Published June 18, 2019
A cold chill came over Zoltar as he lay there, weighed down by the dragon on top of him. A Wisp Talon. What was he going to do?
“Who are you and what are you doing here?” the dragoness hissed, shoving him deeper into the leaf litter.
Zoltar growled, wriggling to get his tail barb loose. If he could just get it free he could strike the Wisp Talon and get away. He might even be able to get a scale.
“Oh, I know about your barb Shadow Talon, but I’ve got something much nastier. One false move and I’ll send my fangs straight through your neck. You’ll be dead in minutes,” she leaned in close to his ear, snarling, “So don’t try anything.”
Zoltar’s heart nearly stopped. It couldn’t end this way. He stopped struggling and went still, hoping he could catch the Wisp Talon off guard.
Time seemed to stop as the two sat poised, each waiting for the other to make a wrong move. The eerie hoots and whistles of the forest echoed around them as the seconds passed by.
Thoughts whirled around Zoltar’s head as he lay there, waiting. Why hadn’t she killed him yet? The other Wisp Talons had attacked and killed without question. What was different here? Maybe she wasn’t fully trained or wasn’t old enough to be a killer like the others? Maybe he still had a chance if he talked to her?
Anger and fear boiled with in him. This was the creature that took his wife from him and she’d just threatened to kill him. How could he reason with it?
Zoltar huffed. He was on his stomach, his only defence pinned beneath him. He didn’t have a lot of options.If talking to a Wisp Talon was the only thing that could possible get him out of this then, humiliating or not, he had to try. She’d hadn’t killed him yet after all. Maybe she was scared or maybe she wasn’t as bent on killing him as the other Wisp Talons he’d seen were? Zoltar knew that he was grasping at straws, but he had to try.
“Why are you doing this?” Zoltar finally asked after he could take the silence no more. He felt the Wisp Talon tighten her grip.
“It’s the law to keep outsiders off the island,” The Wisp Talon said stiffly, “You take our food, threaten our village and disturb the…”
She trailed off, sighing.
Zoltar felt a slight glimmer of hope. Maybe it was the way she’d said it or maybe it was just the fact that she hadn’t finished the sentence. He was sure there was something more behind what she was saying.
Disturb what? Who was taking their food or threatening their village?
He found his thoughts flash back to Felistia and Shiraku. Surely they couldn’t be what she was talking about? They were only two dragons after all.
Although Felistia had said something about her coming down to the beach each day. If Shiraku was the only one besides him that had come to the island she wouldn’t make such regular trips to the beach. That meant that there must be more outlaws coming to the island than he’d first thought.
But what had happened to all of them? Had the Wisp Talons killed all of them? If so why? Had the outlaws been violent towards the Wisp Talons? What did Felistia and Shiraku have to do in all of this?
Thoughts raged through Zoltar’s head like an out of control storm as he lay there. This was more complicated than he’d first thought.
A prick of pain shot through his neck and he was brought back to the current situation. He was still on the ground with a hostile dragons claws around his throat. He needed to get out of this first and then work though this whole mess.
Maybe if he propped the Wisp Talon more? She didn’t seem to be fully on board with her tribe’s law. Maybe he could use that to his advantage.
“But why have a law like that? Surly it would be beneficial to trade and communicate with the outside world?”
“I didn’t make the law,” the Wisp Talon said, exhaling a long breath. Zoltar felt her claws loosen a bit.
“So you don’t agree with the law?” Zoltar knew he was taking a chance, but it seemed to be working so far.
“It wasn’t always like this,” she said with an edge of longing in her voice, “I can’t….” She went quiet.
Without warning, Zoltar felt her claws release as her weight lifted from him.
Almost too surprised to move, Zoltar cautiously got to his feet and looked around. She’d disappeared. The forest was just as it had been before he’d been attacked. The light song of a robin was playing overhead, carried by the soft wind blowing through the canopy. There was not a trace to show that she’d been there.
After a few moments of staring out into the gloom of the forest, Zoltar decided that she was gone, swallowed back into the depths of the woods. Still a little perplexed as to what had happened, he decided to move on. No reason to stay here and get ambushed again. Next time he might not be so lucky.
He was just starting to walk back the way he’d come when a slight rustle overhead caught his attention.
He looked up.
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140,106 Literary Works • 673,013 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whatever it is in your part of the world),
Review #12 for the day.
First Impression: Introduces some interesting new elements. This plot is getting some serious twists.
I love this little bit of tension as the opponents seize each other up. It makes it very realistic.
This is a beautiful segment right there. Showcases his thought process very nicely.
Interesting development.
Another slight possible hole: She mentions keeping visitors off the island so you'd expect patrols all around it. But we've only encountered Wisp Talon's in the forest. The beach seems to be totally unguarded because a lot of things have happened there without any Wisp Talon making an appearance. Is there a reason they do not go near the beach?
From what we've seen none of the dragon tribes are actively trading so this seems a little bit of an unusual suggestion.
When did this Wisp Talon attend ninja training? How does she just vanish? Do they have some ability (like that camouflage thing you mentioned earlier) that allows her to do this?
Here we go again! Another cliffhanger.
And that's it for this review.
Overall: Another well written chapter with great descriptions. (I think this is just a fact by now and doesn't need to be mentioned). So a couple of things I noticed but the plot is overall just getting better and better. This is going to feel so amazing when all of this stuff pays off at the end.
Okay, I'll try to get to one more chapter at least before the day is out. As always Take what you think helps and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you again. I'm glad you like the plot so far. As for the 'plot hole' there's a reason you don't see Wisp Talons near the beach. You'll learn that by the end of this book.
Your Welcome! Well that should explain that.
Ah! So it was a wisp talon who pounced on Zoltar.
Here's my review:
Well, the cliffhanger in the last chapter was satisfied, but then YOU ENDED IT WITH ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER!!! WHY TORTURE US LIKE THIS??? It's actually a good way to keep people reading, though. I'm just mad because I have to write a review before I can read the next chapter. Also, interesting... The wisp talons are being robbed? Very interesting. I wonder who's doing it. Felistia and Shiraku are suspects though. I really hope it's not them. Anyway, your descriptions were nice like usual, and though you could use some more, you don't actually have to. A lot of stories get by with minimal description, but since you're so good at writing them I wouldn't hold myself back if I were you. You can always remove them if it's too much. It it's too little, however, you can't just press a button and fix the problem like you can do if it's too much. Anyway, your grammar was mostly good again. If you are inconsistent with one thing it is how good your grammar is. Some chapters it's excellent, and then some chapters are riddled with typos. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this chapter, so that's always good.
Well, that's my review! I hope it was helpful.
Thank you for the review. You don't have to review every single chapter if there's nothing you can see to fix. Just a quick comment will do.
Good morning!
So I have to say, while Zoltar here is pinned down and Lady Wisp Talon is stalling for time or something, I just love that you put so much thought into your dragon races here. You gave them all distinct abilities, strengths, weaknesses, and features that not only sets them apart from the rest but makes situations like this so very interesting. Zoltar is outside, midday, with his tail pinned down: He has very few, if any, options right now because that's the design of the Shadow Talons. It's so cool.
SHE'S GONE.
That was so sudden. BUT SO INTRIGUING. So here is a Wisp Talon, who is out in the morning for some reason (probably patrol or something), and finds Zoltar. Someone's been stealing their food, inviting themselves onto their island, and perhaps it's a common destination for potential outlaws. So no wonder Wisp Talons would have to put on a patrol, and no wonder there are rumors going around about the nastiness of Wisp Talons as a result.
But THIS Wisp Talon is practically a traitor allowing Zoltar to live. I wonder why she couldn't make the kill?! I wonder why she hesitated for so long, yet threatened his life so much. I didn't really see her struggle much, but I guess Zoltar didn't either. He was wondering the exact same thing as he was being pinned to the ground. She was clearly fighting something. She won, she's gone and he's alive, but this could also be bad for her. She might be on the run after her leader hears she let an intruder go.
OMG BUT HE COULD RUN INTO ANOTHER WISP TALON.
I wonder if Feslistia or Shiraku ran into situations like this and how they escaped. They probably learned by now how to get around the island, but they surely made the same mistakes when they first got here. Can't wait to here them tell him off.
ANOTHER CLIFFHANGAR. Someone else is spying on him now?! Okay, this HAS to be Feslistia or Shiraku. This is where they're gonna tell him off, for sure. Well, they'll help him get away first. AND THEN TELL HIM OFF.
Okay, this is fun.
Hiya feli!
Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review! Let's get right into it now, shall we?
Starting from the top.
Over here, for the bolded word, it should be dragoness. You write dragoness in the second paragraph but not the first.
You just need a comma after barb.
Okay, so you say lay, then sat, then lay? Zoltar's position should be consistent.
Lovely sentence, but with in has to be one word.
This sentence makes it seem that this specific dragoness was the one who killed Nira. Rather than, another dragon of their species killing her.
Space after the period!
Comma after Although. Also, it'd be nice to have had italicized for emphasis and the sentence would sound better.
Dragoness.
Just a spelling mistake. Surly --> Surely
Even though your story isn't told in first person, Zoltar's thoughts are shared with the reader. It'd be better, if you italicized them and made them as thoughts.
That's it for my review! Hope this helped in one way or the other. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
I really liked this chapter, all though it was also really scary to read. I was shiffering when I read, just thinking of what mite happen to Zoltar next. What if he makes the wrong move and his dead.
okay so one weird thing here that I don't think is right. Is that this dragon is not a male it is a female. So females are not as strong as males and the female is pining a male witch seams a bit out. For Zoltar is a really strong dragon, and it does not seem likely of a female pinning him down like that.This is just a slight thing that you can just pas over. But I just don't think that Zoltar could have been pined so easily like that by a female. i mean they are both really strong dragons, but Zoltar is a male and a male is suppose to be stronger then a female
anyways that was all the problems I had with this chapter the rest was out standing and great I loved it. And now I am fully court up I would love for you to tell me when the next chapter is out so that I can read it all.
I really hope you have a great Day or Night felistia. I hope to see more of your work. post the next chapter soon, I love it. And I don't really like story's that much but I liked this one. also I am wondering if you post poetry I do like poetry most?
Thank you for all the reviews.
As for you question in this it is a good point about how Zoltar is a male and the Wisp Talon is a female. The reason why Zoltar didn't throw her off is because she would have been able to strike him before he could throw her off so he voted to see what he could do before trying something like that.
I'll tag you for the next chapter.
Here's some of my poetry. profile/felistia/portfolio/468001
Oh that makes more sens, also I will go and check the link now.