Hello! herbgirl here for a review!
i would like to open by saying while this is a very nice poem written out, i can see it as outstanding as a spoken word poem. While the poem stands well on its own, i imagine it might still need voice to add some emphasis and inspiration to it, and i think that could be done well. However this poem is performed or delivered, i enjoyed reading it very much! i do have a few critiques, but overall, this was very well done.
i'll go stanza by stanza. The first stanza i admired for your use of detail to connect the reader to a bigger idea. It flowed well and gave the reader insight into your character. There are two things i have to suggest to regarding this stanza, however. First, your line breaks. This, actually, goes for the majority of your poem. Line breaks are supposed to create a natural pause when reading, or a breath. However, many of your line breaks created awkward splits mid-statement. For example:
The weekend it ended, I was carsick for the first time
in my life. I almost threw up some yogurt
on the way home to you and I had to pull over...
If you pause at the end of each line, you can see how the breaks make the poem more awkward and difficult to understand. Perhaps rearrange it so it reads like this:
The weekend it ended, I was carsick for the first time in my life.
I almost threw up some yogurt on the way home to you
and I had to pull over...
This betters the flow and seems a bit more natural and coherent. Try applying this throught your poem. My other suggestion for the eighth line of this stanza. Here, i was a bit confused, but perhaps if you replace "think" with "thought" the statement will make more sense. If that's not what you meant, perhaps a little more clarification or detail would better explain your point, and you might try to add a few more lines.
i have no suggestions for the second stanza, besides being careful about line breaks. The detail you continued to employ here made the poem more relatable and enjoyable, it was quite pleasant.
Your third stanza, also, was very pleasant in the way it provided detail. The way you organized it as a list of firsts helped unify the stanza. However, halfway through you begin talking about chocolate, and turn away from that list of firsts. i believe at this point you should create a new stanza, since you seem to be broaching a new topic.
The closing stanza is short, so i don't have much to say about it, but i thought you pulled everything together and closed it off neatly and concisely.
Overall, good job! i enjoyed reading this poem, mainly due to your inclusion of detail, which made the poem more personal and relatable. With a bit of editing, i hope this a work you can truly be proud of!
Thanks for the read!