Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Time for chapter 4, A bit shorter (Yaaay!!) and a cliffhangar(Noooo!!!)
First Impression: Okay we are approaching this new island. Setting the stage for some intriguing scenes by the looks of it. Not too much happened in this chapter but gave us a good description of this island.
The mountains shone a flaming crimson as the sun rose over the towering peaks. It bathed the Moon Talon village below in bright ruby and golden copper rays, driving the mist curling around the houses back to the shadows. The bright green fields surrounding the village blushed golden emerald as the sun’s light swept over the swaying grasses. A roaring river cascaded down from the tree covered mountains behind the village. It twisted and turned like a writhing serpent on its course down through the fields and out to the far off sea. Willows bowed over the gushing water, their long vines whipped up by the raging current.
*gets dreamy look* I wish I could describe things half as good as this.
Zoltar gliding over the village’s mud houses, his scales shining like black crystal. The wind brushed his wing tips and whistled in his ears. He took a deep breath of the sweet, early morning air. A ripple of nervous anticipation crossed [b[his obsidian scales[/b] like electric sparks as he scanned the ground below with his eagle eyes.
I think I said this earlier to. By now we know his scales are black so the repeated description is a little unnecessary. (I'm saying this despite doing the same mistake myself)
They’d fought for land with the Sea Talons many years ago and neither side had won in his eyes. Many dragons from both sides were lost and many left the battle with permanent scars. The Shadow Talons had got their land by the sea, but in doing so they’d made a permanent enemy out of the Sea Talons and had had to guard the coast from further attaches back when the coast had been worth fighting for. The whole thing just wasn’t worth it for the little they’d gained.
You've built up quite the world with a good amount of history. I love the way you show it. Very smooth and does not feel like exposition being showed down the reader's throat.
All he knew was that it would be better to try something along these lines before announcing war.
That's a good point here. I hope we get some reason for Hisster to just think war is the only option.
One dolphin would make a nice meal for a dragon, but they looked so happy leaping in and out of his shadow that he decided to leave them be.
This is just a lovely line. Made me smile for some unknown reason.
Soon they were far above the ocean and on course to fly straight over the maze. The mist swirled below Zoltar like a writhing sea. Strange echoing calls reverberated from the haze, but he couldn’t see nothing.
He felt a brush on his left wing and looked over to see Nira fly beside him, her wing just brushing his. Her eyes reflected the fear he felt, but they pushed on.
Before long they broke through the heaviest of the fog and landed on a beach. Tendrils of mist snaked over the dark grey pebbles that made up with coast. Thick forest boarded the beach. Not a blade of the weak sunlight could break through the dense foliage. The sky was still hazy with mist and it was hard to make out anything beyond the forest’s edge.
Beautiful little establishing shot.
“You do want to head back to the Shadow Lands before night settles right?” Nira asked, her voice ever so slightly trembling.
Considering the respectful way they've talked to Scorpus so far this seems a tad too confrontational.
Suddenly some movement off to his right caught his eye. It was so slight he almost missed it. For all he knew it could have been some leaves blowing in the wind, except there was no wind. The breeze from before had died off a few minutes ago. There was nothing to make the foliage move.
“Guys,” he hissed, crouching with his wings flared out. Nira and Scorpus looked sharply over at him. He bared his fangs and nodded towards where the movement had come from. But what had moved only a moment ago now looked like a clump of bushes, unmoving and still in the cool night air.
“What did you see?” Nira asked, slowly walking over to Zoltar. Her amethyst eyes seemed to glowing the ever darkening shadows of the forest.
“I don’t know,” Zoltar whispered, glaring at the spot, “I’m sure I just saw something move that bush.”
“Are you sure you didn’t just imagine it?” Scorpus said, moving on.
“Maybe,” Zoltar said, relaxing a bit, “I swear I saw something though.”
“It might have been a rodent or small bird?” Nira suggested as they followed Scorpus.
“No. I don’t think so,” Zoltar growled, looking back over his shoulder. The forest seemed shrouded in darkness thick enough to touch. Shadows appeared distorted and the ever louder moans of the night creatures seemed to be warping in the cooling air.
“Scorpus, I….” he never got to finish the sentence.
Beautiful little ending. Great cliffhanger.
And cut!!!
Overall: Another beautiful chapter. Just a couple of nitpicks to point out. Really loving this story as I go along. I suspect that Scorpus is just a little shady or am I reading too much into this?
Anyway as always I may have repeated a few things that others already pointed out. There are a lot of reviews. Still Take what you think helps and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 250258
Reviews: 4065
Donate