On the way to the gallows!

Hey Manisha,

I love the premise and concept of this piece. The idea of writing a poem about a man walking to the gallows is great - there's a lot of emotion and tension there.

That being said, while I like the idea behind this piece, I think the point of view choice sort of hindered the piece? The "you" and the hypothetical questions there at the beginning, I understand that the first stanza is supposed to serve as a sort of jumping off point, it gets us to wonder what goes on in the mind of a man walking to his death -- but I wonder if it wouldn't have been more effective to just show it and give us the man's point of view completely?

The problem with the point of view now is that there is so much distance. And I'm not just talking about the use of "you" -- I think of point of view almost like a camera angle. There's a big difference between: The man walked his dog on the way to the store. And: Alfred was dragged by the greyhound pulling at the leash ahead of him.

In the first example, we're at a greater distance just watching the action. In the second example, we're almost right there inside the man's shoes experiencing the action. I want to see some more of the second example in this piece. Show us the tension and the emotion first hand, and I think you'll have a greater effect. Play with it, see what you come up with.

~ as always, Audy

It's sad, very sad but It somehow can be understood. Your poem has a deep meaning and I feel like the poem should be continued. I was listening to some dramatic music while I was reviewing this and amazingly the music fit and added on to your poem. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cQF2z9bXeo

Great job on the poem I only can see a sentence where words could be added which I would think would fit your poem great, In the sentence "You could pray to God to pardon
and pity your end" I think if you were to add your sins at the end of "pardon" It would work. It would a little bit more like this:

"You could pray to God to pardon your sins and pity your end". It seems to add on to the dramatic tensions if you ask me.

Great poem overall 9.5/10

I liked this a lot. It was really sad, but I truly agrees with the message I got from it, and what it showed. I believe that a lot of what what you wrote is somewhat on the line of what a person walking to the gallows would think of. Thank you for putting this up. I like the title, you don't need to change it. I would agree with maybe putting more adjectives, but you got the mood down! You're a good writer.

It's sad. But I liked it. The message it had was thought provoking, and it will definitely stay with me. Although, here are my corrections:

"no thing or no body" it should be nobody and nothing. Unless you did that intentionally, but I suggest you change it because that doesn't flow well.

Another thing, maybe use stronger adjectives. It helps the imagery, which you already pretty good at.

Good job with this overall!