Young Writers Society

Hey there, Kat here to review!

This might be a bit late but I couldn't leave such a nice piece without making some remarks. Firstly, I really enjoyed this song and I wish I knew what it sounded like when it's sung but you did a great job at compensating for that by establishing a solid rhythm. My real question is, if you had to put this song in a genre, what would it be (country, pop, folk, jazz, etc.)? I may not have been through this situation but the topic still hits close to home for a lot of people and I think that gave your words all the more power here. The ONLY line I had an issue with was the part about the grass. I enjoy the imagery here and the meter but I think the wording makes it a little awkward "all tangled up here". I might be missing something because when it's sung it would sound differently than how I am reading it, but that is just my two cents anyways.

Keep it up!

This is beautiful, the words leapt off the screen.
I love the references to the river, the way it cleanses and connects the two people even if they are far apart. I could almost feel the heartbreak myself, I hope they find their way back to each other.
Fantastic use of imagery and beautiful descriptions.

Keep doing what you doing!

I love the repetition and the bitter-sweetly relatable characters. I just want to reach into the poem and give the characters a couple of big hugs.
Rivers signify change, and letting go, which this poem certain emphasizes.
I don't quite get the ending- you suddenly switch to first person out of no where.
I can't wait to read more of your work!
-LJF

I love this! (Review to come!)

Hey there! AJ here for a quick review.

These lyrics are lovely! They tell a great story with emotions, but are simple enough to easily understand. I just have a few picky details...


- "'Cause he fell for an angel that don't notice him." Unless it's a country person speaking, this should probably be "didn't"

- "And let all of your heartache go." I would opt for being slightly less grammatically correct for the sake of flow and take out the "of" in this. It might flow better. The same with the next line too.

"And letting go now of the past." This line sounds a bit awkward to me. I would take out "now" and add something else to it, like "letting go of the _____ past."

This was wonderful though! I would love to see what music you would put with it. I was trying to make up something in my head.

Keep on writing, and Happy Review Day!

-AJ

Me and my extremely limited knowledge of songwriting tried singing this all gospel like. Is the song good? Yes, very. Can I sing it? Ehehehe....

this is so beautiful omg