She had him
under her spell again
She seemed so beautiful tonight
He wished that she
Could feel the same way
Wondered if
They could really be.
In his dream they danced
So close he could feel her heart beat
But in the end she'd always run away, yeah
(pre-hook)
Will she ever stay?
(Chorus)
And all around him
The flowers sing
Their bittersweet song
Bittersweet song
And he doesn't know why
She runs away
(End Chorus)
Tears cloud her eyes
As he clouds up her mind
Why does she turn away?
Hiding when it's
The last thing she wants to do
(repeat chorus with "her/she" in place of "him/he)
Staring at the same moon
Asking the same question
Is there a future to be found
In this crazy mess
Tonight?
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139,677 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
Hey niteowl, so off the bat before reading your work the title caught my eye making me wonder where you'd take it and whether it be a cliché topic that seems to be used throughout any place you go. But you did surprise me and I enjoyed it. Alright now that the title out of the lets move on to your song shall we? I really liked this because one of many it was relatable in every sense of the word. I loved this line the best though " staring at the same moon, asking the same questions" because I can relate because I have done that before ask the skies why?. I guess all I can say is Well done and keep writing because this was brilliant
Very nice! I could hear it in my head fairly well, which is always a good sign. (It would be easier if I didn't already have another song stuck in my head...
) I like the change in perspective! I think it adds a lot of interest and depth--even mystery--that you might not get so much if it were from just one person's perspective. And, as Kalliope said, the imagery paints a very good picture.
I was a little confused, though, by the fact that you had three stanzas of three, four and three lines before the first chorus, and then one of five lines after each chorus. Are the first three stanzas supposed to be some kind of intro-thingy, and the last two are the verses, or what?
It also occurs to me that it could maybe use a little more terminating punctuation. It seems to me like some of the stanzas are sort of left hanging open. (Specifically, the 1st and 3rd and the chorus)
Anyway, good job! I'd like to hear this sung sometime. (Do you have a tune to go with it? Just curious.)
I love it.
Loooooove it.
Seriously.
This is really beautiful. You seem to paint pictures in the air with your words. Changing views makes it very real and the listener/reader can feel the bitter-sweetness of the whole situation as if he /she were in it. I am amazed by these lyrics. Beautiful! Keep it up
Very nice.
Can't find anything wrong
Wow, you guys are such amazing lyric writers!
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS.
No other way to describe it. Absolutely brilliant and beautiful and amazing. Bravo.