• Home

Young Writers Society

Place of Crowds: Another song

by niteowl

I walk here
And everything's
Always the same

They laugh and talk
Carrying on
I walk among them
In silence

And now
They've all disappeared
Leaving me alone

It's so eerie
When they're gone
And the silence seems so wrong
Here in a place of crowds

Walking on their footprints
The echo seems so loud
When you're alone
In a place of crowds

Is this a review?



Random avatar

Points: 504
Reviews: 5

Mon Dec 31, 2012 2:00 am
MatiasD wrote a review...

An alternative might be to focus on the emotions the performer creates and how that transfers to the audience. For example, maybe they dance as the player dances with their fingers. Or maybe the music reminds them of something.

Overall, this has a lot of excellent imagery and is well-written. If the strange imagery toward the end is re-focused, I think it would be a stronger piece. Good job and keep writing!

User avatar
253 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 253

Thu Aug 30, 2007 5:29 pm
CK Lynn says...

I really liked it!

User avatar
145 Reviews

Points: 5890
Reviews: 145

Sun Jan 23, 2005 1:39 am
Tara says...

It's beautifull, Tae! I love it! :D

User avatar
24 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 24

Sun Jan 23, 2005 1:32 am
randy says...

Holy crap! (Is that a curse? I don't know).

These are great! I love the last couple of verses. This is frekain' excellent.

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
— Paul Brandt