The air was sweet and fresh on the sunlit plains of grass. Bright colorful fish darted under Zoltar as he flew over a crystal clear lake. The wind brushed his wing tips with invisible feathers and whistled in his ears. He let out a roar of joy as he swooped towards the pine covered slopes of Mount Mokewtu.
Just off in the distance he could see two
Shadow Talons. They were calling to him. As he got closer he recognized them.
It was Nira and Mouzan. They were here. They were alive. His chest swelled with
joy as he thrust himself forward, desperate to close the gap between them and
him.
Suddenly there was a rumble and the trees beneath Zoltar shook and trembled. Birds flew from the mountain in great, vivid flocks of color, their shrill calls piercing the still air.
Cold dread replace the fleeting joy from a moment before. He knew that sound. It was about to happen. The mountain was going to erupt. Frantically, he threw himself towards them, but the gap never seemed to get smaller. He needed to reach them. He needed to warn them before it happened.
There was another growl from the mountain and then with an ear-splitting boom, the alp exploded into a cloud of red, hot lava and smoke. The sky went black and smouldering rocks of flame roared past Zoltar. There was another thundering bang as half the mountain broke away from the volcano in an avalanche of rock, molten lava and gas. It sped down the slope towards Nira and Mouzan like a great, angry beast.
Zoltar watched in horror as Mouzan and Nira panicked, flapping their wings wildly as they tried to get away from the wall of molten rock and flame. Powerless to help, Zoltar could only yell with grief as the great beast slammed into Mouzan, snatching him from the air and swallowing him into the depths of its flaming heart. Nira just cleared the flames and was hovering above them, staring down at the streams of burning gold.
Suddenly the force that had been holding Zoltar released its grip and he streaked towards Nira. He was going to reach her. He’d be able to save her. Everything would be okay.
Without warning a blazing figure burst from the burning streams, hurtling towards Nira’s exposed tail.Time seemed to stand still as the disfigured Wisp Talon clamped its jaws on her tail. Nira’s scream tore through the air, ripping it apart as she was sent plummeting into the lava.
Zoltar leapt up, his heart thundering in his chest and a tingly weakness seemed to have infected his limbs. He took a few shaky breathes. It had only been a dream. It wasn’t real. It was the same dream he’d had for the last three years, only now Nira had become part of it.
With a shaky sigh, Zoltar settled back down on the cave floor, letting the cool, rough stone scrape the scales on his belly. His sides were still heaving and his breath came out raspy and short. The cave was dark and he could hear Shiraku snoring softly in the back of the cavern.
A cold sadness hung over him. This time had been a dream, but he’d still lost them. Mouzan to an eruption he’d been powerless to stop and Nira to a Wisp Talons poison. They were still gone and he was alone on a strange island with no one. His only company were his thoughts and they were plaguing him more than comforting him.
Zoltar blinked away the tears threatening to spring forth as he stared out over the still forest. A nightingale was calling somewhere below, its sharp notes cutting through the cold night air.
“Had a nightmare?” a quiet voice whispered.
Zoltar whipped his head around and found himself staring into Felistia’s golden eyes. For a second he didn’t know what he should do next. Should he tell her the dream or simply pretend that nothing had happened?
“Yes,” he breathed, sitting up, “The same nightmare I’ve had for three years now.”
“I couldn’t sleep either.” Felistia said, her wing tip brushing his as she sat down next to him, “What was the dream about? I find it helps to talk through it.”
“It was about home, the Shadow Lands. Mount Mokewtu erupted and my family was caught in its path. They didn’t make it.” Zoltar whispered, trying to squish all emotions out of his voice.
There was silence between them.
“I have nightmares about my home too,” Felistia sighed, after a few long moments. She stared out through the vines, the moonlight illuminating her ice blue scales.
Zoltar looked at her. Her nightmares must be just as bad as his. She’d been cast out of her own tribe and had been sent out into the world with no one. What must it feel like to have your own tribe, your own family, turn on you and sentence you to a life alone with no hope of return? Zoltar couldn’t imagine it. It was bad enough to watch your family die before you while you watched helplessly, but at least he knew they’d loved him. Felistia’s family had turned their backs on her. They’d sent her away. How unloved must she feel?
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
“There’s not much to tell,” Felistia said, turning away from him. She rubbed a paw against her eyes and sniffed.
Zoltar brushed a wing up against her, “I guess life doesn’t always go the way you planned. I learnt that the hard way.”
“You can say that again,” Felistia hissed, turning back to face him, “You love someone all your life, you grow up with them and then they turn around and stab you in the back.” She growled softly, her head spikes flared. She sat silent for a moment before saying. “I guess you just have to move on from these things. Dwelling on them doesn’t make things better. At least, that’s what I tell myself.”
“Yah,” Zoltar sighed, “That doesn’t always work though.”
“No, but that’s why I try to keep busy during the day. If you’re working, you don’t have time to think about these things.” She paused, half smiling, “You know, nothing gets my mind off this sort of thing more than a hunt. It’s a little challenging on the island with all these trees, but nothing beats the thrill of it.”
She laughed quietly, “You know, Shiraku is just awful. She might be a great fisher, but when it comes to hunting in the trees it’s almost laughable. Last time she almost collided with a tree. She now mostly sticks to fishing at the lake. I prefer it that anyway. She kept spooking the prey. Though, I have to admit, I’m not very good at it either. It’s not the sort terrain I’m used to. I haven’t caught anything in a few days.”
“I could help you. That is, if you want me too?” Zoltar said perking up, “The slope of Mount Mokewtu in the Shadow Lands had a forest similar to this one. I’m sure I could teach you a thing or two about hunting in a closed environment. Besides, it’s been a few days since I last ate something.”
“I’d love that,” she whispered, smiling as she gently wrapping her tail around his.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever it is in your part of the world),
And this will be the last chapter I review for the day,
First Impression: Another bit of a filler chapter but I think this one contributes more to the character development and that it does really well.
Anyway, on to it,
Love this whole dream sequence. Its a perfect little reminder of the pain that he is going through right now and its packed with great imagery.
Nitpick: Last time you mentioned that Shiraku snored like a walrus. Now she's quiet all of sudden.
Why do I get the feeling that she had been looking at him for some time before she spoke?
Felistia sounds like she has quite the story to tell. Will be really nice to find out this story eventually.
I smell a friendship possibly born out of the situation they find themselves in with having come from recent tragedies. Should be interesting going forward.
And that's it.
Overall: Short but jam packed with all sorts of little plot details being teased and characters being developed. Really well written as always.
So that's all I'll be able to manage today. I'll get to the rest of the chapters tomorrow and probably the day after too. I managed to reach the halfway point of this first book (Yaaay!!!). So far it's been really good. Looking forward to reading the other half tomorrow.
As always take what you think will help and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you again. Felistia does have quite a bit to tell. I'll definitely be exploring that later.
Your Welcome! Yes Felistia keeps a lot of secrets doesn't she?
Hello! I haven't reviewed anything in a while (meaning, like, a week) so we'll see how this goes.
Here's my review:
As Percy Jackson is one of my favorite series, I love nightmares in books. Also, you wrote the nightmare really well, so that's good. One thing I would say is I can't tell exactly how long Zoltar has been on the island, because you don't really say. Are you skipping days? Or has he literally been on the island only, like, two days? If it's the later, I feel like Zoltar and Felistia are bonding WAY to fast. (Then again I'm the sort of person who develops relationships painstakingly slow, so maybe that's just me.) Anyway, this was a great chapter! There weren't too many descriptions, but since you don't really introduce anything new to describe and a lot of it is internal monologue and dialogue, it's perfectly fine.
Anyway, that's my review! I hope it was helpful.
Thank you for the review. Zoltar has only been on the island for two days, but at the same time he and Felistia are lonely and so are tending so bond quicker than if they both had normal lives.
GOOD MORNING!
Something to keep in mind, though! They literally met just two days ago, I think? Maybe I'm overthinking the intertwining tails thing though and they're really just grateful for the other's attention. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE DRAGONS MATE DIFFERENTLY THAN HUMANS. VERY POSSIBLE. O.O;
Awwww yay!! We get a reference to Mouzan! I don't know if this is a result of some editing already, so maybe there's now some references in earlier chapters; but I did forget who he was. XD I had to verify that it was, in fact, his brother by checking the first chapter. So if you haven't already, more references to the memory of his brother will help remind the reader of the name Mouzan!
OOF. what a loaded nightmare omg. the poor guy. You did such a good job with that dream; it was so vivid.
Ooooh he was so quick to share. I wonder if this spoils his lie about trying to take over the tribe or if Felistia just believes it as a nightmare.
HNNNNNNNNNG FELISTIA FEELS ;.;
HE HASN'T EATEN IN DAYS OMG.
Okay, this exchange was adorable. I wasn't sure if it was moving too fast, but I like the idea that these two are bonding after having gone through so much trauma. Felistia seems wonderful, and I think we can believe her story to be true and that she was outcast. Gosh, the poor thing. <3
THESE POOR BABIES. <3
BUT ANYWAY. Yeah, it feels like the romance is moving super quickly WHICH IS FINE but that could come with some natural resistance. They're probably bonding due to their loneliness and finding someone who actually understands the pain they're going through. Which would mean they don't actually know each other well enough and could run into tension later that brings the relationship into question. Basically, this can produce a lot of drama later, and drama is so much fun to read.
I still totally ship them.
Thank you for another great review.
Glad you liked it.
They are bonding due to being alone and having gone through a lot, but I have planned a disruption, you could say, later on that will put their friendship at risk. Also they're also bonding simply because they're on a strange island and the more dragons they've got the better for them.
I wouldn't say it's a romance yet though.
Thank you again.
Hello feli!
Hope you're doing well today or tonight! I'm here to give you a review. Let's get right into it now, shall we? Alright.
So, I have this little feeling that Zoltar and Felistia might like each other. Yeah, they like each other as friends, but what if more than that? The last sentence proves my point. Or maybe that's just a symbol of friendship. I honestly have no clue about dragons.
But, if they did love each other, won't they be, like, killed or something? Because you know, they're different species of dragons. Oh my gosh, I would love to see that coming! That's be so interesting...!
Also, that nightmare though. You said Zoltar was having this dream for the past three years? Has it even been three years since his wife a brother died? Didn't Nira die just a few months ago? And what about Mouzan? I wouldn't say he died three years ago. Maybe like a year ago? That kinda confused me. Or maybe you wrote 3 years later... somewhere and I didn't see it. That would be quite stupid of me. Hehe.
He seems so ridiculously happy! It made me smile too.
But little does he know...
A comma after "Suddenly" would do good.
How about turn "replace" into "replaced"? Because you have your story in past tense, remember?
Space after the "Time" in the second sentence. Also, this sentence sent chills down my spine. Seriously.
No need for the second "e" in "breathes". It needs to be "breaths"
SHE ALMOST COLLIDED WITH A TREE! XD XD XD XD
I can see why she prefers the lake now, lol.
Just saying, the sentence "I prefer it that anyway." seems as if it's missing a word. Actually, it is. If you did it like this: "I prefer it like that anyway." I think it'd make a bit more sense.
Also, the second last sentence here, needs "of" after "sort".
That's it for my review! Hope this helped in one way or the other. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever.
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Finally the next chapter!!!So far all the chapters have been really interesting I certainly have not lost interest.Grammar and punctuation according to me are flawless.Your imagery,the way you describe the emotions pain,happiness,longing are just incredible.Its like I can feel those emotions with the characters.I especially love how you describe the surroundings sight,auditory,tactile all are used in such a balanced proportion.So you can see I am really liking your story.But there is one thing bothering,nagging at the back of my mind when I read it.The problem is Zoltar I dunno he is a Shadow Talon this name is enough to terrify anyone right?A creature of shadows with lots of awesome powers.Yes that is the problem Zoltar does not seem to have a lot of powers or strengths.I mean he gets intimidated by other dragons like really easily.He could not even protect himself from that monster the one felistia had to save him from.He is a man he should be powerful enough to defend himself without the help of à lady and I see a SHIP coming this way wings brushing,tails wrapping hmmmmm.And the last sentence I guess typo it should be "As she gently wrapped her tail around his"Anyway let's get back to Zoltar so yeah I feel like he should show more of his dragonish strength but of course I could be wrong maybe you want to show that the loss of his loved ones(Nira's death was soooooooooooo sad and the way Zoltar keeps remembering her rips my heart)had left him so confused and lost that he cannot fully utilize his powers or you intended to show him less powerful.I dunno being a ST should be a pretty powerful thing.But this is my opinion after all.I think Zoltar should tell Felistia the truth bcz she said that she had already been stabbed in back and I am SCARED.
Keep up the excellent work.Can not wait for the next chapter
Peace Out(Hope you r not offended or anything)
Thank you for another review.
You make a good point about Zoltar.
Zoltar will start to grow in confidence and will start to get the lay of the land. At the moment he's very unfamiliar with his surroundings where as Felistia has been there a while. That's why he doesn't seem to be as strong and intimidating as he should be.
Thanks again.
It was a pleasure.I can't wait to see him grow%uD83D%uDE09%uD83D%uDE09%uD83D%uDC4D%uD83D%uDC4D%uD83D%uDC4D