Young Writers Society

Hi! Tsholdin here for a review!

This is a very beautiful poem and I can tell that it has come from somewere deep.
The spacing of this piece is one thing that I absolutely love!

There are only a few things that I would like to say about the piece itself.

the use of

that

Hey there, rhiasofia here to review.

First things first, you should always capitalize I's, especially with a piece like this. Sometimes, for more stream-of-consciousness, nonsense pieces focused on whimsy, you can get away with not capitalizing I's, but this one was easy to read, understandable, and capital I's were very much needed. It feels very lazy without them.

You are that gentle man that,

light up the sky of my world

This line should be *lights up the sky of my world*

bring me a big smile across my face,

*brings*

You make me realize That,

Capitalizing 'that" here doesn't add anything, it just makes the grammar seem sloppy. Also, the comma following that is unnecessary. Same with the one at the end of "your love is the reason why,". It would work fine just continuing into "I'm living with the biggest smile"

One last nitpick, then I promise I'll say something nice
I love the analogy with theseeds of love in the garden, and it blossoming into a flower-filled tree, but this sentence,
Until today , it turns to a big tree full of flowers,
I feel it is worded in a way that is slightly awkward, it doesn't flow. I think you could re-write it using a more flowing method. And overall, you could make the whole poem stronger and more passionate with some better vocab and more focus on imagery.

Like I said, I really loved the garden analogy. You captured the feeling of love very well, and I could really read into your emotions through this. It has a pretty good flow, and a super happy, sweet vibe. It makes you feel bubbly and happy when you read it.

And I want to apologize if anyone else already pointed out the grammar mistakes that I mentioned, I didn't read through previous comments.

Thanks for sharing your work, and sorry for being a grammar Nazi!

hey there, smile,

This poem really hit close to home, as i had a pretty nasty break up yesterday but i still loved the piece.

This poem is extremely well written and flows beautifully.

My favorite part was
"and fill that empty space,

deep in my heart.

You bring me sunshine,

every time i see the rain.

You bring me joy,

every time the pain,

finds a way to my soul."

because that is exactly what love does.


There are several things that i do want to comment on though.

especially at the beginning it feels like there are a few missing words and letters..
such as an "s" at the end of "light"
and the same at the end of "bring"

maybe you did that on purpose for the rhythm, but i didnt think it fit well at all.

i think that is it for now... keep up the good work

--Cam

This is a really good poem.

Timmy here for a review, as promised!

This was wonderful, smile! Truly wonderful! You have a few grammatical and punctuation mistakes, but those are easily missed because of your poem... I told you yesterday that you have talent, and I shall tell you again. Keep writing! You have wonderful talent! This is gonna hit spotlight, I just know it.

So I will hit a few small things I saw right now!

light up the sky of my world --I think you meant lights

bring me a big smile across my face, ---I think here it would be better if you changed bring to brings and cut out the me

Years ago , your love was a small seed, --The comma after ago should be directly after, without a space inbetween

You make me realize That, ----Don't know if it was intentional, but that shouldn't be capitalized.

This is very beautiful and I can obviously see the love and happiness that is so clearly expressed in this poem. I love your reference to the secret garden in your heart and how it blossomed into a big tree of flowers. It's marvelous how well I can picture that in my mind. I love it! Continue on writing poetry!

I love Poetry, I love this work, the love and the joy that you wrote in it. Its not a very moving piece, but you connect them in a way that it makes you feel something.
I write poems myself and I have to say I like the interval rhymes and the free verse writing, I love the use of similes and personification to give a bigger meaning. Besides the misuse of some words like That and the commas after
"Years ago, your love was a small seed,
in the secret garden of my heart.
it was growing everyday"
isn't really needed, the line should just flow through into the next line, and the period after heart should be a comma because the lines should connect because it continues with the line. In all words to be said I love the piece and would love to read more of your work.

Hey Smile. Its me CatherinKanya to review you work. I think it was a very good poem and I liked it very much. There was a good usage of words.
I am not really an expert in poetry, but I had a doubt in the 1st and the 3rd line.

You are the gentle man that
Light up the sky of my world
You are my lucky piece that,
Bring me a big smile on my face.

The 'that used in your lines seems quite inappropriate to me. I dont know if I am right but I apologize if I am wrong. As I told you I am not an expert in poetry. I think 'that' refers to the man so obviously we all know the word would be inappropriate. But if I am wrongi am truly very sorry.

In the secret garden of my heart.
It was growing everyday.

I think you should have used a comma after the word heart cause the next line is a continuation.
But other than these tiny errors I just thought the poem was really good. I look forward to reading more of your works.