in the style of robert gray
.
god the pacifist cries often
during summer afternoons
my mother the racist gets the two o'clock
blues like clockwork, like the rain
.
they say the people of alabama
can feel it
an hour before it arrives
can see it a hundred miles off
the anticipation so humid
and heavy that the air
is like a dishrag
.
the devil is white
and sometimes he tries to wring out my skin
so that it will forget
its history
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Canary word: Present
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Hmm, title ideas:
Devil's Rain
Alabama Showers
Clockwork Tears
God's Tears
Etc.
Thanks for your input!
I think if you want to go for an attention grabber "the devil is white" could be an option. You could also go with "history" or "summer afternoons" or "shameless" I dunno where that last one came from but I'm not sure how else to describe it in a title. I love it though! So much I can't review it, I'm not familiar with this type of poetry so I'd be no help. It's great though!
<3,
Skydreamer
Thanks so much for your input dreamy!! <3
RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Enjambment combined with lack of capitalization makes for a very subtle yet profound impact on readers.
I have no criticisms because there is none to give. This poem is powerful and simple at the same time and I am in awe of how you were able to do that.
I don't know what rain has to do with racism but I like the connection you made between the two.
My favorite lines:
I love this line because of the repetition of the word, "like," in both similes, and their proximity to each other. I have no idea why, but I love that; it has a certain lyrical ring to it that I can't describe.
[quote]and sometimes he tries to wring out my skin
so that it will forget
its history[quote]
There was a slam poem that had a line like this and it gives me goosebumps every time I read it. It's haunting and beautiful and sad all at the same time.
This is a great poem, so I will give you nine stars out of ten.
Maybe next time add a little more detail. That's all I can think of to critique.
Also, for a title, I'd do something like "History," or "Anticipation," or something. Only because I'm a fan of poems whose titles are within the actual poem.
Normally, I don't like everything being lowercase, but this poem doesn't look so bad after looking at it, but I would uppercase names of people and places like "alabama." There is another thing I want to point out.
"god, the pacifist, cries often"
"my mother, the racist, gets the two o'clock"
Those are it as far I'm concerned. This is still good.