Hallooo, me again!
Beautiful, as always. Excellent word choice, vocabulary, imagery and all the rest. You've communicated a clear idea concisely and effectively.
I have a few suggestions, rather than criticisms. First,
is summed up in the word
almost; the potential
we had is now swirling
You've emphasized the word almost so dang much, but you haven't given it its own line, like this;
"is summed up in the word
almost;
the potential
we had is now swirling..."
Though, looking at it now it definitely would break up your awesome flow. However, since the word is so central to the poem, it would be nice if it was at least at the end of a line.
I had to look up the word bathos, and I'm glad I did because it's parfait. I like the added word "Contradiction" after it, but "clashing elements" seems unnecessary and a little redundant to me, I would use either "contradiction" or "clashing elements," but not both.
Every time I read your poems and I come across sections like this
I thought we were
building and building
but the bricks we used
were made of air
I have feels really hard.
Wonderful work, indieeloise. Thank you for sharing!
Laminated
Points: 700
Reviews: 38
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