who's right?

by smile

Published November 15, 2018

In lyrics&poems


as i'm going through this period of time, the so called best time of my life,youth. Long nights pass hardly with me thinking of how did i end up being so pathetic and hopeless, the last time i checked myself i wasn't this weak, this fragile but what happened, what have changed since then?

Always asking myself this question, maybe my brain or my heart would help out but no, both are so busy debating on who's right and who's wrong, leaving me a fine meal to my fears.

Why do people look happy when i'm sad?i've Always wondered .

Maybe it's just the selfish nature of humans wanting others to feel and understand them,not knowing that each has its fears to face and problems to solve and demons to fight.

Time passes, i grow up. Brain and heart are starting to get along and look in the same direction, which lead me to one way.

A single choice, maybe that's what i was looking for, maybe the debates are what made my soul so fragile before but now that i'm passing the door to the next level of the game, the adulthood, life seems to get easy and wether it's the right or the wrong direction i'll be happy and at ease since i'm fine and well, and i'll be happy that i've witnessed that ''me'' because it strenghed me enough to build up and be the '' new version me''.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Emmzziee
Review
Emmzziee wrote a review Review · Nov 17, 2018

I really enjoyed reading this, because I always feel the same way. The last paragraph implies a sense of freedom and inner peace, which is nice to read about.

My favourite thing about this is that it is so open and honest. It was straightforward. No flowery language. It was good to read something so relatable.

'I' should be capitalized and you spelled 'whether' and 'strengthened' wrong.

You used speech marks instead of quotation marks at the end.

User avatar
FireSpyGirl
Review
FireSpyGirl wrote a review Review · Nov 16, 2018

Hi there!
So I like this story, and I like what it tells and how it speaks straight the readers heart.

I just have few corrections.

First one:
"as i'm going through this period of time, the so called best time of my life,youth. Long nights pass hardly with me thinking of how did i end up being so pathetic and hopeless, the last time i checked myself i wasn't this weak, this fragile but what happened, what have changed since then?"
This whole paragraph feels rushed. I would try something like this:

" I'm going through this period of time, this so called "best time of my life." It is youth. Long nights hardly pass by without me thinking: "How did I end up being so pathetic and hopeless? The last time I checked myself, I wasn't this weak, this fragile. What happened? What has change since then?"

Just some grammar fixes and sentence structure repairs is all I did. Keep up the good work! I hope this helped.



I can factcheck ur flashback outfits
— SirenCymbaline