the missing truth

by smile

Published April 14, 2014

In lyrics&poems

Words became so hard to say.
Truth is hiding behind the lines,
with dust on top,
that’s what time brought.
Like some pieces of a puzzle,
which will never be fixed.
-----
Honesty drifted away,
now there’s only one ray,
the ray of white lies.
------
I miss the times of kindness,
Of pureness,
And not a dead conscience.
Times of similar dreams,
similar minds,
but in two different bodies.
------
The flame of the true friendship ,
isn’t burning anymore.
The room is empty,
four walls and a closed door.
------
I have to go straight away,
and just say it,
“I miss the true friendship”.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
passenger
Review
passenger wrote a review Review · Apr 24, 2014

There was a lot of truth in this poem; and I agree that sometimes two people call themselves "friends" when all they do is lie and walk side by side saying nothing and feeling the awkward silence between them (like an empty room). But I have to ask: why did you say "a closed door"? Is the friendship dead forever, or is there still that one chance that the two people might develop true friendship again? Also, when you said, "like some pieces of a puzzle, which will never be fixed". I like the idea, but I think that the way you say it kind of confuses the reader, are the pieces of the "puzzle" broken, or is the puzzle, or true friendship, broken itself? I don't know if this even makes any sense, maybe you were hoping to make the reader think. Tell me if I'm spouting total nonsense. But to me, other than those two things, that poem was perfect and definitely true to reality! It was great. It deserves high praise; thank you for sharing :-) :-)

chaninalexis14 wrote a review Review · Apr 14, 2014

True friendship is a great thing to have, but it is very hard to find. Word's don't always come out easily, or the way you mean them.

Just trying to find the write thing may not be as easy as it seems, but it will get easier.

Life gets hard at times, and gets easy at times, but it goes on, and it will seem like hell, but really your in heaven.

Don't ever give up on finding the write thing

Especially true friendship
~Sparkles

QuillFlame22995 wrote a review Review · Apr 14, 2014

This is really nice, with a good message that is present in oh-too-many friendships. I enjoyed it, and it flowed well. I especially liked the paragraph that was third to last and the line 'Times of similar dreams, similar minds, but in two different bodies.

Some nitpicks:
1. You have a couple of misplaced commas in there. You don't need a comma at the end of every line, and for me it interrupted the flow of the poem. I think you could remove the comma in the line, 'Truth is hiding between the lines with dust on top: that's what time brought.', 'I have to go straight away and say it, "I miss the true friendship."', and 'The flame of true friendship isn't burning anymore.'
2. Not a biggie, but if you don't want to change the commas you should remove the space between 'flame of the true friendship , isn't...'
3. You should either capitalize the beginning of every line or just the starts of sentences. You have both ways mixed in there.

Otherwise I really enjoyed this poem and would wholeheartedly give it eight of ten stars.



I want to understand you, I study your obscure language.
— Alexander Pushkin