Bad things happen in slow motion
so that the human mind can grasp
its significance.
Was that why the enemy warrior's
stare stretched forever?
The smile came later when
he realized he was winning.
The pain came even later,
but what stood still in time was
his clear blue eyes
reflecting the face of its prey
one last time before ending it all.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,847 Reviews
Hey there!
Budding writer here for a review. First off I'm not really good at reviewing poems but the title was so interesting that i could not resist! So here goes my review:
Firstly I felt that it could have definetly been a bit more longer especially with your tilte I kind of expected more things. I mean that it could have been expanded a abit more so that it could cover alot more things in releation to it.
"Bad things happen in slow motion
so that the human mind can grasp
its significance."
I really loved this line. What a perfect opening and so very true!
"one last time before ending it all."
And this ending line was even more perfect!
I loved it. I really don't have any issues with it except that i wish it could have been a little more longer.
-Budding writer
Hey manisha!
Great job. I did like this poem, it was different and interesting. The line that I liked the most was:
Was that why the enemy warrior's
stare stretched forever?
It's so true. Why not just move on? I also liked how there was a war inside of him too. I know how you represented the slow motion by how long it took him to recover, but I think it should also be represented in the length of your poem. Make it longer. Describe what it's like to be paid to protect, but to also kill. Detail the pain and what it turns you into, how paranoid you get that because one person tried to hurt you, you believe they're all against you.
I think this poem has great potential.
~Percybeth
Hello there manisha! I'm Niraco, how are you this fine morning?
Anyway. lets move on to the reason I am actually here: reviewing! Much like what ScarlettFire said this was really too short in my eyes. Mainly due to the fact that you called this poem 'Bad things happen in slow motion'. For me if you made it longer then it could have felt as if the poem was actually going slow. I know when people say when a piece goes too slow it is boring but I think that would work to this poems advantage. The poem just went by too quickly and I didn't really feel like it was in 'slow motion' due to its length.
A few lines seemed to be missing a few works which again ScarlettFire pointed out so I won't go into those.
For me these three lines are the best:
These three lines actually seem rather slowed down. Which is why I liked them so much. It really add a sense of 'slow motion' which I really wanted to see more of. It's really interesting to read.
I also enjoyed your subject matter. I haven't actually seen a poem about this before. It really makes a change from the rather depressing ones I tend to read on this site - not that they're bad just that there is so much of them.
So this in a way stands out from the crowd. It's just that it could have been so much better. I really think that this poem has a lot more potential and that it wasn't used to its full advantage which was kinda sad.
Even so, it was still a nice read and I don't regret reading this poem.
Nice job, keep it up!
I decided to right really short poems for this years NaPo so I didn't think about the length :/ Also, I was just talking about slow motion but didn't want the poem to reflect the pace.
Thank you for the review! And I'm glad you liked it!
Hey there, Manisha! Scarlett here to review your poetry. ^^
Wow, first off. This is kinda neat. I like the theme you've got going, though I feel like it's a bit short. You could have expanded on this a lot more, though I do like it as it is. It's pretty cool. Your flow is pretty good and I do like your word choice. The imagery is really cool, though. So, nitpicking!
I think this is missing a word. Either "the" or "a". I'll eave it up you on which one you should use. ^^
Also, this;
This confuses me. What were you trying to say? Cause "most longest" doesn't work for me.
And lastly, this;
its or his? Try to clarify, because you seem to be mixing points-of-views a bit here. The warrior is a man, right? So, I feel "its" should be replaced with "his" here.
And that's about it. I don't think I have anything more to add, so yeah. I hope this review helped you some. ^^
Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar.
Hi there! Thank you for the review! It really helped.
I see what you mean here! I'll fix it right away.
I used its because I was talking about the eyes reflecting the face. So, its is referring to the image in the eye.
Thank you for the review again!
Ahhh, now "it's" makes sense! You're welcome!