Ah your voice is really nice and clear in this nite, it didn't seem like you had any word stumbles or odd pauses - everything flowed pretty smoothly I think! I find posting song recordings to be one of the most intimidating things in the world xD but it really helps to understand how the song is supposed to sound. (Also I think in the publishing center there's a button you click that looks like an infinity symbol / two linking-chains that you click for adding a link rather than typing in the "url" code! That should make your vocaroo link work better, I just copy and pasted it though to give it a listen.
So let's take a look at the lyrics!
On the verse A vs verse B I think I liked verse A better,
it felt like this section in verse B
now it's me crying out for you every night
you say we should hang out
but you don't have the time.
that felt a bit melo-dramatic for me, like "crying out" feels really serious, and then "you say we should hang out" feels very ordinary, so the juxtaposition didn't quite feel as impactful to me as Version A. I kind of felt like they both flowed well though!
I definitely liked the aspect that this as a whole felt more like a story-song, where we get the story of a relationship instead of just like a single fleeting emotion / moment, that made the song to me feel really like it moved and progressed more, and by the end I felt a lot of sympathy for the speaker and felt I could get a better sense of the emotion being conveyed too.
I'd interpret what was happening in the song to be the speaker remembering all these good times with the subject, but now kind of remembering them in a questioning / negative light. They had thought they'd shared all these nice lovely moments, but by the end they're wondering if they were really in love at all or if they were closer to strangers! That's actually a pretty interesting development throughout the poem, and also although I haven't experienced the exact same scenario, I certainly can relate to the idea of second guessing memories in hindsight and I'm sure many people can too! As I said earlier, having the whole narrative within the song, really makes it easy to connect to this piece.
The turn in the end where the speaker decides to consciously "write-away" their old memories was an interesting turn too, and left the song on kind of a hopeful end.
I think overall the song could maybe use a little more flowery imagery or metaphors, the rhyming is and sound devices are all there, but it does seem like mostly action rather than much description. I like the metaphor of the ghost or song in memories - I think that's a pretty interesting comparison, and it'd be interesting if you could work that in at all in the last two verses.
Overall I did enjoy listening to this, and really it did sound very smooth - so I think you've done a good job polishing the flow of this all to make it sound nice.
All the best,
alliyah
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