The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter Six

by felistia

Published May 23, 2019

E - Everyone

In The Quest For Fire Book One - to edit

A cold dawn spread across the sky, straining to break the night’s dark grip on the land. A ghostly mist still hung over the beach, the icy tendrils grasping at the bordering forest. A lonely breeze drifted aimlessly through the tops of the trees as if lost, its melancholy moan touching the canopy.

It wasn’t until the edge of the sun surfaced from the ocean that the shadows cloaking the coast retreated back to the trees. The light slowly spread, chasing back the dark of the night, bringing warmth back to the land.

In the light of the new day a figure could be seen sitting on the shore, staring out at the swaying ocean waters. The early morning sun lit up his obsidian black scales, warming them as he sat hunched over, wings bowed, his tail curled tightly over his claws.

How could she be gone, disappearing from his life forever like a flower in full bloom wilting in the winter snows? Everything they’d planned, the family they’d talked about having, had been taken from him in one short night. There was no life left for him now, no one left to love, no home to go back to, just a tribe on the edge of death and land that had once been his home.

A gently breeze brushed his wing tips, carrying the earthy scent of the forest mingled with the salt of the sea skyward. Zoltar took in a deep breath, letting the air fill his lungs. Staring up longingly, he could see her in the clouds as they glided across the endless blue heavens. He could see her smiling in the sun’s golden rays as they touched his horns.

Sighing, he got to his paws. Nira wouldn’t want him to give up. She would have continued on if it had been him. They’d been working to save their tribe for the last three years. He couldn’t stop now. Then her death would have been in vain. His tribe was depending on him. He was the only soldier left.

He could only hope that Hisster had a plan to get rid of the Wisp Talons that didn’t involve the Shadow Talon tribe fighting. After seeing those creatures last night, he knew that his tribe wouldn’t stand a chance against them. He, Nira and Scorpus were the strongest Shadow Talons beside Hisster and they’d been overcome with ease by about ten Wisp Talons.

Zoltar growled. They shouldn’t have been so easily defeated. They were Shadow Talons; renowned throughout Megalonia for their stealth and strength in battle. How had they been so simply overpowered by some scrawny Wisp Talons? Sure they had poison, but that could have easily been avoided. They had fire, night vision and the ability to blend into the shadows without making a sound.

It could have been the fact that they were in unknown territory and it had been getting dark. It had been the best time to set an ambush.

They’d had warning though. One of the Wisp Talons must have brushed against the bush because he’d seen it just before the attack. He’d even warned the others. How could they still have been caught off guard?

A thought dawned on him, sweeping over him like a cool night mist. Scorpus had refused to listen to him when he said he’d seen something. He’d completely dismissed it. Nira and he had even tried to talk him out of staying past sunset. It was an obvious mistake. Scorpus had felt safe just because they hadn’t seen anything during the day, but every soldier knew that night time was an entirely different beast from the day. It was well known that you shouldn’t stay in possible enemy territory after dark, but Scorpus had ignored that rule, ignored his fellow soldiers warning. All because he didn’t want to make the flight back. It was his fault that they’d been ambushed, his fault that Nira had been killed.

Zoltar hissed, whipping his tail back and forth along the sand, scattering the sand in all directions.

It wasn’t like he could do anything about it now. Scorpus was dead. He’d paid for his actions. The Wisp Talons on the other paw hadn’t. They’d attached without provocation.

It was obvious now that there was no chance of a peace agreement or sharing the island. How could he have been so stupid to think that they could share the island? Never in the history of Megalonia had two tribes shared land. It was the same here and after what they’d done, he didn’t feel pity for them. They could have tried it the peaceful way. He would have even tried to talk Hisster into it. Nira would have been right by his side. She would have supported him in an appeal for peace, but she wasn’t here anymore was she? She’d been murdered by the Wisp Talons. Those creatures didn’t deserve peace. Only one tribe could have the island and he would do anything to remove those creatures from the island. He’d need outside help though. The Shadow Talons couldn’t do it on their own.

….

The fires from Mount Mokewtu burned bright against the starless sky as Zoltar soared into the Shadow Lands. The jagged cracks ripping through the ground seemed to fly with him as he tore through the air.

He landed just outside the tunnels leading to Hisster’s quarters. Racing down the tunnels, Zoltar kept his eyes on the tunnel ahead, not turning to look at his cave as he ran past.

Before long he reached the throne room. Hisster was scanning through some books perched on a ledge carved from the rock wall. He looked up, startled as Zoltar burst in.

Zoltar screeched to a halt and hurriedly bowed, sweeping his wings to the ground.

“Zoltar,” Hisster walked over, scanning the tunnel from where Zoltar had just come. A few seconds past and Hisster asked, “Where are the others?”

Zoltar stood up, clinching his paws, “They didn’t make it,” he said is a cold voice. He gripped the emotions boiling within him, locking them in a box where they could not escape. He couldn’t let them come to the surface. He couldn’t let them break free.

“What happened?” Hisster’s face darkened and his tail started to lash.

“You were right about those Wisp Talons,” Zoltar spat, gritting his teeth, “They were on the island. They ambushed us just after dusk. Scorpus fell to a spear after he decided we should stay after dark,” Zoltar snarled under his breath. He was almost glad Scorpus hadn’t made it out. How could he let this happen? He was their leader. He was supposed to make the decisions; the right ones. Decisions that would keep them safe, but his lack of caution or lack of wanting to fly back had cost him his wife’s life. He was luck that the Wisp Talons killed him, because if he’d escaped and Nira hadn’t, Zoltar would have killed him himself. “Nira and I nearly made it out, but Nira was bitten by one of those creatures. I managed to get her out of there, but she was … poisoned. She didn’t make it,” His voice faded to a whisper and he looked away from Hisster. He swallowed the lump building in his throat, pushing down on his feelings.

“Ohh,’ Hisster said, a look of guilt flashing across his eyes, “I’m…sorry for your loss.”

“Ahh, it’s not like it’s your fault,” Zoltar flattened his ears and sighed. It wasn’t Hisster’s fault. He hadn’t been the one to make them stay out after dark in enemy territory. “You didn’t even know if the Wisp Talons were on the island,” He snorted, “I guess there’s no question of it now? We have to get rid of them if we want the island. You said before that you had a plan.”

“Yes, the plan,” Hisster shifted his wings, “I want to go to the Ghost Talons. They have offered their… shall we say... services before when a dragon tribe has completed a task or given enough treasure. I want their help to destroy those Wisp Talons, leaving the island free for us to take.”

A strange coldness swept over Zoltar at the mention of the Ghost Talons. Sure, he wanted to get rid of the Wisp Talons, but did they have to get the help from those dragons, “With the upmost respect Sir, are you sure bringing the Ghost Talons into it is the best idea? Look at what happened to the Wind Talons. What’s to stop the Ghost Talons from doing that to our tribe?”

“I understand Zoltar, but we don’t have a lot of options here and the Ghost Talons have only done that once. The likelihood that they’d accept gold from the Wisp Talons over what we’re going to give them is highly unlikely.”

Zoltar looked at him, questioningly.

“Long before I became chief, the Shadow Talons used to trade with the Wisp Talons. They would give us rare plants, animals and healing herbs in return for gold, silver and jewels. You know why?” Hisster bared his teeth before snarling, “They didn’t have any. That tribe has no treasure. They couldn’t persuade the Ghost Talons to change sides even if they wanted to. That’s why I’m willing to take this risk.”

Zoltar nodded slowly, the cold unease lifting. If they could get the Ghost Talons on their side, the Wisp Talons would fall like trees before a raging storm. It was worth a try. What did they have to lose at this point?

“Let’s do it then,” Zoltar hissed

“Good. Then it’s settled. We’ll leave for the Forbidden Hills in the morning.”

Chapter 7: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/felistia/The-Quest-for-Fire--Into-the-Mists--Chapter-Seven-144578

Comments & reviews · 5
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kaitlyn
Review
kaitlyn wrote a review Review · Jun 16, 2020

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night,(whatever it is in your part of the world)

Okay, a couple more and I might have to take a bit of a break,

First Impression: Forming our protagonist's motives I see. Neat little chapter designed to set that whole thing up. Okay, sounds pretty neat. And I see the plot is taking off finally. Maybe? We had a couple of false starts to the plot.

Anyway getting right to it,

A cold dawn spread across the sky, straining to break the night’s dark grip on the land. A ghostly mist still hung over the beach, the icy tendrils grasping at the bordering forest. A lonely breeze drifted aimlessly through the tops of the trees as if lost, its melancholy moan touching the canopy.


As always a really good description to begin the proceedings.

In the light of the new day a figure could be seen sitting on the shore, staring out at the swaying ocean waters. The early morning sun lit up his obsidian black scales, warming them as he sat hunched over, wings bowed, his tail curled tightly over his claws.

How could she be gone, disappearing from his life forever like a flower in full bloom wilting in the winter snows? Everything they’d planned, the family they’d talked about having, had been taken from him in one short night. There was no life left for him now, no one left to love, no home to go back to, just a tribe on the edge of death and land that had once been his home.


Good little depiction of all this grief.

Zoltar growled. They shouldn’t have been so easily defeated. They were Shadow Talons; renowned throughout Megalonia for their stealth and strength in battle. How had they been so simply overpowered by some scrawny Wisp Talons? Sure they had poison, but that could have easily been avoided. They had fire, night vision and the ability to blend into the shadows without making a sound.


Exposition time I see. A touch on the nose but not very obstructive. Flow is interrupted a little bit though.

A thought dawned on him, sweeping over him like a cool night mist. Scorpus had refused to listen to him when he said he’d seen something. He’d completely dismissed it. Nira and he had even tried to talk him out of staying past sunset. It was an obvious mistake. Scorpus had felt safe just because they hadn’t seen anything during the day, but every soldier knew that night time was an entirely different beast from the day. It was well known that you shouldn’t stay in possible enemy territory after dark, but Scorpus had ignored that rule, ignored his fellow soldiers warning. All because he didn’t want to make the flight back. It was his fault that they’d been ambushed, his fault that Nira had been killed.


When you lay it out this way it does seem to be a major brain fart by Scorpus to make such a bad decision but then that had to be done I suppose.

It was obvious now that there was no chance of a peace agreement or sharing the island. How could he have been so stupid to think that they could share the island? Never in the history of Megalonia had two tribes shared land. It was the same here and after what they’d done, he didn’t feel pity for them. They could have tried it the peaceful way. He would have even tried to talk Hisster into it. Nira would have been right by his side. She would have supported him in an appeal for peace, but she wasn’t here anymore was she? She’d been murdered by the Wisp Talons. Those creatures didn’t deserve peace. Only one tribe could have the island and he would do anything to remove those creatures from the island. He’d need outside help though. The Shadow Talons couldn’t do it on their own.


I see we get an explanation for why there can be no peace agreement but then I hope there's a why the dragons can't exist in peace in there somewhere.

“You were right about those Wisp Talons,” Zoltar spat, gritting his teeth, “They were on the island. They ambushed us just after dusk. Scorpus fell to a spear after he decided we should stay after dark,” Zoltar snarled under his breath. He was almost glad Scorpus hadn’t made it out. How could he let this happen? He was their leader. He was supposed to make the decisions; the right ones. Decisions that would keep them safe, but his lack of caution or lack of wanting to fly back had cost him his wife’s life. He was luck that the Wisp Talons killed him, because if he’d escaped and Nira hadn’t, Zoltar would have killed him himself. “Nira and I nearly made it out, but Nira was bitten by one of those creatures. I managed to get her out of there, but she was … poisoned. She didn’t make it,” His voice faded to a whisper and he looked away from Hisster. He swallowed the lump building in his throat, pushing down on his feelings.


I guess this is going to be about some sweet revenge.

“Ohh,’ Hisster said, a look of guilt flashing across his eyes, “I’m…sorry for your loss.”


That just feels fake. I get more and more suspicious of this one as time goes by. *Brain initiate theory developer*

Zoltar nodded slowly, the cold unease lifting. If they could get the Ghost Talons on their side, the Wisp Talons would fall like trees before a raging storm. It was worth a try. What did they have to lose at this point?

“Let’s do it then,” Zoltar hissed

“Good. Then it’s settled. We’ll leave for the Forbidden Hills in the morning.”


Time to go meet the ghost talons I suppose. Hope the plot actually gets underway here.

And that's it for this chapter.

Overall: As always well written. The plot is continuing in a pretty interesting direction. We'll see how things turn out I suppose.

Alright that's a wrap on yet another chapter.

Stay Safe
Harry

Thank you for another review. I know things aren't going very fast, but I needed to set this all up before I could start to get into the meat of the story. :D

Your welcome!! It's fine. I'm just used to more fast paced stories and I write fast paced stories so this is seemed a tad slow. Besides judging by the quality of the story so far I've no doubt that the meat of the story will be worth the wait.

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Necromancer14
Review
Necromancer14 wrote a review Review · Apr 23, 2020

Interesting chapter!

Here's my review:

I see that Zoltar is doing the whole "revenge" thing, needing someone to blame. It makes for an interesting plot, and I can't wait to figure out how the rest goes! Anyway, here's my other thoughts on this: your plot is quite interesting so far, so that's good. your descriptions were wonderful, though, like you do sometimes, you could've used more. With grammar, you made a few comma mistakes like usual, but your excellent interesting plot, character development, and descriptions totally overshadows that. Actually, this chapter probably had the most typos so far. There were actually quite a few, so I would look for those and fix them.

How could she be gone, disappearing from his life forever like a flower in full bloom wilting in the winter snows?


I liked this simile.

A gently breeze brushed his wing tips,


I believe you meant "a gentle breeze."

A thought dawned on him, sweeping over him like a cool night mist.


Again, nice descriptions! This part was quite dark. If this was star wars, this would be the part where Zoltar joins the dark side.

“Zoltar,” Hisster walked over, scanning the tunnel from where Zoltar had just come. A few seconds past and Hisster asked, “Where are the others?”

Zoltar stood up, clinching his paws, “They didn’t make it,” he said is a cold voice.


This dialogue was really good. You could definitely feel the anger in Zoltar's voice. Also, though, "he said is a cold voice?" I believe you meant "he said IN a cold voice." You made a lot of typos like this throughout this chapter; I would look it over and check for them, because I don't think I've mentioned them all.

“Ohh,’ Hisster said, a look of guilt flashing across his eyes, “I’m…sorry for your loss.”


Guilt? Hisster is just getting more and more suspicious.

Sure, he wanted to get rid of the Wisp Talons, but did they have to get the help from those dragons,


I think the comma at the end should really be a question mark.

“Let’s do it then,” Zoltar hissed

“Good. Then it’s settled. We’ll leave for the Forbidden Hills in the morning.”


Very ominous ending. And I don't trust Hisster at all.

Well, that's my review! I hope it was helpful.

Thank for another review. It seems I do have quite a few typos. I'll need to go back and look over it. I wrote this chapter quite fast as it all kinda poured out this time around and I already had to go back and fix a lot of errors. Sometimes I get to familiar with the writing and read right over the issues. Thanks again. :D

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JabberHut
Review
JabberHut wrote a review Review · Jun 25, 2019

HELLO AND GOOD MORNING! :D

Oooh you are so right, the start of this chapter goes immediately into Zoltar's thinking process and how he's handling his grief. This completes that part of the puzzle for me, so this is lovely.

He, Nira and Scorpus were the strongest Shadow Talons beside Hisster and they’d been overcome with ease by about ten Wisp Talons.


This is a rather bold statement! Considering we've never really seen them fight before this scene with the Wisp Talons, I have no choice but to take the narrator's word for it. If it's proven true later, then I'll probably be okay with it. But this could be reason to expand the beginning, adding scenes here and there to show their strength surpasses everyone else's. And maybe even perhaps show that Scorpus is maybe the strongest one? Or the leaderish one? Again, though, maybe Zoltar's strength will be displayed better later on and I'm speculating too soon. It did cross my mind though when reading this statement.

OOF. HE'S BLAMING SCORPUS. Which I totally understand here since Scorpus made the call to stay, and if they hadn't stayed, they wouldn't be in this situation. I don't know if it was quite dark yet though at the time, was it? I guess I pictured it as dusk, so maybe I missed the detail about it being night already. That's on me. XD

STILL. I like the progression from Nira to blaming Scorpus to hating the Wisp Talons. Really good build-up here.

MAN THIS IS GETTING SERIOUS. Zoltar is blinded by rage now, and it's beautiful. So angry at the Wisp Talons, that he's now dedicated himself to removing the Wisp Talons from their own island and moving in with his tribe. Like, talk about revenge. I love it.

Oh yeah, Scorpus died to a spear. I wonder who threw the spear.

BUT ZOLTAR, HE DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT THE POISON.

I don't usually comment on grammar, but I believe the spelling is "utmost respect" not "upmost." Since that one is kind of an anomaly of a word, I'll point that one out. :D

Oooooh the Ghost Talons sound tough and I like it. SUPER STOKED.

I think Hisster brushed over the loss of Scorpus and Nira a little too quickly. He acknowledged Zoltar's grief over losing Nira, but he didn't really defend Scorpus at all. And he didn't really dwell on the loss of losing two of his best soldiers, leaving him with just Zoltar. I feel like these two could use a moment to reflect on this, to dwell in their emotions. Hisster will get a better grasp of where Zoltar is emotionally while doing his best to depart his own wisdom over the situation and either 1) defend Scorpus or 2) reveal some deeper feelings about his dislike of Scorpus and how the "bad decision-making" didn't surprise him. Plus, Nira was also a soldier, just like Scorpus and Zoltar, so Hisster would defend her oath, her accepting her fate, her understanding the position she was in and the sacrifice she was willing to make. I mean, there are different directions you can take here with Hisster, but I do think a moment would do well here.

A good transition into the next part, though. This moved along really well, and we got a good grasp on Zoltar's emotions after everything that happened. I also loathe the Wisp Talons, so that worked super effectively as well. XD

I SHALL RETURN FOR MORE!

Thank you so much for another review. Glad you thought the movement of emotions was smooth. I do agree that Hisster could spend a bit more time on Nira and Scorpus. I'll have to put that in the next draft. :D

P.S That line about Nira, Scorpus and Zoltar being the strongest Shadow Talons was referring to the fact that they're the only soldiers left and that the other Shadow Talons havn't been eating as well as them. Maybe I should rephrase it to imply that the other Shadow Talons and that they were the only ones in the condition to fight. :D

Ohhh that would make sense. I'm not sure why that didn't occur to me. They're the only soldiers left, derp!

Yeah, adding that bit might actually help a lot. Gosh, you are a sharp cookie. It amazes me.

User avatar
Lib
Review
Lib wrote a review Review · May 26, 2019

Hey felistia!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, obviously depending on what side of the world you're on. I'm here to give you a... Yep, you guessed it! A review! But before I start, lemme just say that there migjt be a few silly mistakes like spelling errors and such in my review, mostly because I'm on the phone. Anyhoo, onto the review.

I liked this chapter. It was very nice and descriptive as usual. I had the same interest I had from the beginning of this series. Its honestly going so well and it's jam packed with adventure, mystery, amazingness and dragons. I'm loving this way too much, feli! (Hey, that should be your nickname! feli! Yeah... Thats nice.) Well, lookie here now, I did see a few things that I'd lile to point out. Lets start from... Here! Perfect spot.

A gently breeze brushed his wing tips, carrying the earthy scent of the forest mingled with the salt of the sea skyward.


How about if we said A gentle breeze instead of A gently breeze? How do you think that sounds? I think that sounds good. :D

“They didn’t make it,” he said is a cold voice.


I'm pretty sure you meant in instead of is.

He was luck that the Wisp Talons killed him, because if he’d escaped and Nira hadn’t, Zoltar would have killed him himself.


Maybe the bold word would do better with a y at the end, what do you think?

“Let’s do it then,” Zoltar hissed


Punctuation needed here! At the end kf every sentence that you write or type in your entire life, don't forget to add a punctuation mark at the end. In this case, a period would do good. ;) Well thats it now. Hope this helped and I'd love to see more! When you do post more, don't forget to tag me, my friend. Also, before I forget, if you found that anything I said was rude, forgive me for my stupidity. That's it for now.

Happy Review Day!

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500

Thank you so much for the review. :D

Lib replied · May 26, 2019

No problem!

User avatar
TropicalRain
Review
TropicalRain wrote a review Review · May 23, 2019

Hello, it's me again with a review for you yet again. :D

I did see two very small things that could be fixed, but if you don't agree with me then don't worry about it.
So here it is.

It was obvious now that there was no chance of a peace agreement or sharing the island.

In this sentence I feel like there should be a comma between agreement, and or. I think it will sound a little better.

Here is the last one.
“Let’s do it then,” Zoltar hissed

I think it was just a silly mistake, but you forgot to but a full stop at the end of hissed.

Well that was all I could see in this chapter. Why well I will explain.

I really love how you start out this chapter, the description of how the day is starting with the weather, was just perfect. Everything just seemed to fit how Zoltar was feeling.
I just love how you went from Zoltar being very sad mourning his wife's death was really good, and to slow turn to him wanting to get rid of the Wisp Talons. Then the way he pushed his emotions down when he was talking to Hisster was really well done, that is something I don't normally see in stories.
I like the way you are slowly bringing Hisster's character in, I'm beginning to like him. I can tell there is so much more about him, and I can't wait to see what I will find out.

I was a little sad this chapter was so short, but I'm glad you stopped when you did. I think if you kept on going it wouldn't leave the affect you wanted to leave. So you did really well. I hope you will write more soon, I can't wait to read the next chapter.

TropicalRain.

Thank you so much for the review. :D

Your welcome! :D



Kindness is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
— Mark Twain