Young Writers Society

well, that was a little on the dark side. i know this may sound strange to you but i advice you that if you go on to the dark side when you write to dig deep inside you so that readers relate to you more. there is a ton of sad poets out there writing poems about shattered dreams, hopes,... but what makes one really stand out is by forcing the reader to relate to you strongly. you have to dig deep inside you and show the reader the cause of your pain or hopelessness to be forthcoming and not to hide the pieces of your self that hurts the most to open yourself to the reader like you never done with somebody else. you don't know this reader, so you have nothing to lose from opening up to him or her. i am not saying your poem didn't do that, it did but i am just pointing out how to improve your writing. i like your style and the pace of your poem. my grammar and spelling are not the best so i am not going to comment on the grammar or spelling in your poem. i think you have talent but you need a little bit of training. keep writing
sherien

Hey there smile! Katie here to review your work. About the category you put this in, I think that you put this as "Poetry" at least, because I myself read it as a poem. It's your decision though, so by all means, choose how you want to categorize it. You made a really interesting thing here, and I liked how you kept with the repetition at every section. I recommend you space the parts out though, to make it easier for the reader to know when to transition from one thought bubble to the next.

Are the "little me" parts supposed to be at the end or the beginning of every different part, or are they placed before and after? I'm getting a little confused myself because I keep rereading this trying to answer my question. I get that with poems and everything you don't have to capitalize and check your spelling as much, but I do ask you that you look your work over and at least put spaces in between periods. Doing that makes it so much easier to read.

I liked this poem a lot, but there are a few things I want to run by you. Your poem, for one, really goes back and forth with the length of the lines, like this part,

"waited for long, passed a long distance
Just to see"

Did you mean to go from long to short then back to longer, or did it just end up how it is because of you writing down your thoughts? It's a little confusing trying to understand the flow of line to line when the lengths are completely different. Also, could you please put "little me" and "dead little me" in italics as well, so the reader knows about the changing sections? It helps a lot. Thanks!

All in all, great poem! I really enjoyed reading this! I liked that you rhymed some, but not every single line. Keep writing! I hope I didn't sound rude or anything... I'm just super tired. Anyways, thanks for writing this and have a great day!
Love,
PerksOfBeingAReader a.k.a. Katie