In case you can’t remember
the morning
you were born - we didn’t emerge
from the womb with instruction
manuals. What they never told you
is that we have been lost
from the beginning. You and I,
we wear our living licenses
behind our sternum
or glued to our sleeves,
but we arrived without batteries
for our GPS.
.
Someone once told me
that he could lose himself
in my bloodstream. I told him
that the labyrinth of my vessels
is no different than anyone
else’s, and it would be best
if he’d stick to a more familiar
path. I didn’t say that I was still trying
to find my way out
of this gray mattered, self-
constructed maze
guarding all the world’s best
intentions.
.
I realize now
that life isn’t about finding
your way -
it’s about recognizing, one breath
at a time, that we are all lost
causes. Forget losing yourself
in a lover, and remember instead
that we are defying the force
of the first magnitude that pushes us
way, pulls us towards the ground.
We are all negative charges
in this chemical imbalance we call
Earth; we are subtraction
signs, dotted yellow lines
designed to be crossed.
.
But we also carry the undiscovered
within us, so let’s find
each other’s echoes in the dark
and escape the minotaur of what
is Nature; let’s connect our arms
like tic-tac-toe; let’s fill in the gaps
by grabbing wrists and saying, “Yes,
we are humanity. Together, we
are more than a lost cause.
We are connected by more
than a beeline for failure.
And we will no longer
be crossed.”
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139,693 Literary Works • 672,656 Reviews
Hey Indie!
I'm always excited when I come across one of your poems ^^ One day, perhaps I shall hear you recite them
This really stuck with me, I absolutely love the imagery of this labyrinth/network of blood vessels and the tie-in to the GPS/womb, I feel like that is a really tight connection there, and unique as well in the execution and build up. That second stanza says a lot to me, and I appreciate the conciseness here. My interpretation here is how often we're giving others advice, and being strong for others, while also being lost and scared and small ourselves -- we're all going through it ^^; That is a rich stanza because I'm right there with the speaker and the "He" and the maze sort of draws you into it, doesn't it?
Now, the next stanza sort of reiterates / clarifies that second stanza. I'm sort of typing up this review as I'm reading along -- so I'm happy that my interpretation is the intended interpretation
The ending is a beautiful message and a great progression from beginning to end. Well done
~ as always, Audy
Hi there Indie,
For a rough draft, I found this poem exceptionally good. In fact, I would call this the final. The rhythm and flow is amazing. I like the use of labyrinths and the Minotaur myth which you have added in here. And also how you mentioned tic-tac-toe, because they're all things we can easily relate to ourselves.
You conveyed a good message here, and delivered it well. It wasn't too simple that it was boring, but not too hidden that we couldn't understand. I only have one little nitpick for you, and then I'm not sure I can help you here anymore.
At one point you said that the speaker's vessels is no different than anyone else's, and it was more smart for him to stick to a familiar path. Don't mean the speaker's vessels are different then? That everyone is unique? Or are you trying to show that everyone is the same, but at the same time different? It confused me a little there, but apart from that, you look all good to go.
This sounds as good as a published poem does. In fact, it should be published!
Deanie x
I haven't really got a criticism for your spoken word poem, It's very creative and all round amazing. I love the message you've portrayed and put across eloquently.
This was my favourite stanza;
"In case you can't remember
the morning
you were born - we didn't
emerge from the womb with instruction
manuals. What they never told you
is that we have been lost from
the beginning. You and I,
we wear our living licenses
behind our sternum
or glued to our sleeves,
but we arrived without
batteries for our GPS."
It's a great, intriguing opening that captures the reader.
Sorry this wasn't very helpful but keep up the good work, well done on this, it's phenomenal
-Infinity x
Unfortunately, I have nothing helpful to say about this, but I just wanted to let you know that I loved it. Particularly these lines:
" Someone once told me
that he could lose himself
in my bloodstream. I told him
that the labyrinth of my vessels
is no different than anyone
else's, and it would be best
if he'd stick to a more familiar
path."
Fantastic. I usually don't post comments unless they're reviews, but I had to say something. Well done, you.
~Blue