A Rememberance

This certainly tugged at my heart strings. I thought the first verse was very effective and further down, I was particularly drawn to the line; 'No more days will hold the anticipation of seeing you'. Such a fitting statement and worded so elegantly! The only thing I noticed was a space broken in 'the' in the sentence; 'for t he crime they did. Never again’.

This was a touching and beautiful piece. Keep up the good work and thank you for sharing.

Hey it's me.

It is a good poem and really interesting. It was sad but i felt as if it could have been a lot sadder and a lot more easier to read as well.
It was very disjointed and patchy in places. Some of it seemed as if it was purposely done and others as if it isn't meant to be there. If that makes sense?

I think you need to focus on not so much the content but the editing and how you present that final product. There are a few grammatical errors but I am not going to go through all of them.

I really enjoyed the first stanza but found that the quality some what slipped after that but it did pick up again in the last stanza.
I think like Adam said you should work on a meter and rhyme because the words and ideas are there it is just how you put them down on paper.

Try reading it through a few hours after you wrote it and see if it flows in your head and if it does then it will likely flow in some one else's head, if not then it won't flow in anybody else's head.

These are just some tips and over all i though that it was really good.

Keep writing, you know how much i love reviewing you work.

Love Nargles xxxx

This is a beautiful poem. It seemed a little bit ranty though, and this is not because it actually is, but because this is a piece of prose split into lines and stanzas. The first step you want to take in redrafting is to give it a meter and a rhyme scheme (if you want) but a meter is very important in a poem - it's what makes it poetry.

Use poetic devices like meter, rhyme, allitteration, assonance, etc. Then it will be able to be analysed as a poem and improved further. But I think once you do that, it will be really great anyway because it already is fantastic as prose.

Well done!