Young Writers Society

Hey, niteowl! OMGhamsterdweeb is here to review your song!

Well, I have to say, the lyrics are good. The structure of the song is good too, so I'll pat you on the back for that.

HOWEVER (sorry about the caps, it's to emphasise that I have raised my voice), this song is really, really, really, really repetitive. I mean, it's okay to repeat some things, like the chorus (obviously) and maybe one of the verses, but the words in each of the verses sound the same the whole way through.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's true.

Overall, this piece is great and I enjoyed reading it... if that makes sense.

Keep writing!

Swagilicious huggles from OMGhamsterdweeb

I really enjoyed this. I've always tried to make up my own lyrics but I was always unsuccessful. The part about this that impresses me the most is that you actually have a tune for it. When I heard you sing it, it made me smile and it made me want to sing along. I've never been able tot create a beat for the little bit of lyrics I have so congrats to you. <3
I really think that the more you write down lyrics the better you'll get. There is always room for improvement but this song really makes me want to bop my head along and sing.

I like the tune and everything, but the lyrics sound a little too repetitive. Every other verse, you only change a few words around to make it different from the rest.

Also, what's the difference between the first and second verses? There's no transition from mood A to mood B, but then there's a pretty big difference between B and C. I think, if you rewrite the second verse to sound less "oh-I-miss-her" and more "I think I need to move on" then it would improve greatly.

I like the last chorus, especially how the narrator seems to have really moved on--so much so that they hardly remember what the girl was like.

Also, the playlist idea is great. Keep that forever, Kay? :p

This was pleasurable to read, and with the adjustments i mentioned earlier, it should make a great piece. happy writing!

Always,
DarkHeart

P.S. You should try playing it with these chords: C G Am F
You might have to adjust the key a bit (I don't remember) but I think it'll sound cool

Hey, Knight Nite!

I always feel like I'm missing the biggest part of the piece when I review lyrics 'cause I can't hear the music. Even if the words seem pretty unimpressive on paper, they can take on new life with a melody, so always keep that in mind~ haha.

That said, I felt like this song moved through really predictable steps -- together to pining to getting over her. I felt like the chorus, too, was cliche even as it mentioned a cliche. There's just nothing really new here for me to connect with, and it moved too quickly through the steps, so I didn't get to see the growth of the character enough to believe they'd be okay so quickly.

Maybe adding a bridge between the second and third section would help give a little bit more credibility to the last section?

I think the biggest problem might be that all the verses fit the same form and so not a lot of new words or new ideas come out except just the fact that it was reversed from the first.

I will say, however, that I really like the idea of listening to someone else's playlist, and I think you could work with this image, maybe in another way.

Hope these thoughts are helpful to you. >_<
PM me or reply to this review w/ questions or comments and we can talk more!
Good luck and keep writing!

Hannah

Well, the beginning stanza of these lyrics seem like it was a bit rushed. I didn't really care for it either. Your lyrics seemed almost like a poem in my eye. You really repeated the same 2 stanzas over and over making it really hard to want to finish reading. There were really only a few changes making the lyrics not that interesting. I don't really know what else to say but good luck and continue writing.