Dear forgotten father, I miss you
more than I realize. How long
has it been since I last met your
eyes? It’s been awhile, dear daddy,
my absentee friend. It’s been
a long time, not here to pretend
it hasn’t. Please, just
crack open the door.
I am thirsty, tired, hungered
for survival. The baby booties
you gave me are soiled
and outgrown. The last thing
I remember learning in school
was that humans have five
anatomical cavities. All
of mine are empty, and then
there’s my soul: black hole
number six.
I suppose you have a right
to judge; I’ve dammed
my own bitter stream
since you left. That’s why
I never thought it’d be me
showing up on your doorstep,
but today wasn’t the first time
I’ve seen you around. I sense
your eyes in the men that won’t
meet mine, those men that
leave with the sun.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,564 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Wow. I just LOVE the way that you cut off the lines in this poem! I am a big fan of enjambment-type stuff, so. ...yeah. That part about the cavities is great too.
The best part is the emotion in it, and, having had something similar happen to me, it--well, it got to me. 
If you can't tell, I loved this.
...this is just a passing comment, but
"I sense
your eyes in the men that won’t
meet mine, those men that
leave with the sun. "
is just brilliant.
Hello I'm hanorah this is my review hope you find it helpful. I thought this poem was very good,it shows people not to take their relationships with people for advantage.I myself don't see my father but not because he walked out,but I can still relate to your poem.It keeps the reader interested the whole way through and stirred up many emotions,it's really good how you made a poem while using your emotions as it makes the poem stronger,well done
Hello here is a Jordin with a review that I hops will help you.
OK the felling in here was really good because I know how it feels to have your father gone the way I think is he is on a vacation and is going to come back some day.
Really good work I think you have some good talent at this.
Good work I really hope you have had a good Easter.
Keep writing and good luck.
~Jon~
I really like this. It makes me think of my father and how little I really have gotten to see him. The way it is written is really good and just flows together so well. If you don't mind my asking what inspired you to write this? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.