My to-do list grows a mile every night
And there's no end to this misery in sight
I can't sleep and I don't know what to do
'Cause nothing that I try is getting through
(Chorus)
I'm dancing on the edge
Dancing on the edge
Dancing on the edge
Of a breakdown
My demons they come at me through the screen
And I don't know if I'd rather cry or scream
And my thoughts they wanna run a marathon
But I can't tell a soul what's going on
(Repeat Chorus)
And I won't let this end
In a hospital bed
And I won't let my brain
take me to the grave
(Repeat)
(Repeat Chorus)
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139,677 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
I really liked it! Great Job! You should try adding more, it seems a little short.
Thank you!
Hi! Great lyrics!
First off, I think you should separate these parts into their own lines:
"They wanna run a marathon" and "They come at me through the scream" Just for better flow. It feels a little weird reading it all in one line like that.
Also, I couldn't really tell when the chorus ended. Was it on "Breakdown" or "What's going on"?
Third, I myself wouldn't put a large space between "Take me to the grave" and "(Repeat)". I'd maybe even place it on the same line, or directly below it. The "(Repeat Chorus)" should be one space away from that.
Finally, maybe try adding a little bit after the last line, to wrap up the song, instead of just leaving it at the chorus.
Keep writing,
Fade <3
I really liked this! Painted a nice picture of what the person is going through and feeling.
My favorite part -
And I won't let this end
In a hospital bed
And I won't let my brain
take me to the grave
I think it could be a nice bridge, if that's what you intended it to be? I also like how you said to repeat it.
The only thing I can think of is the chorus...I would put something else in there. At the beginning, it sounds nice repeating 'Dancing on the edge' three times, but towards the end I feel like it needed something else to conclude it. So maybe have the chorus different just at the end.
Overall, great job. I would love to hear this put to music
Thanks for the comment! I see what you mean about the simple chorus being too much, but I think it fits since obsessive thoughts are a symptom of mania. I wish I could put it to music for real. :/
They're some lovely lyrics you've got there!
I love the line 'my thoughts are running a marathon'. You've got great imagery and metaphors in here, but that stands out to me the most.
There's nothing really to pick at here, but I think you could get rid of the 'cause in the fourth line to make it flow slightly smoother. These a lyrics, though, so it really depends how you sing it. In my head, it would sound better without the 'cause.
Brilliant song! You should really put this Soundcloud or some platform like that.
Thanks! Sadly I don't have the musical know-how to make this sound as good in reality as it does in my head.