She's an hourglass of mystery
With a kiss you won the lottery
And you'd give the world to make her happy
But to her you're just an accessory
'Cause he's a bad boy, an age old scene
She wants to be his everything
Oh she's so smart why can't she see
That you have got all that she needs
Chorus:
When a love song comes on the radio
She sings along, you know how it goes
And boy you're smiling 'cause you don't know
She ain't singing 'bout you
No, she ain't singing 'bout you
Oh, she says it's just business
She says they're just friends
But the whole office thinks
She's his girlfriend
'Cause when they get away
They mix up work and play
And though she calls you every day
Chorus:
When a love song comes on the radio
She sings along, you know how it goes
And boy he's smiling because he knows
She ain't singing 'bout you
No, she ain't singing 'bout you
And everybody hears
The way he calls her baby
And everybody fears
That she'll never let you leave
She's an hourglass of misery
Leave her and win the lottery
Find a girl who loves to make you happy
And who ain't just waiting 'til you leave
So when a love song comes on the radio
She sings along, you know how it goes
And boy keep smiling because you'll know
That she'll be singing 'bout you
Yeah, she'll be singing 'bout you
A/N: I have written music for this with my keyboard. Check it out here if you'd like https://soundcloud.com/nkz_137/she-aint-singing-bout-you. There is also an instrumental version since I had issues recording the dying whale (my voice) and the keyboard at the same time.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
This was very nice for the most part, with a couple of minute glitches.
Firstly, you have rhymed friends with friend. This seems minor but stood out like a sore thumb when I read it.
Secondly, I don't see why you haven't used any punctuation. Personally here I would use it, but that might just be me.
Thirdly and finally, I don't understand the hourglass of misery metaphor. It's probably something very clever etc. but I just don't get it.
Anyways, I apologise for the length of this review, I'm stuck on things to critique.
Yours in writing,
The Fiend.
Thanks for the review!
1) I see what you mean about that rhyme, but I literally worked on this song for weeks and couldn't think of anything better. Do you have a suggestion? Is it any better sung?
2) I have a tendency to forget punctuation in lyrics. I think it's because I rarely saw it in CD lyric booklets growing up. Yeah I'm dating myself haha. Plus I think I was rushing to get this up before the last review day.
3) Not so clever. The phrase "hourglass figure" is pretty common to describe the ideal feminine body.
Thanks again!
hey there
"this isn't a review"
i really liked this song,everything from the flow,the words to the style ...LOVE IT
feels like i have to disagree with wisegirl, because in my opinion that changing was amazing and very creative,i like this touch in songs.
my favourite part :
"She's an hourglass of mystery
With a kiss you won the lottery
And you'd give the world to make her happy
But to her you're just an accessory "
very good opening
again GREAT JOB!keep writing ;D
Thank you!
anytime
Hello there, Niteowl! Unknown391625 here with another review you will definitely be pleased with!
Ok so, this is great! It's romantic, and it would be a good country song. And even putting the link in the end so we can hear what it actually sounds like, awesome! I listened to it, and you are very talented! Your voice is amazing, so don't say it sounds like a dying whale. Anyways, its very good! Very lyrical, and descriptive. You categorized the genres perfectly. It is general and romantic! You also categorized the rating. It is appropriate. So, you did a great job! I will look for more songs, poems, and stories by you. Don't give up and always write, Niteowl!
-Unknown391625
Thanks! I don't actually consider it romantic seeing as it's all about cheating, but maybe a bit at the end.
Yeah, that's what I meant. XD
Hey, niteowl, nice to see you! Cute avatar, by the way.
Well, I don't appreciate the lack of punctuation at the end, but the entire thing overall was amazing. I think you could charm the judges on X-Factor, maybe, and send me a vid if you do! 
In the second chorus, did you mean to change it? I think you did, but it doesn't make sense. Why would he be smiling if his girlfriend wasn't singing about him?
"And boy he's smiling because he knows
She ain't singing 'bout you..."
And the last chorus just contradicts the whole thing. Why?...but I'm glad you wrote this, it made me get into it. I'm sure you don't sound like a dying whale, do you?
-wisegirl22
Hi wisegirl and thanks for the review! I change the choruses as the perspective changes (I tend to do this with a lot of my songs). In the second chorus, "he" is the other man, and in the last chorus, I'm expressing hope that "you" will find a girl who truly loves him.
And I'm pretty sure I wouldn't make it that far on X Factor, haha. Thanks again!
Oh, okay. You're welcome!