i'm here to tell you

So Here is my review. To begin with my overall opinion is that this is okay. The reason that it is only okay is that your chorus was confusing. Did he/she think it was their fault or not? I am pleased that you labeled everything so I could tell what was what. Also, I am very pleased that you have a chorus, so many don't and not having a chorus has become a pet peeve. Choruses are like the thesis statement of a song, they are so essential. So it is super important that you clean that up. Also capitalize I, and you have a few other grammatical errors, bu they it is okay. Just fix the chorus and you are golden. Good job, keep writing, and fix the chorus!!

Hello lovely! I'm here to review for you. So to start out, my overall opinion is that this is alright. The reason that it is only alright is because you are sending mixed messages in the chorus. You say in the chorus that "it's shame on me cause I loved you" and at the end of the chorus you say "don't put the blame on me". This is confusing because on one hand you say that it's you fault, but then you say it isn't your fault. Both ideas are fine, but I would choose one idea or the other so that there is no confusion. Another thing I would like to point out is that, even though these are song lyrics, always use proper grammar. I noticed that there are some i's that need to be capitalized. Also, you seem a little shaky on punctuation. I feel like sometimes commas and other means of punctuation are missing at the ends of lines. Punctuation is key for the reader to mimic the flow you intended for the piece. To sum everything up, decide on one main theme idea for the chorus, capitalize those i's, and perfect that punctuation.

~Rarity

this song is amaizing just like you i just wanna say you are the best smile

Timmy here for a review!

I don't know why there aren't any reviews on this one, cuz its awesome! Its similar to your other poem I reviewed a few days ago, I Love You. Except it seems like the idea is flipped and your character doesn't love him anymore... Its kind of sad, actually. Like she is regretting loving him... But still beautiful!

I have a few small nitpicks, so we shall get started right away!

Verse one

I arrived to the end of the way

I’m lonely and can not stay

Death is in front of me

Sorrows are around me

Scars and blood are all what cover me .

Chorus

Verse 3

You’re my love ,

You’re my angel,

You’re the reason i smile.

These were your words that made me melt ,

But were they really what you felt ?



Chorus

Once , you stole my heart

And it was all about you

But now , it’s shame on me cause i loved you

So i’m here to tell you

You can’t put the blame on me

Yeah , don’t put the blame on me .

But now , it’s shame on me cause i loved you ---Comma isn't necessary after but

Once , you stole my heart ----That line seems choppy. Maybe, Long ago, you stole my heart or something similar

But now , it’s shame on me cause i loved you ----Love that line, but the comma isn't necessary there and makes a mental barrier

Sometimes , you feel strong with love, ---Comma isn't necessary after Sometimes

You’re my love ,

You’re my angel, ----Beautiful lines... but both are complete sentences, so You're my love should have a period after it.

You’re my love ,

You’re my angel,

You’re the reason i smile.

These were your words that made me melt ,

But were they really what you felt ? ---My absolute favorite part! That stanza is beautiful!