Young Writers Society

Hello smile! Here to knock this out of the GR.

i was staring at those scared souls ,
those people with a blurry vision,

lots of weakness , lack of dare.

I was trying to hold my breath ,
hoping to get some strength,

but all I can see or hear,
is their pale faces ,
and the hollows in their hearts.

which filled the space of their heart once,

Hi!
I'll begin by saying that the emotion in this poem is well written and I adore you for that.
I'm not sure if you meant to start this poem off with "It's all started" because I think it's a wonderful play on syntax, but if it isn't, I'd recommend keeping it. Although I think you should find a different way of saying "in the middle of nowhere" because that phrase has such an empty meaning now that it's been overused and it doesn't do this poem justice.
The "i" of the next line should be capitalized and I'm not sure if you meant to make the punctuation the way it is with an extra space between it and the word it is attached to, but if you did, try to keep it consistent because you only follow that pattern half the time and the other half you have it without the space.
I think this poem would benefit from separating the stanzas into two quatrains (four line groupings), the next five line poem, and a final quatrain.
I love the theme of isolation you explore here, but I don't feel like you quite connect it to the feeling of emptiness that the speaker feels. Your word choice like with "scared souls," "pale faces," and "hollows in their hearts," is good but it isn't enough for this poem. Try to create images with your language and explore different ways of describing these feelings. I find it helps the poem out when you use juxtaposition (two contrasting images/things/feelings/etc that create one unique image) because it becomes something else that will better capture the mood you are trying to get across.
For the lines "but all I can see or hear,/is their pale faces ,/and the hollows in their hearts." doesn't work that well because it makes it seem like you can hear "pale faces." I would recommend rewriting it as "all I can see if their pale faces/all I can hear is the hollows in their hearts." I actually think this is your strongest description.
As a final note, I'll leave you with some advice: a poem is moved along with concrete events/images, even if what you're trying to convey is something abstract. Use the senses like touching without feeling, seeing without registering, hearing without listening, tasting without pleasure, etc. to make the reader see the desolation and hollowness of the poem.
Keep writing,
Dianne E.C.E.

Happiness is hard to find. Life is not always easy. But it will get better.

Find the one who makes you happy, and don't let anyone bring you down. Be Brave.

~Sparkles