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The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter Two

by felistia


Zoltar rushed home towards the Shadow Lands, the wind from his wings churning the ocean as he soared low over the dark waters. Mount Mokewtu loomed in front of him, its peak a blazing fury of scarlet and gold fire. Black clouds of chest burning ash spewed from the volcano’s gaping mouth.

Zoltar’s heart was racing a millions wing beats an hour. Maybe this was the one. Maybe they’d finally be able to get away from this hell on earth. This island was perfect, green and full of life. It was almost the same as the Shadow Lands had once been.

He couldn’t wait to tell Nira. She’d be so happy.

As if in agreement, the volcano rumbled and belched out more streams of molten rock. The rivers of glowing crimson lava twisted over the bleak landscape like snakes on their way to the sea. Caves potted the matted black hills of rock. Ash and sulfur clouded the scorching air.

The foul gasses raked Zoltar's chest with toxic claws, causing him to cough and gasp. They couldn’t last much longer in this desolate waste land. There wasn’t enough food and the toxic gasses the volcano continually spewed was enough to make any dragon feel half dead.

Zoltar carefully landed on a slab of solid rock next to one of the numerous caverns carved out of the landscape. There was not another Shadow Talon in sight as the evening's grip tightened over the desolate plain.

It was never a good idea to stay out after sundown on these magma strewn rocks. Packs of ravenous Flytang raptors hunted by the light of the lava flows and would take down anything they could find; big or small.

He glanced around him. Off in the distance he could see a pair of Shyfu, their long serpent like figures coated in a fresh coat of glowing orange lava. Their mottled black scales matched the chunks of cooled lava strewn across the landscape as they slid along old lava flows.

Zoltar hissed quietly. The beasts had skulked out of the volcano soon after the eruption, laying waste to the wildlife left from the explosion. As if sensing his stare the Shyfu turned their gaze and fixed him with their pitch black eyes, hissing in their shrill voices. Shivering, Zoltar ducked inside the cave. He didn’t want to run into one of those things up close.

Glowing fire rocks lit up the tunnel, their red light flickering in the murky darkness. Stale air clouded the passages. The floor felt rough under Zoltar’s scaly paws unlike the soft, green grass he longed for. The Shadow Talons had been forced to go underground after the volcano’s eruption as the air had become too blisteringly hot and would kill a dragon in hours. In these endless caverns the air was unpleasantly warm, but not fatal.

As Zoltar voyaged deeper underground, he passed passageways that snaked off in many different directions. All was quiet in the corridor apart from the clacking of his claws on the rock. The Shadow Talons had never recovered from the eruption and so many of the tunnels and rooms Zoltar passed were empty. The air felt hauntingly still like the souls of those who were lost were still wandering the tunnels as silent ghosts. The few dragons remaining had moved as far away from the volcano as possible to reduce the risk of another disaster. Though there was still the looming possibility that the volcano would belch out another massive eruption and take the rest of the Shadow Talons lives with it.

Zoltar pushed down on the emotions threatening to break forth. Even after all these years, the memories of his brother’s death was still fresh as the day it had happened.

He gritted his teeth. No matter how many times he played the scene in his head, no matter how many times he wished he’d done something different, it was over. It was in the past. He couldn’t help them now. He had to focus on the present and ones still with him.

He passed another cavern, but unlike the others, this one had a Shadow Talon inside. She was curled up around a pile of mouse fur and clumps of fresh dirt. There was a single black egg nestled in the nest. It looked almost ready to hatch.

Zoltar realized with a stab of worry that there was no father in sight. This probably meant he'd been killed on one of the expeditions for new land.

The female guarding the nest was in a sorry state herself and was heavily emaciated. Zoltar felt a wave of guilt pass over him. He'd been able to get a decent amount of food for him and his family since he was able to venture out of the Shadow Lands on missions.

Reaching into the pouch around his neck he brought out one of the fruits he’d gathered from outside the Shadow Lands. They were supposed to be his and his family’s rations until he had another mission, but he’d brought more than enough and the Shadow Talon and her dragonet needed it more than him. Nira did the same often when she got back from quests for new land. She’d understand why there was a little less food for them.

He gently placed the bright green melon beside the egg. There was no need to wake the sleeping mother. She’d find it when she woke.

He looked back at the egg by its mother’s side. There was little chance of the dragonet inside surviving with its mother in such poor condition. It had become a sad, but familiar sight since the eruption.

Sighing, Zoltar moved on.

Zoltar reached the end of the tunnel, which finished in a large room lit by many scarlet fire stones. In the middle of the room Hisster was seated on a beautiful gold throne. His violet, curved horns glinted like polished glass and his poisonous barbed tail rested like a waiting snake next to his throne. He narrowed his cat like eyes as Zoltar walked into the room. Zoltar spread his wings elegantly and bowed, waiting for Hisster’s commands, just as Scorpus had taught him.

"What news do you bring?" the chief asked in a deep rumbling voice, staring at Zoltar with his glowing eyes, “Did you find an island?”

“Yes sir,” Zoltar said, getting to his paws, “A few miles off the Moon Talons north coast. It’s quite a large island, well forested so there will be plenty of food. There’s a fresh water lake for drinking water and there’s a maze of misty pillars ringing the island. It’s low enough for the Wind Talons to fly over it, but it makes for a great defence against low flying dragons like the Sea Talons as it’s not the easiest to navigate. I didn’t fly low or land, but from the air there doesn’t seem to be any sign of a native tribe. I thought I’d wait for additional instructions before investigating further.”

“Splendid,” Hisster growled, showing his sparkling white fangs, “If I remember right that island belonged to the Wisp Talon tribe. They used to trade with us once a long time ago. Then one day they seemed to simply disappear. Haven’t seen them since. Ha I’m sure they’re still on that island though.”

“But Sir, there were no signs of any tribes when I flew over. The whole island seemed…abandoned.”

“Yes, so you said. However there is a possibility of the Wisp Talons still being there. There’s been no major disaster on the island so I doubt that they’d no longer live there and they are of course part of the chameleon class of dragons. They could have been camouflaged as you flew past.”

“You do make a point Sir. What do you wish to do?” Zoltar said, a little worried.

“Before going any further I think a search party should go to the island, scope it out and see if the Wisp Talons do live there still. If they don’t well we can move over there right away. However if they are still there we’ll have to take... a more drastic approach to the matter,” Hisster said, his tail flicking back and forth.

“Very good Sir. Should I inform the others?” Zoltar asked.

“There’ll be no need. I’ll tell them myself when they report back. Nira and Scorpus should be back in the next day or so. In the meantime, gather your things and be ready to move.”

Zoltar nodded and turned to leave. The thud of his paws hitting the dry earth rang in his ears as he walked through the tunnels on his way home.

A barrage thoughts clouded his head. What if this was it and they could finally leave this forsaken place? They could rebuild. Have a home again. He’d be able to see his fellow dragons happy again. He and Nira could live in comfort and maybe even start a family. They’d talked about it before, but had both agreed that they’d hold off until they’d found a new home.

But on the other paw the Wisp Talons could still be on the island. They couldn’t just move in then and surely Hisster wasn’t planning on going to war with another tribe. They didn’t have enough soldiers to go to war with Scorpus, Nira and him being the only ones left. They’d lose before they’d even started. And besides it wasn’t right. They couldn’t just take another tribe’s home away from them.

Maybe they’d be able to work out a peace agreement? The island looked large enough to support two tribes especially being that the Shadow Talons numbers were so small. Maybe that’s what Hisster planned to do.

Zoltar rolled his eyes. Who was he kidding?

“Zoltar.”

Zoltar was jerked from his thoughts as Nira came rushing down the tunnel towards him. A surge of relief filled Zoltar when he saw her. She was alive. Many of the soldiers didn’t return from scout missions and Zoltar was always worried Nira would someday never return. Pushing his worries aside, Zoltar embraced his wife, wrapping his pitch black wings around her. Warmth filled him from his snout to the tip of his tail.

“Are you okay?” Zoltar asked, a little worried as he surveyed a slash on the base of Nira’s tail. It looked red and inflamed.

“Oh I’m fine,” Nira said, rubbing the back of her neck, “I just ran into some Coo Chie. Man, they don’t like it when someone tries to steal their eggs.”

Zoltar rolled his eyes, “Well you’d be angry if someone tried to steal your egg. I would.”

“I know, I know. It was a stupid idea,” Nira admitted, “I was hungry and wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Mmm hmm,” Zoltar arched his eye crests, “Honestly, one of these days you’re going to get into more trouble than you bargained for.”

Nira grinned sheepishly.

“Do you need to report to Hisster?” Zoltar asked, changed the subject.

“Yah,” Nira said, sighing, “I didn’t find any islands though, so it’s just going to be a check in to let him know I’m back.”

“Oh I’m sure it’ll be more than a check in.” Zoltar winked, before starting back up the passage, “I’ll have some herbs ready for you when you get back. Don’t want that gash getting infected.”

Nira gave him a funny look, but didn’t ask any questions as she carried on her way.

As soon as she was behind him, Zoltar’s worries started boil to the surface once more.

Would Scorpus return from his scout mission? Had he fallen victim to the dangers outside the Shadow Lands as the other soldiers had? He was a day late and it wasn’t like him to be gone for so long. If he didn’t return only Zoltar and Nira would be left to defend the tribe. For all he knew this scouting mission could be dangerous and could require more than two dragons. At least Nira would be there to hold his back.

Zoltar turned down one of the more narrow passages as he headed to his quarters. A dim fire rock lit the small room, the weak light just enough to make out the outline of objects in the room.

Zoltar walked to the other side of the room and placed the few fruit, leaves and small animals he’d gathered on a shelf carved from the cave wall. Remembering Nira he took down a few glass bowls filled with assorted herbs. Grinding the herbs with a little ash and salt he made a paste. He’d almost finish crushing the herbs when Nira walked in.

“Hey, I’m just about done,” Zoltar smiled and poured the paste he’d made into a banana leaf. Tenderly he applied the leaf to Nira’s gash. She gritted her teeth as he gently tied a few vines around her tail to secure the leaf.

“It should be better by the morning,” Zoltar said as he knotted the last vine, “You should rest.”

“Thank you,” Nira said. She yawned a she moved over to a bundle of furs. Gingerly she lay down, careful to place her tail away from her. She half closed her eyes as she rested her head over her paws.

“Hisster told me everything,” she murmured, “Not sure whether I should be happy or nervous. It would be great if the island is empty. Then it’s as good as ours and we can leave this…place, but what it that tribe still lives there? It’s not like they’ll just let us onto their island.” She paused and sucked in a deep breathe, “I think Hisster plans to go to war with them.”

“I know I was thinking the same thing after I talked with him. I don’t know how he would pull it off though with there only being the three of us now. That’s hardly enough to go to war.”

“Yah. Maybe I’m worrying about nothing. Maybe the island is empty and we’ll have been worrying for nothing. For all we know, a new life could be just around the corner for us.”

“I guess,” Zoltar said as he curled up next to Nira and placed his wing over hers.

She let out another long yawn and closed her eyes, “We’ll just have to see what happens.”

Zoltar closed his eyes too, waiting for the relief of sleep to come. He needed to be ready for anything tomorrow. Scorpus might not return and who knew what could be waiting for him on that island?

Chapter 3: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/felistia/The-Quest-for-Fire--Into-the-Mists--Chapter-Three-144540


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Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:19 pm
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Poetry wrote a review...



Again this was great so many lines were just eye caching and strong.

He gently placed the bright green melon beside the egg. There was no need to wake the sleeping mother. She’d find it when she woke.

I just thought this bit was so sweet, I really liked this bit, so heart felt and kind.

He couldn’t help them now. He had to focus on the present and ones still with him.
this is just really sad, you no you mad me shed one tear in the last chapter and now you mad me shed four, it is really sad. you are really good at making the readers feel for the characters.


anyways this was another great chapter, and now so on to the next. I am really like your chapters never stop writing felistia. :D




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Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:26 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



HELLO AGAIN! :D

So I've already read through the chapter now, and I absolutely love so much about this. This review might be more just gushing and less constructive.

Though, I do want to point out before I forget that this makes Chapter One feel more like a prologue, considering the time jump. I spent several paragraphs confused as to how this lined up and thinking it was post-evacuation, but I wasn't sure until it obviously said that it was. So I think it might be safe to consider Chapter One a prologue, but food for thought!

Gosh, I just love your description. You are so good at description.

I even love that the volcano is, like, still erupting. Eruptions can last years, right? I think that's accurate science which is pretty cool.

I love how his relationship with Nira is already addressed. I actually really, really love what you did with these characters. In the previous chapter, it was more of like a guy and girl crushing on each other, or like just knowing these two were gonna be together because of how they look at each other. You could just see the spark. Now, years later, they're together. And it's just a perfect answer to that. The romantic in me is sad to not watch that develop, but on the flip side, I get to see their happiness and how their relationship has developed over time and where it might go. It's just a new angle of a romantic relationship to explore! So basically, I love it.

I like that you throw in his memory of his brother's death (as well as the family I assume) as that is so gut-wrenching after having just seen it happen last chapter. OOF.

Goodness, I wonder why it takes years to discover a new island. How far away is Zoltar's island with the Wisp Talon tribe? Would they not have discovered it sooner?

And omg there's no way Hisster would have them go to war with only THREE soldiers. I mean, it sounds like they have several other dragons doing missions and things, so they could potentially train up a few more troops (there's probably a bunch of brave dragons volunteering to help with missions and defense and gathering and all that, kinda like a leatherworker now has to farm the land though he knows nothing about the trade), but it sounds like they're officially a dying tribe. They can't war with anyone right now. Please, Hisster, don't do it. ;.;

Though I guess it would help to know exactly how large of a population they are now to help reason his decision-making.

Omg wait did they eat their rations or is today a fasting day? D:

I really love just how comfortable and loving Zoltar and Nira are. I think it's beautiful, it's simple, it's not overly romantic and distracting from the plot itself. It's just the right amount and I just want to hug them. I love them.

Can't wait for the next chapter!!

Jabber, the One and Only!




felistia says...


Thank you so much for another review. Glad you liked the chapter. :D



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Sat Jun 01, 2019 5:28 am
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ShadowVyper wrote a review...



Hey felistia,

Shady back with another review for your fine novel! Looking forward to see where you take things after that ending you left off on last time!

chest burning ash


I'm not sure what you mean by this? I was very confused at first and after I read it several times I think you might mean the ash makes your lungs burn -- but if that's what you're going for then I'd definitely recommend rephrasing because it's not super clear right now what you're referring to.

The foul gasses raked Zoltar's chest with toxic claws,


Be careful about over-doing it with the dragon-esque descriptions. The heart racing with a million wing beats was okay but using "claws" and such as imagery can be difficult to tell what's real vs what's hyperbole since you're dealing with dragons that do have real claws.

Packs of ravenous Flytang raptors hunted by the light of the lava flows and would take down anything they could find; big or small.

He glanced around him. Off in the distance he could see a pair of Shyfu, their long serpent like figures coated in a fresh coat of glowing orange lava.


I'd like a bit more explanation of Shyfu and Flytang. You went on to describe the Shyfu pretty well, but I am still really confused about their significance? They came out of the volcano? How and why? And then I really don't know what role the Flytang play at all. You kind of toss that term at us and then leave us with nothing to do with it. I'd definitely like to see both of these things explored a bit more in-depth.

I'd also like to know a bit more why they're so threatening. In most stories I've read dragons are like... the feared of the feared lol. I'd like to know why they're so wary of these other creatures and get a bit of an idea of sizes and fighting ability of both dragons and the new creatures.

In these endless caverns the air was unpleasantly warm, but not fatal.


I really like this! It's a little detail but it's a wonderful little bit of description that really helped send home this unpleasant situation your character found himself in. Great job here <3

The Shadow Talons had never recovered from the eruption


I'd like to have some concept of how much time has passed.

Even after all these years, the memories of his brother’s death was still fresh as the day it had happened.


Ohh it's been years... then why is the volcano still described as being active with the lava? Pretty sure it should have dried up by now if it's been many years since that initial eruption. Volcanoes don't just perpetually ooze lava after the erupt.

It looked almost ready to hatch.


Here's a perfect example of telling rather than showing. What do you mean it looked almost ready to hatch? What does that look like? Does it have glowing cracks forming on the surface? Has it turned completely transparent so you can see the embryo developed inside? Etc. You get my point? I have no mental image for what this looks so I'm not as immersed in your story as I could be.

Zoltar realized with a stab of worry that there was no father in sight. This probably meant he'd been killed on one of the expeditions for new land.


Why is that what this probably means? Couldn't the father simply be out of the cave just then? It sounds like some of the other dragons also haven't returned from their expeditions. Why does he assume that the father is dead rather than simply out?

Pushing his worries aside, Zoltar embraced his wife, wrapping his pitch black wings around her.


Wait.... wat? I thought in the first chapter Zoltar was talking about not wanting to get married? Isn't that what his brother was teasing him about? How in the world did this happen?

“Oh I’m sure it’ll be more than a check in.” Zoltar winked,


I'm really not sure what he means by this? If they weren't married I'd think Zoltar is teasing her that she's got a thing for Hisster and they were going to flirt... but I'm assuming that's not what's happening since this is his wife? So I really don't know what he's implying here.

Remembering Nira he took down a few glass bowls filled with assorted herbs. Grinding the herbs with a little ash and salt he made a paste.


This is something that's been bothering me for a little while. How in the world is a dragon managing to use glass bowls and grind herbs and such? It's not like dragons have opposable thumbs in order to have the dexterity to grab and manipulate items. I'd definitely very much like more description about the anatomy of dragons to be able to understand how they're doing all of these things.

~ ~ ~

I liked this chapter as well!

As I mentioned, I'm very confused about relationships in this chapter, especially with Zoltar and Nira. I'm not sure how long they've been married or what events lead up to that happening. I'm also not sure why Hissitar would be the one to tell Nira all that news instead of her own husband?

I'd definitely recommend exploring your character relationships a bit more and slowing things down a bit so it makes more sense. I'm not sure who that random dragon with the egg was at the beginning. It sounded in chapter one like there was only a handful of dragons after the volcano erupted -- now it sounds like there were more dragons left but a lot of them have died off. But if there's only a few then why doesn't Zoltar recognize the dragon and egg and know for sure whether or not her husband was dead right away? I mean it's not like a huge city at that point, you'd think everyone would know everyone.

I do like that we got a little bit of a breather in this chapter after the drama of the first chapter. We get an intrigue to explore in the next chapter with that potential island -- and we get a little more into the relationships of Zoltar and Nira. I think my biggest recommendation for this chapter is strengthening relationships and characterization. But I do like where you're taking things and I'm excited to read more!

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)




felistia says...


Thanks again for another in depth review. So many thoughts going through my head now. It's great to see the story through someone else's eyes. Gives a whole new perspective on things and helps me write better.

Thanks again. :D



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Wed May 29, 2019 11:08 am
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Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Hey there! Time for my second chapter review!

My first impression was that this took place immediately after the volcano erupted in Chapter 1, but it seemed as I read through it that more time had actually passed. Is there some way you could make it show more how much time has passed? Days? Weeks? Months? What happened between the eruption and looking for the new home? How did they decide that they couldn't stay? A volcanic eruption like that is devastating, but could they not find seafood to eat until it passed and life regrew on the island? Also, did they try to find survivors? How bad was the damage in the village that the caves were lost? Lava moves very slowly, especially lava from an eruption such as you described, and a pyroclastic flow tends to skim over the surface, riding on the air it heats beneath it, so the dragons in the caves could have survived and only had to dig/be dug out. Or did I misunderstand about them being in caves? Also, eruptions on these scales are very rare, so the dragons would most likely be safe for centuries, if not thousands of years more. Since these types of volcanoes typically erupt along an arc of islands, it's possible the island that Zoltar finds is actually another volcano that could erupt someday (think of Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Rainier, Mt. Hood, Mt Washington, etc., all in that line). Sorry, I'm probably over-analyzing but hopefully that helps with the realism.

Another big thing I would have loved to have seen develop is the relationship between Zoltar and Nira. Chapter 1 gave the impression that they each thought the other was a cute friend. Chapter 2 has them married and/or living together??? That's a huge jump and I really think we need to see how that relationship develops. Otherwise it just isn't as believable. Is there some way to go back and create a chapter 1.2 or something so that we can see that relationship develop? This is so far the biggest issue in character I'm finding, how Zoltar and Nira go from smiling behind other dragons' backs to full out being married. Also, what does a dragon wedding ceremony look like?

The other major plot point I noticed is Hisster. Is he actually reckless enough to send three dragons into a war with an entire tribe of dragons, who happen to be able to camouflage themselves as well as chameleons, on the tribe's home turf? I can tell he's not a strategic (king? ruler? general?), or he would capitalize on the former trade relationship and try to send them with some kind of goods to try to see if there was anyone still there. But also, if he knew about the island, why didn't he either find out what happened to the tribe and if they were still there right away or tell the dragons to stay away from it, rather than waste resources reinventing the wheel, so to speak. Hisster doesn't seem like the sharpest blade in the drawer, if you ask me.

I can tell that this story has a definite plot and direction and endgoal in mind, and I think that's fantastic. I think you know what the characters are going to be, and the trick is getting the readers into the same mindset as you.

This was really a great chapter. I'm enjoying it and looking forward to reading more. Keep up the good work!

Happy Writing!

Toboldlygo




felistia says...


Thank you so much for the review. I agree with everything you've said. I'll have to change these things in the next draft after I've finished this one.



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Wed May 22, 2019 5:07 pm
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Butterfly7 wrote a review...



Hello again dear friend!

I'm here again to give you a review just like you requested. :) Before we start, lemme just say that you have me hooked and that I am definitely looking forward to finishing the entire series! Again, the detail was great as usual. And like last time, I only have one thing to point out.

"There’s been no major disaster on the island so I doubt that they’d no longer live there and they are of coarse part of the chameleon class of dragons."

You see the word "coarse" here? I'm pretty sure you meant to write "course" instead. Just a minor spelling mistake. That's it, I'm pretty sure. I havenothing else to point out, because it's perfect, if you ask me!

---Butterfly---




felistia says...


Thank you for another review. :D



Butterfly7 says...


No problem!



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Wed May 22, 2019 3:48 pm
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Liberty500 wrote a review...



Hi again!

I'm here to review this lovely chapter of yours. Let's get right into it now, shall we? Alright, so as usual, you had that beautiful description in every part of your chapter so great job! I wanted to talk to you about something; commas. You have a slight issue with 'em. You don't really put a lot of commas in your sentences. How about I give you an example? That'd be nice. I'll write it here without the commas:

Alright so if you were to read this I mean the sentence you're reading right now without commas how would it sound?


So now with the commas:

Alright, so if you were to read this, I mean the sentence you're reading right now, without commas, how would it sound?


It sounds funny, doesn't it? Well that's kinda the problem you're having. You may wanna go through your story so far, before you have too many chapters, and edit the comma stuff. Alright, now there were other thing that I'd like to point out.

There’s been no major disaster on the island so I doubt that they’d no longer live there and they are of coarse part of the chameleon class of dragons.


There is an incorrect spelling here. The bold word is meant to be course, instead. On wards:

What if this was it and they could finally leave this forsaken place.


Since, this is a question, you need a question mark there instead. Next:

The island look large enough to support two tribes especially being that the Shadow Talons numbers were so small.


You need a tense for look. Since you have past tense in your entire story, you should turn that bit into looked, instead.

Gingerly she lay down, carful to place her tail away from her.


Another spelling mistake, but I'm sure it was just a typo. The bold word is supposed to be careful, with an e. You just forgot the e. Last one:

Scorpus might not return and who knew what could be waiting for him on that island.


Again, since this is a question, you will need a question mark at the end instead. Alright, so that's it for my chattery mouth. Hope this helped, and if you foud anything rude just ignore this entire thing. :) I'm off to read the next one!!

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




felistia says...


Thank you so much. I'll go and edit as soon as I can. :D



Liberty500 says...


Your welcome.



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Tue May 21, 2019 10:55 am
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IceOfDawn says...



GREAT CHAPTER LOOK FORWARD TO THE NEXT. :D




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TropicalRain says...



Yet another amazing chapter! You have me hooked.




felistia says...


Thank you. I've just posted another two chapters. :D



TropicalRain says...


I saw chapter three, but I will go look at chapter four right away!




Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill.
— Danish proverb