Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic

E - Everyone

(for once i'm at a loss for a title, please help)

by indieeloise

in the style of robert gray


god the pacifist cries often

during summer afternoons

my mother the racist gets the two o'clock

blues like clockwork, like the rain


they say the people of alabama

can feel it

an hour before it arrives

can see it a hundred miles off

the anticipation so humid

and heavy that the air

is like a dishrag


the devil is white

and sometimes he tries to wring out my skin

so that it will forget

its history

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
317 Reviews

Points: 20
Reviews: 317

Tue Jul 22, 2014 1:31 pm
lostthought says...

Hmm, title ideas:

Devil's Rain

Alabama Showers

Clockwork Tears

God's Tears


indieeloise says...

Thanks for your input!

User avatar
159 Reviews

Points: 2117
Reviews: 159

Tue Jul 22, 2014 3:20 am
Skydreamer says...

I think if you want to go for an attention grabber "the devil is white" could be an option. You could also go with "history" or "summer afternoons" or "shameless" I dunno where that last one came from but I'm not sure how else to describe it in a title. I love it though! So much I can't review it, I'm not familiar with this type of poetry so I'd be no help. It's great though!


indieeloise says...

Thanks so much for your input dreamy!! <3

User avatar
184 Reviews

Points: 236
Reviews: 184

Sat Jul 19, 2014 4:52 pm
RoyalHighness wrote a review...

RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Enjambment combined with lack of capitalization makes for a very subtle yet profound impact on readers.

I have no criticisms because there is none to give. This poem is powerful and simple at the same time and I am in awe of how you were able to do that.
I don't know what rain has to do with racism but I like the connection you made between the two.
My favorite lines:

my mother the racist gets the two o'clock
blues like clockwork, like the rain

I love this line because of the repetition of the word, "like," in both similes, and their proximity to each other. I have no idea why, but I love that; it has a certain lyrical ring to it that I can't describe.

[quote]and sometimes he tries to wring out my skin
so that it will forget
its history[quote]
There was a slam poem that had a line like this and it gives me goosebumps every time I read it. It's haunting and beautiful and sad all at the same time.
This is a great poem, so I will give you nine stars out of ten.
Maybe next time add a little more detail. That's all I can think of to critique.

Also, for a title, I'd do something like "History," or "Anticipation," or something. Only because I'm a fan of poems whose titles are within the actual poem.

User avatar
122 Reviews

Points: 2321
Reviews: 122

Sat Jul 19, 2014 2:02 am
ccwritingrainbow wrote a review...

Normally, I don't like everything being lowercase, but this poem doesn't look so bad after looking at it, but I would uppercase names of people and places like "alabama." There is another thing I want to point out.

"god, the pacifist, cries often"

"my mother, the racist, gets the two o'clock"

Those are it as far I'm concerned. This is still good.

You wanna be a writer? You don't know how or when? Find a quiet place, use a humble pen.
— Paul Simon