Young Writers Society

I've not reviewed lyrics in a while so why not!

Specifics

1.

Reminders that she's everywhere but here

You didn't sing the that in this line and I think that was right. It's dragging the flow down when I read it.

2.

Never knowing what the next city will bring.

This eels like it needs an adjective before city. I noticed you paused there in the recording but it would flow smoother if you threw another word in like 'new city'. It needs to be a small word and something without any harsh edged to make the flow work. Maybe cold city? Or lost city?

3.

And he wonders why he even sticks around

You missed the and when singing this line and I think that was right but it left it a syllable or two too short. I think you could drop even to give yourself some more to play with and try to get some more unique imagery in here. At the moment the lines are all very simple and they flow nicely but they're not going to stand out.

4.

When his heart's flying off a thousand miles away

This is a good example of where the imagery is flat. Instead of 'flying off a thousand miles away' it could be 'flying business across the Baltic sea' -- being specific makes your lines more interesting.

5.

There's not much left for him in his town
So he packs his bags to join her today

This part feels really halting. I can understand slowing the verses to match the tone but I'm not sure it's quite working in these two lines. They just feel too light.

6. The last version of the chorus is lovely.

Overall

I like this - it's pretty! I think it could be built up a little more in places though and the imagery you've got is a little too cliche. I should probably say I don't like a lot of music because I find it's too samey but I like it when the lyrics are different or say something in a new way. When they put words together I've never heard placed side by side before. I guess, I'm saying I like them when they're more like poetry. So it might be the music industry would love this just as it is.

Hope that helps a little at least!

(And this is why the semi tone death girl should stop trying to review/ dabble in lyrics...)

~Heather