Don’t ever say it’s bad
Don’t ever say it makes you mad
Just open up your eyes
And forget about all those lies
With the help of your heart
And the lead of your mind
You’ll find your way
You’ll find the truth
That.. life is beautiful , wonderful
With a smile everyday
Happyness will made
Sadness will fade
And you ‘ll feal like you wanna fly
Yeah you can feal it even with a simple hi
don’t say you’re invisible or unlucky
Be the leader of your life
And don’t be like a ball of hockey
And i hope you’ll learn that
life is beautiful , wonderful
With a smile everyday
Happyness will made
Sadness will fade
And you ‘ll feal like you wanna fly
Yeah you can feal it even with a simple hi
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I really like the idea of this poem, but it comes across as a bit too cute and childish to make the point you're trying to.
These two lines just don't seem to flow very well, and they also sound, well, a bit silly. They have good intentions, but they just don't work in real life. I'm afraid I don't have an idea, but a metaphor or the like would probably convey the idea better than directly stating it.
I really like these lines, the way they speak about both the mind and heart being important. Though people often will use one more than the other, they should be more or less balanced.
Hockey uses a puck, not a ball.
Saying that happiness is automatic sort of defeats the point of it. I greatly desire for everyone who exists to be happy, but happiness is not an absolute. Sadness will not automatically fade. Saying a simple hello to someone can make them smile, but that smile is ephemeral. Giving people happiness starts with simple acts of kindness, but in the end it is often not easy. It takes work, dedication, and love. Again, the idea of the poem is wonderful, but I don't think it delves deeply enough into what happiness truly is or what will truly give happiness.
we have to work hard for beautiful world, but I liked it!
thanks for the comment
Hello there! LastSilverH3r0 here to review you!
Well, I'm not one to usually attack a song based on the essence of it, because it comes from your thoughts and your heart, but when I read this I kind of just thought that it was a little... sappy. I mean, it's nice and all and I appreciate the rhyme scheme, it just seems that for one thing it is very cliche, and it's been said this way many times. Another thing is, it's impossible for someone to just be happy ALL the time. I mean, we're humans. You can go on and say that we can see the happiness in everything, and life will be better and all that, and that's very true. But sometimes we as humans just need to be sad or angry. I also feel like this could be improved (this is just my idea, you can trash it down if you want) if there was a shift or something. Like, maybe in the beginning you put sad lyrics, or many something negative, and then you follow up with what you have here. Kind of like saying that inspite of all the bad, try to do this. Hope I could help, thanks for the good read!
well thanks for the review , i just wanna say yeah i'm a happy girl ,who likes to support others ,thats why i write there kinds of active happy songs , i hate to write about sadness and pain i think it will make people worst .
Life is indeed very beautiful and so is this song
I really liked your lyrics btw. However, you need to puntuate it as it can be really helpful when you compose this later.
However, it isn't feal its feel also happyness is actually happiness.
The line- happiness will be made just does not seem to sit right with the rest of the song. Maybe it could be happiness will come and saddness will fade away(?) I am not that good with songs but well I try
thank you so much .