When I was younger I met a girl
She had killer legs and wild brunette curls
She said "Hey handsome, would you care to dance"
And I knew then I didn't stand a chance
We were stormy by day and steamy by night
My father tried to say that she wasn't right
"Find someone who makes you a better man"
But she said "Let's leave while we still can"
(Chorus)
Come on baby let's fly away from here
Find a place with a better atmosphere
Kiss this town goodbye before we see the sun
And we don't have to tell anyone, oh no-oh
It was tempting to leave in lover's bliss
But I thought the old man was right about this
Kissed her goodbye, said "have a good life",
and found a nice blonde to call my wife
Ten years, two kids, wedded drudgery
The straight and narrow was getting to me
So I made my way back to that bar
Turns out she never went too far
Her curls laced with gray but she still looked fine
I'd never stopped wanting her to be mine
so in the front row Sunday I play pretend
and pray my Friday nights will never end
And she still says let's fly away from here
Find a place with a better atmosphere
Kiss this town goodbye before we see the sun
And we don't have to tell anyone, oh no-oh
Locked up in a life I never wanted
If I ran away I'd still be haunted
By a good girl who never deserved the shame
of a man too cowardly to run away
I'd tell my wife but I think she already knows
So no sense in letting this come to blows
But when word gets out, I should let her go
and run to the one I long to hold
And maybe then we'll fly away from here
Find a place with a better atmosphere
Kiss this town goodbye before we see the sun
And we don't have to tell anyone, oh no-oh
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137,583 Literary Works • 672,048 Reviews
Hey Niteowl! This is amazing! This is one of the few songs that I have simply read the lyrics to and can hear it being played on the radio. Not only is it interesting, but it has a deeper meaning then many pop songs today. It is not dirty, but it still address something all music-listeners love: love! Not only is the plot line fabulous, but the flow of the song itself is spot on. It does not read as a choppy poem, but as a hit single.
My favorite verse has to be:
Ten years, two kids, wedded drudgery
The straight and narrow was getting to me
So I made my way back to that bar
Turns out she never went too far
I love the intellectual word choice and return to the original action of going into the bar. This repition of action really gives the song a sense of beginning, middle, and end that can sometimes be lost in lyrics.
I also really enjoyed how you took the time and care to add imagery to both women, not just one. The contrast between the curly-haired brunette and the the good blonde, is something you see a lot in movies and music videos, but not as much in written words.
If I were to make a suggestion (and there aren't many to make!), I would consider adding something about the bar or the girls curls at the end to really bring everything back together. Keep up the good work, you are clearly very talented!
Thanks!
Simply amazing, turned me right into singing mode, I sang along to it, got it wrong, went to the start - if you ever want to hear it, anyway, not about that, the chorus is repeated, quite catchy, you could be a songwriter and get someone to sing them for you unless you're one of those people with amazing voices
This really turned out brilliant! Well done!!!!!!
Hiya ^_^
Best thing I've read all day! Positively flows from the very beginning, I love the subject matter.
I'm not even sure if I would change a single thing. It gives a happy endings a new meaning sometimes you don't always make the right choice and only later on find this out.
"Ten years, two kids, wedded drudgery
The straight and narrow was getting to me
So I made my way back to that bar
Turns out she never went too far"
Definitely my favorite part! I think the lyrics could go with something newer age something with a slight upbeat. Oasis or Third-Eye_Blind type of bands. Hell it might even sound good as country.
Great lyrics work on getting them out there!
JC
Niteowl. I must say first off that the lyrics are good, but I don't know what kind of music it should go with it as I read along, which makes it hard for me to read. But thats just me, I do like that lyrics.
Niteowl. I must say first off that the lyrics are good, but I don't know what kind of music it should go with it as I read along, which makes it hard for me to read. But thats just me, I do like that lyrics.
I AM SICK OF FREAKIN' SONGS ABOUT FREAKIN' GIRLS OR BOYS OR GETTING TOGETHER OR NOT. WHATEVER!
Let's just say that I'm sick of the stuff on the radio.
I can definitely appreciate that sentiment, haha. But...what, pray tell, does that have to do with this piece? It's about a married man committing adultery, which I'd argue is a bit deeper than "And we danced all night to the best song ever..."
Hey Read. You need your reviews 250 characters, or about 4 complete sentences to get any points.
Ooh, Nite! A pretty song, I like it.
First off, nice rhyme scheme, nice tempo, and excellent flow. I read this in my singers voice, and by that, I mean I tried to accompany notes and tones to help it flow better in my brain. That' s what sucks about lyrical works, is that you want some beat to sing along while you're reading; or, at least, for choir junkies like me.
Anyways, the only line I disliked was:
The summary said this was sung in a male's octave, and that it is obviously from a male's point of view. I find it hard to believe that a grown man says "daddy", but maybe they do from where you are. This has a country vibe to it, so I feel a better replacement would be "Papa" or "father" or whatever it is they say in country. I'd say "old man" but you already used that and we don't want repetitive.
Another thing you can fix or omit is the second "Chorus:". The first on, in parenthesis, is good because it tells us whaere the verse ends and chorus begins. The second time is disruptive, especially if it isn't in parenthesis. Now, if this was on a music sheet and it was written above the staff, then it'd be okay, but you can't do that here, unfortunately.
I think that's all from me! It's a lovely song. I assume that the man was cheating on his wife with the brunette girl? I think that is what you were referring to when you mentioned "Sunday morning" = church.
Keep on writing! And consider creating a music sheet for this! Notes and instrumentals, or maybe aca pella, but sing it! It's very pretty.
~ Iggy.
Thanks! You're right about those changes, I'll go do that now. And yes, it was about the man cheating. As for music, I wish I had the talent to play/write it (I hear a tune in my head, but I can't translate that to sheet music). I could experiment with recording it acapella...but I'd prob be banned for attempting to torture members.