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125,015 Literary Works • 672,847 Reviews
Hello manisha,
EnchantedPanda here to give you a quick review on your poem!
I really liked this. It's got a kind of happy-go-lucky feel to it and it actually makes you happy when you read it purely based on the tone and the language you have composed this with. I really liked the vibes I got when I read this because I can tell you really tried to think about your question and the different elements of life that would contribute to an answer. This is refreshingly thoughtful and at the same time you didn't try and hide back or disguise your curiousness and questioning tone. The result is a combination of both thought and honesty which are both admirable qualities in a piece of literature. I also liked the metaphors you used describing how people react to a merry go round is similar to how they react to life itself. This was when I actually felt a connection and want to continue and read more. Keep note of that because impacting people or sparking some emotional connection is a very good quality in a poem.
The only problem with this is that I found it's just slightly too cliche at some points in the poem, this is because you've used such a common theme: life and the many questions revolving around it. Your actual question, "what is at the center of life", is actually pretty original and creative but because it's to do with life it can be tricky to take a fresh angle on the topic. I would suggest looking through this again and editing anything that sounds vaguely cliche because the chances are, if you think you've heard it before then with poetry you probably have. Take out anything overused because not only is it dull but it also detracts from the quality of the poem and can make it seem dry of emotionally lacking in anything new or interesting.
Also another point that another reviewer mentioned was in the last line;
Please, please, please. If it's a question then you have to use a question mark. Otherwise this makes this phrase just sound overly dramatic and way too over-the-top-happy. You don't want to head down that route either so just take out the explanation mark and swap it in for a question mark instead. I guarantee it will sound and look way better.
Overall I thought this was a nice little poem you have here. With a few little edits I'm sure it can be amazing. Keep up the awesome writing and please message me if you have any comments or questions or would like another review on a different piece. I look forward to seeing your future writing!
From EnchantedPanda
Here's Philosopha's review for you!
This poem caught my eye due to it capturing an important aspect of life. I love how you contrasted certain things people do when it comes to it. "Laughing in glee or screaming in terror for example was one of them. Now when you went for the one line about being hasty and the continued on with its contrasted part of life it took 3 lines to get it across. This wasn't too off putting, however, it would feel more connected if you tried to combine those 3 into one powerful line in accordance to the hasty one. Anyway, great poem and the next one you write maybe try and use the contrasting technique again.. it really works for you.
Hi Annapurna here!
This is my first review so I'll try to be as helpful as possible!
First of all this is a great poem, I love how you've been able to lay it out like you're guiding us through a story.
However maybe to improve on it you could have developed it a bit further, giving us more information about what goes on in life? for example pain and loses? Maybe include more on the joys and events in life? In addition you could have talked about how death is a part of life (don't mean to sound depressing) but death is as important as birth!
Finally I'm not sure whether the last sentence is meant to have an exclamation mark because it's a question? so end it with a question mark.
Hope that's helpful for you! I really like it overall and think you really know how to capture life in words!
Keep writing and good luck!