So, you all know what floriology is, right? Good. Because this poem says nothing and eveyrthing at the same time.
Kennedia: Intellectual beauty
Red Carnation: Admiration
Xeranthemum: Cheerful in adversity
Sage: Great respect, Wisdom
Buttercup: Childishness
Clover (Four-leaf): Will you be mine?
Satin-Flower: Sincerity
---
I loved your gray hairs, like Kennedias,
they overshadow other petals.
I wore red Carnations for you on my dress,
but you never deciphered what they meant.
You said in words I'm a Xeranthemum
that can see art in sombered crows.
You spilled seeds of Sage around my soul...
and I wondered if it was intentional.
I stopped using Buttercup perfume,
and I took a walk with you on the meadow.
I saw all types of leaves and flowers,
but you only heard a childish laughter.
With a woman's eyeliner I wrote on a napkin,
"Would you want, my dear, a four-leaf clover?"
Then I made fun of the thought that slumbered..
Why start something that's already over?
All I ever dared to say was never too direct;
It's ambiguous as equivocality...
I learned to never say but to show;
To write in secret garden codes.
Perhaps I never gave away Satin-flowers,
but maybe you never dreamed of having them.
Hey there,
I love the idea behind this poem. I love its delicacy, and I love the happy, yet somber tone that flowers contribute to its atmosphere, but its delivery isn't swimming as well as it could. Is there a reason you capitalize the flower names? I know they are nouns, but they are not proper nouns, and shouldn't be capitalized unless you're using their binomial nomenclature...
I will be first in line to admit that I am a sucker for big words, but here,
Ambiguous and equivocality do not work together, especially considering that they are synonymous, dear. Also, I'm not certain that equivocality is a word in itself, so if you're using it, I would recommend just "equivocal" instead of the ity.
Otherwise, I want to sprinkle my words with the petals of red camellia for this poem. It's so pretty and your effort shines and I want you to keep writing, keep prospering.
Best,
June
I feel Amaryllis for how your poetry has progressed. I Acacia you for your ability. I hope you have the Hollyhock to pursue your gifts.
May a Tulip-tree eventually come to you.
Jenth
Ha.
There is an interesting play between what we know and what you're presenting to us. For example, I know sage is an herb and typically used for healing. I know buttercups are typically a playful nickname for women dating, and that they're childish. I know clover is another herb and typically associated with luck. You don't use that, and this is a little confusing for me to read because of that, but also because you need to explain the flowers.
Most of the time I feel like if something needs explaining, then something's off. In this case, I'm not sure that's 100% the case. It is nice to see the flower references, but I think you're basing too much of the poem in them. There needs to be a balance between being able to read the poem and not understand the references and the joy of the secret when you do. For me, this poem has too much foreplay before you get to the crux of the matter in the second to last stanza.
This is beautiful and I think it is perfect the way it is.
hit me square in the gut, especially when looking at the meaning of four-leaf clover. At first, I didn't like the flower analogy stuff, seemed a little obtuse. However, reading it again, I feel that the floriology lesson adds to it rather than subtracts.
To my eye, it does wander a bit, but it hits at some truths.
Thanks, Flutter.