Well he's been down on his luck again,
'Cause he fell for an angel that don't notice him.
He soaks his feet in the river and talks to the moon
And lets his heart spill out to the saddest tune,
Oh oh oh
And he prays
And he prays
And he prays
Will you find somebody for me?
Oh will you find somebody for me?
She wants to forget the ice in his eyes
When he says it wasn't real love this time.
She walks to the river 'cause she can't fall asleep,
Yells his name at the stars and then starts to weep,
Oh oh oh
And she prays
And she prays
And she prays
Will you find somebody for me?
Oh will you find somebody for me?
Wade into the moonlit water
And let all of your heartache go.
Just forget all of your troubles
And come dance with me oh so slow.
We could wake up in the morning
All tangled up here in the grass.
Here's to hopeful new beginnings
And letting go now of the past.
And I pray
And I pray
And I pray
That you'll stay right here with me,
Oh, that you'll stay right here with me.
A/N: This song was inspired by a NaPo entry inspired by the Random Poetic Line generator: the dreamers of love sing beside the river. I've been wanting to turn it into a full-fledged song for a while but the story didn't really come into my head until just recently. Enjoy!
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139,456 Literary Works • 672,567 Reviews
Hey there, Kat here to review!
This might be a bit late but I couldn't leave such a nice piece without making some remarks. Firstly, I really enjoyed this song and I wish I knew what it sounded like when it's sung but you did a great job at compensating for that by establishing a solid rhythm. My real question is, if you had to put this song in a genre, what would it be (country, pop, folk, jazz, etc.)? I may not have been through this situation but the topic still hits close to home for a lot of people and I think that gave your words all the more power here. The ONLY line I had an issue with was the part about the grass. I enjoy the imagery here and the meter but I think the wording makes it a little awkward "all tangled up here". I might be missing something because when it's sung it would sound differently than how I am reading it, but that is just my two cents anyways.
Keep it up!
Hey Kat! Thanks for reviewing! I guess I had it with sort of a country vibe. About that bridge...yeah it's definitely where I had the shakiest rhythm in mind and it shows. Usually when I'm writing lyrics the melody comes to me pretty naturally, and it did here for the verses and the chorus, but the bridge not so much. I may end up reworking it. As for singing, I do sometimes record myself singing (acapella, and pretty badly) but I think I wasn't feeling well when I posted it. I may record it if I can ever figure out that dang bridge haha. Thanks again!
This is beautiful, the words leapt off the screen.
I love the references to the river, the way it cleanses and connects the two people even if they are far apart. I could almost feel the heartbreak myself, I hope they find their way back to each other.
Fantastic use of imagery and beautiful descriptions.
Keep doing what you doing!
Thanks! I think you're interpreting this song a little differently then I intended, which totally happens a lot. I envisioned the two people, each suffering heartache (him from unrequited love and her from a breakup) meeting at the river and finding love again. I'm glad you liked it!
I love the repetition and the bitter-sweetly relatable characters. I just want to reach into the poem and give the characters a couple of big hugs.
Rivers signify change, and letting go, which this poem certain emphasizes.
I don't quite get the ending- you suddenly switch to first person out of no where.
I can't wait to read more of your work!
-LJF
Thanks! Yeah I'm still a little shaky on the bridge. I originally had a version in third person but it was just blah, so I decided to switch to the perspective of one of the characters. I thought it seemed more interesting that way but I can also see how it would be confusing. Thanks again!
I love this! (Review to come!)
Hey there! AJ here for a quick review.
These lyrics are lovely! They tell a great story with emotions, but are simple enough to easily understand. I just have a few picky details...
- "'Cause he fell for an angel that don't notice him." Unless it's a country person speaking, this should probably be "didn't"
- "And let all of your heartache go." I would opt for being slightly less grammatically correct for the sake of flow and take out the "of" in this. It might flow better. The same with the next line too.
"And letting go now of the past." This line sounds a bit awkward to me. I would take out "now" and add something else to it, like "letting go of the _____ past."
This was wonderful though! I would love to see what music you would put with it. I was trying to make up something in my head.
Keep on writing, and Happy Review Day!
-AJ
Me and my extremely limited knowledge of songwriting tried singing this all gospel like. Is the song good? Yes, very. Can I sing it? Ehehehe....
Haha I feel the same way. Sometimes I put a recording up of me singing it so you can get a rough idea of what it sounds like in my head. But I decided not to torture you all today.
plus I can%u2019t decide on a tune for the bridge. Thanks for commenting! 
this is so beautiful omg
Thank you!