Young Writers Society

"by the number of
rings that encircle
your soul."
This is my favorite line. It's perfect.

Hey there, I'm June,


To me, this poem is perfect. It's so simple but says so much in its short life that I can't help but deeply appreciate it. The more I read over it, the more room I find for interpretation, which keeps me thinking about it after the fact (and that's an incredible achievement in writing, to have your words stick with your audience after the fact).

I don't know what more to say about this other than that I enjoyed it immensely. I don't often encounter poems that make me want to pour forth showers of praise, but this one makes me want to. Two thumbs up; I'd love to see more from you.

June

Um...pretty good! -Neonmask

I'm still trying to understand the deeper meaning of poetry. I have a friend who loves poetry but when she shows it to me I don't understand. Then she explains it to me and I see the deeper meaning and how beautiful it really is. Or sometimes how it shows deep personal encounters. Or you just express your feelings. Could you please leave a short description for me?

I'd say firstly that I think you could do a lot more with this poem than what is already here. However, just a couple technical things:

"on paper --"
If you are going to use the -, just use one. There is no need for the double --.

"in a forest, I know you won't"
I would suggest that you take out in a forest, it's not really needed here, and flows better without it.

I like this imagery that is consistant to one with the trees:
"by the number of
rings that encircle
your soul."

Overall, I think I would just suggest adding more, I think that this would have some potential behind it. Adding some more "tree/forest" imagery as long as you stay away from the cliches would be fantastic. Good luck and keep going with this.
~Kay