Young Writers Society

I have been in this situation and have written...basically this song. (And I think you did it better than I did.) I would have liked a few more details about the individual the song is about, but other than that, the story comes across really well. If I absolutely had to choose something to suggest changing, I would edit the rhyme scheme in the first pre-chorus ("I've said all I can say...you know"). In the second pre-chorus, you have an AABB rhyme scheme, but in the first pre-chorus, you have AABC. So I might change one of them so they have the same rhyme scheme.

Well done, and keep writing!

Hello! I don't write song lyrics (though not for any lack of trying), so take this with a grain of salt. I really liked all the rhyming in this piece. Often times songs get away with no rhymes or half rhymes because they're lyrics and so they can do that. You, however, did rhyme and did it well. The only line that feels even slightly forced is "And it's my name you'll scream". The wording of that line is a bit uncomfortable, only because of how obvious it is the rhyme was forced. Beyond that, I really love it. I couldn't listen to the recording, so it might be broken, but I can imagine how it would be sang. I'm probably totally wrong, but who knows? Excellent job, and maybe try to post the recording again? I'd love to hear it!

i enjoyed reading your poem and there was a lot of emotion in it, it made reflect on what exactly a person can do to save their loved one

Hi niteowl, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

Meaning: I really like the emotion you put in this lyric's words. You explain in the first stanza that the person singing the song really loves this other person that's wasting their life. In the next stanza you explain that the narrator's tried to reason with this other person, but this person's just not listening, so his going to get on with his life. Then you basically explain how the narrator feels with a whole lot of beautiful lyrics. It was very moving for me and was something that I could relate to.

Rhythm: The poem had a really smooth flow to it and I loved the rhyme scheme. You had an interesting lay out for the rhymes so that they were all over the place and yet they really worked.

Title: The title really works for the lyric and resonates what you are trying to say in the lyric.

Grammar and Punctuation: I had only one problem with this poem. First off this is probably just me, but I don't really like the repeat of anymore in your poem.

I won't fight you anymore, anymore