best way to do it is take out all the line breaks, punctuate this pieces as though it were prose, and then put the line breaks back in.
You have nice concrete images: gulls laughing over a line, freezing and healing feet, etc. I'd say if you clean it up, maybe add an image or two of light to reflect off the motion of the sea, you'll have a nice little poem here. Let me know if you have any questions or comments on my review. Good luck, and keep writing!
Hellow there, you will be my final review for review day (maybe) I think so since there are only 8 minutes remaining so I hope you can enjoy this review wheeee yes .
I like this poem. I like the way you make use of the old style language, as we rarely see poems like that nowadays.
I love your use of metaphors, personification, and in general imagery, you take advantage of literacy techniques and use them well. well done
There isn't much time to write much, but in truth I feel like there is not much to write, I liked it, I enjoyed it, I cant find anything to improve upon content wise.
You do need punctuation though.
for example
More punctuation is also needed, I find it hard to go over it all right now though.
anyway, good job and I hope you have a nice day.
OK, here to review as promised. Or did I promise? Anyway.
This poem is well written, although I don't care for free-verse poems as much as rhyming ones, this one was well done. But I don't rally get what this poem is about. Who is Big Blue? Maybe it's just me, but that is my thought. Your description was pretty good though, so I would just suggest more detail, and you should be good.
Keep it up!
"Big Blue" is the sea. These were my musings as I played in the ocean.
Oh! Wow that makes tons of sense now.
I liked the dichotomies and paradoxes you had in this poem. "Thou art frigidly warm", "Thou art static on a gray slate- Always moving, always moving.", and a few others. The rhythm felt a little off because the first stanza was so short and the rest were so long (comparatively), but I don't know if you'll want to change that.
And when I first read the title I thought you were referencing IBM's chess-playing supercomputer.
Thank you for this review!
I actually meant "static" as in static on a tv or radio.
This is a review made by me! I am starting to think that this is a Poem which has not made it to the Poems section yet. Are you calling the sea Big blue? You said that it is warm so its probably near a hot place in the world. What is the base? How does it cut your feet and heal them? I HAVE TOO MANY QUESTIONS! What does thy mean? You want the sea to go over your head and land on it? Do people need you and you need to leave the sea? Actually you don't NEED to, but you just WANT TO. So, thats all I will talk about so I guess........END OF REVIEW AND GOODBYE! OR MAYBE NOT GOODBYE! THIS IS THE SHORTEST REVIEW EVER! OR MAYBE IT ISNT! I JUST WANT TO GET TO 600 POINTS! GOOD EVENING OR NIGHT! WHATEVER TIME IT IS!I will just say goodbye.....GOODBYE!