Always Come Home

I like this! The only question I have is what type of music are you aiming for it to be preformed in? I could see it going a few different directions! I liked the end in particular, there are so many songs that end with tragedy (i.e. death, rejection, drugs, etc.) that this was uplifting. I also have a soft spot for shifting chorus's. The way you kept the format and meaning basically the same, but changed a few things to fit the plot line makes the song deeper. I also like the innocence of the song, too many songs have to include sex and drugs that this is a breathe of fresh air. Keep up the good work!

It is a very touching song. I really do wish things like that happen less

Oooh, lyrics fun. Nice song you have here. You'll be my first review in a while, so sorry if it's a little rough! Anyway, I usually break works down by stanzas, then give an overall review. So here goes...

"You had one hand on your guitar
The other 'round my waist
That was when you promised
you'd remember me always

You said "I'll never meet a girl
that's half as good as you.
No matter how far I go,
To my roots I'll be true"

Solid beginning. Verging a little on the cliché side, but at least it sets up the rest of the song nicely; it has a good balance to it. You didn't drag on with a bunch of flashbacks or a long backstory, but you didn't just plunge right and leave the reader (or should I say listener) confused. A lot of people, including me, have trouble with that, but you did a nice job. A good dose of imagery with the one hand around the guitar and the other around her waist, and I like the line about the roots.

"And I said don't forget you can always come home
if the City of Angels leaves you all alone,
And if those Hollywood demons take all that you own
Just remember darling you're always welcome home"

I like the chorus. There's really not a lot I would change. I like how you used City of Angels, because when I read it kind of has this sarcastic twinge, and I thought the word choice of "demons" was great and had a good connotation. Really well done, and probably my favorite part of the song. I could definitely hear it sung with some sort of rock music in the background, thought I don't know what music style you were aiming for.

"Next time I heard your voice
was on the radio
Saw your face on the tabloids
That ain't the man I know

And I heard you talk to Seacrest
on New Year's Rockin' Eve
You talked about some model girl
but never mentioned me

This is a nice add on to the story. I like the uniqueness of adding real names and events and the flow is really good on the second stanza. Again, not much to change.

"And I hoped you remembered you can always come home
When that City of Angels topples that gilded throne
Or have those Hollywood demons made you one of their own?
Will the spotlight kill you? Will you ever come home?"

I like how the chorus changes; it keeps the listeners interested. Awesome word choice with "gilded", and the line about the Hollywood demons gives me the chills a little. Good work. I like how the last two lines are questions, not statements, as it gives mystery and intrigue to the song. This seems very intense, like the climax to the song.

"After ten good years
They left you in the cold
The kids no longer liked you
They said you were too old

That's when you remembered
The words we said before
You took all you had left
And came knockin' on my door"

I think it's cool that this story spans so long and it took this guy ten years to finally realize what he had done; it seems more realistic that way. Again, it's to the point, but not in a boring way. My favorite line is "you took all you had left". Very poetic.


"And you said is it true I can always come home?
Now that the City of Angels has left me all alone
Those Hollywood demons can't take me for their own
I never did forget you, am I still welcome home?"

Not much to say here, but I like it and I think it works well that you have the chorus one more time before you end it.

"You used to play for thousands
But now it's only me
In my arms is the happiest
That you'll ever be"

As much as I like the song, you kind of lose me here. I wish I knew how this would be sung. I really only think this would work well being sung in a sarcastic, bitter way. Like the song starts slow, picks up and becomes rock, maybe even angry, then slows down again at the very end. If you were aiming for a happy ending, I honestly don't think it works. Maybe, I'm just not a fan of them, but it just seems way too unrealistic that after ten years of basically selling out, this guy just gets back with this girl and she lets him even though he dated other people and didn't even glance back. Why should she take him back? Hasn't she moved on? But like I said, I have no idea of your intentions. And it is YOUR song. The song writing for the song itself is really good, and you can definitely scratch what I said; just do what feels right for you.

Overall, what I liked most about your style was that you didn't put every little detail in the song and ruin the flow, but you didn't leave it without any personality either. The story was told and interesting, albeit a tad cliché. I think this would work really well as a song, and I'm really curious what the music style is. Let me know if you do more to it!

You've obviously have a lot of potential to great things in the literary world!

Keep it up,

Silver

Hey @niteowl!

I thought that this was really good. You started off sad, but ended on a happy note.

I liked how you changed up the chorus every time to fit where it was in the [u]song?[u] That is what it is, isn't it?

You broke up the verses/stanzas very well, and the rhythm and rhyming was very good, in my opinion.

There were just two things that bugged me. One, the chorus seems a little long compared to the rest of the work. But, in the end, I think it's okay. It works very well, even if it throws off the flow a little bit.

And two, this feels somewhat like Blake Shelton's song Austin.

The situations are different, but the basic plot is the same. While I liked this a lot, it just feels a little too similar. I'm not saying that you should change the whole thing at all, I am simply pointing that out to you.

Peace,
HT