Timeless game

So, where did you get the idea for this style visually? Did you use anyone for inspiration?

As for my review, my main issue here was fragmentation and how the poem said aloud didn't really sound... well, nice. A few lines were a bit clunky, with perhaps a few too many syllables. For example, "for then everything will seem" and "once gone try as you may is." I definitely think some commas are needed too, as I was out of breath when reading it and unsure as where to pause to gain the meaning.

It's a little ambiguous too. Is this your intention? There's a real mix been positivity and negativity. One minute you're telling us that time will answer us and then you're saying oh actually, you can never win. I just felt the message was a little mixed and maybe you were unsure yourself. It seems like you're trying to tackle these BIG questions surrounding human existence without any real focus.

Hope my comments were constructive for you
Look forward to reading more of your work
Helen

I can honestly say I have never seen this type of writing. Interesting. So I don't really know if there are or arn't any punctuation errors in here XD
What is the writing called? It's really vizually appealing if you just scan it over. How there are those three italisised word in the middle in between stanzas... it kind of reminds me of how way back when people used to make pictures with words...illuminated text I believe is the term my teacher used for it....now in the "age of tecnology" illuminated text means words in powerpoint or movie maker or some uch nonsense that move across the screen like a movie or make shapes ( that is really cool but takes FOREVER to do). It felt really nice. I mean like it gave me taht satisfied feeling after I read it...

Keep it up
~Speakerskat the awesome, the wise, the aweinspiring, the totally nuts, the poet, the...well you get the just jk

Oi, hello this is just LovexorxHatred! I thought the extra little words added were a sort of dramatic flair. And your title is just fine. I do believe though if you do choose to use this sort of style again, to do the same kind of thing. I found there was a connection between all the words you used rather than a distinct and distant meaning. When you said, : "So go about blind - Feel everything around, after all there is no real win- win in this timeless game of life." I loved that part to were I read it over, and over again. I think this is a sort of life referring good poem that's needed more often! I am not really a grammar nazi but on the part I just quoted, : "So go about blind - Feel everything around, after all there is no real win- win in this timeless game of life." There was a lack of a full stop or comma? xD Just wanted to point it out, sorry. But I do admire this sort of writing style, I've seen it before but not many can pull it off. You truly captured a well pondered question, if true "happiness" in my opinion can be acquired. So I send my heart felt regards. and I hope you come with many more to come!

I like your style. It's choppy and halted, pausing at just the right moments to draw the readers attention to certain aspects of the work. I did however notice a few little things such as,

once gone try as you may is

Now, if you read the whole stanza very slowly the reader can see what you are trying to say, but if you change the arrangement of this stanza somewhat to separate "gone" and "try" the meaning will become more clear and easier to understand.

Also, and this is a technical error,

adrift (The first letter is not in italics.)

I enjoyed this very much. Happy writing!

First off, I want to say yes, this style works great for this poem. It fits in so well with the topic. However, maybe sure they are aligned in some similar format. For example, when doing th italics and alignment, keep it consistant:
abbccc
ddeeff
gghhii
See now it's steady. It doesn't quite have to be that way, but you see my point. Your last stanza is perfect, just align the other two that way.

The focus is gone
when you try to make sense
for then everything will seem
unreal,
hazy,
vague.
The way is lost when you
question its existence which
once gone try as you may is This sentance makes no sense. Although this is part of the content, it needs to be grammatically correct. "Once gone try" is not.
vanished,
adrift,
unfound.
So don’t doubt its purpose Should be it's
time will answer you before late
you will learn on occasion soon its
essence,
meaning,
heart.
So go about blind Find a different phrasing than "So go about", Go about can be said several different ways such as "Run about blind" there are endless possibilities taht flow better
Feel everything around, Take out "around"
after all there is no real win- win Take out the - and the second win
in this timeless game of life. Honestly, I think that there are a few stronger ways to end this. This phrasing has been used time and time again. Find a new one

There is room for improvement, but I think you have started very well. Just keep an eye on your grammar, and you will be fine.
Good luck and keep writing!
~Kay

Hey there! Reading this poem, it is pretty clear this is a style you are just starting to work with. I personally think it's a good style, it has potential, but thus far i'd have to say that the style doesn't match the content.But keep working at it, try writing something different in the same style, maybe something great will emerge! Hey, that's what writing is about right?

Hi there!

I can't really decide what I think of this Poem. I can't decide whether the style you've used is effective or not.

When I read the words in italics, I hear them in a whisper, and find it quite disorientating when I read the poem, it kinda takes away the rhythm of the reading.

I think this style of poem would be more effective with a different genre of poem, and doesn't focus on something so deep, as I can see you're going for quite a deep meaning that needs interpreting.
But I'm finding it quite hard to grasp the meaning of the poem because of the poem style. You can't sink into the words, not nearly as much as you would a Ballad or Narrative poem.

I would reconsider the style in which the poem has been written in this instance, but look to see if it is applicable to another kinda of poem that goes after a different meaning, and isn't so deep.

Good attempt though! and nice theme as well.

-Cosmo