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Young Writers Society



The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter Thirteen

by felistia


The shadows grew longer as Zoltar ran through the ever darkening woods. He had to get home before the sun set. He couldn’t be caught out after dark. Who knew what strange and terrifying creatures came out after sundown?

The sounds of the forest had warped from sweet chirps and whistles to a more threatening tune. Insects started to play their music from the leaves on the trees, their sounds traveling through the hazy air like the shaky notes from a violin. The shrill calls of the night creatures filled the air as they began to stir. Robins called from the tree tops, their songs like a band of flutes and whistles cutting through the evening air, while the black bird’s rich melodies seemed to float through the canopy.

At last the clearing yawned in front of Zoltar as he sprinted towards it. Spreading his vast wings, he lifted into the air as the sun slowly sank below the far off mountains. He set off in the direction of the Felisita’s cave.

Thoughts whirled through his head as he flew. Why had Emerald just let him go like that? At first he’d thought it was to follow him back to the cave, but he hadn’t seen her. Once he was in the air he was sure she wasn’t following. He knew her tribe was part of the chameleon class of dragons and they couldn’t camouflage properly once air born. She couldn’t possibly be following him from the ground. It was too far and he was going too fast. So what other reason was there to letting him go? He just couldn’t make sense of it.

It didn’t really matter now though. He was free with only a few scratches around his neck to show for it. It was more than he could have hoped for.

Orange flames of light licked his onyx scales as the sun’s raze lifted off the sea and shadows replaced the departing light. The forest below him was a rich amber olive in the suns dying gleam.

As Zoltar scanned the ground below the thought of what Emerald had said about Felistia and Shiraku dawned on him. What could they have possible done to make the Wisp Talons actively hunt them?

Zoltar swallowed the lump building in his throat. He could be going back to a cave occupied by two violent dragons. What if they’d just been hiding their darker side the night before? They were outcasts after all. You didn’t just get banished from your own tribe for nothing.

He found himself sighing, almost laughing at his paranoia. He was just making assumptions. Besides what good would it do Felistia or Shiraku to act nice towards him if they weren’t that way? What would they gain from it?

In any case Shiraku wasn’t doing a very good job of it if she was pretending. She’d been down right hostile towards him the night before. Felistia on the other paw had been rather nice, but it had felt so natural. He could usually sense when something was amiss and nothing had felt wrong or fake with Felistia when he’d talked to her.

Maybe it would be best if he brought it up with her tonight. Maybe getting it out in the open would help clear things up. Then again he’d have to tell her the real reason for him being here and he didn’t know her well enough to trust or even know if he could trust her with that. It could be just what they wanted him to do.

He sighed again. He could see the cave just ahead and he wasn’t getting anywhere. Maybe he should sleep on it and see what happened. It wouldn’t be good to rush this sort of thing.

The last of the suns light kissed the island as he neared the caves entrance. Trying to keep his nerves under control, Zoltar dived through the twisted green vines blocking the opening.

The caves features were a blurred grey in the dim light peaking from between the creepers behind him. He scanned the area, letting he amethyst eye beams run over the walls and boulders.

Suddenly something seized his neck and slammed him to the rock floor, making his head spin. His heart thundered in his ears as his already razor sharp nerves sent adrenalin racing through his body.

“Who are you!” the dragoness demanded, painfully digging her claws between his scales.

“Zoltar!” Zoltar growled trying to wriggle out from under the muscular dragoness clamping him to the ground.

Instantly the talons released as the dragoness leapt off Zoltar. He scrambled to his feet to face his attacker, snarling. He was surprised to find himself staring at Shiraku, the Sea Talon he’d met the day before.

“Suffering serpents, what are you doing?” Zoltar thundered, “That is the second time that’s happened to me, today!”

“Sorry,” Shiraku apologized, but quickly barked, “Well you can’t just dive in here unannounced. What did you think was going to happen Shadow Talon?”

Zoltar growled, pacing the cave floor, his tail lashing, sending small pebbles bouncing across the ground.

He was almost relived when Felistia swooped in through the vines, making them sway from side to side. She frowned when she saw Shiraku and Zoltar.

“What are you growling about now?” Felistia sighed in an exasperated way, her silver claws clacking on the hard rock as she stalked up to Shiraku.

Shiraku dramatically lit up her scales so that her scowling face shimmered in an eerie blue glow.

“He just flew in here and I attacked him and now he’s snarling at me,” Shiraku snapped, the webbed spikes on her head raised in anger.

“How was I supposed to know that there was a secret entrance code or something?” Zoltar growled sarcastically, fangs bared.

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have come barrelling in here like some crazy porcupine!” Shiraku yelled back, her ears laid back and the spine along the whole length of her back bristling.

“Enough you two!” Felistia roared, leaping between Zoltar and Shiraku. “I have had a long, tiring day and I don’t feel like dealing with you fighting!” she bellowed shooting a glare at Shiraku, who scowled.

Zoltar flatted his ears, his eyes lowered. He didn’t know what had come over him. It wasn’t like him to stoop to petty arguments like this. Maybe it was the stress of his situation or the fright from Shiraku’s attack? Whatever it was, there was no excuse for it. “Sorry Felistia,” he murmured and after a quiet grumble, “and Shiraku.”

Shiraku scowled again and trudged over to the opposite end of the cavern, laying down with her wings draped over her head. Zoltar could hear her grousing and grumbling softly to herself.

Felistia sighed and gave Zoltar an exasperated look before saying, “Never mind. We’re all under a lot of strain and this sort of thing happens. Just forget about. It doesn’t matter anyway.” Yawning, she padded off to a far corner of the cave and flopped down on the rock. She seemed to instantly fall asleep.

As time went on Shiraku’s complaining grew quiet and her scales slowly dimmed leaving the cave as dark as a Shadow Talons scales. The only light came from between the vines draped across the cave opening, the blades of silver cutting through the gloom.

Exhaustion seemed to flood over Zoltar as he lay down near the caves entrance and he was surprised at how tired he was. A lot had happened today, but somehow he felt like he’d got nowhere. He still didn’t have a scale and now the Wisp Talons knew he was on the island.

It wasn’t going that badly though. He’d only been here one day and he’d running into a Wisp Talon and had got away with all his scales intact. Things could have gone a lot worse. Still, he hoped that tomorrow would bring better results.

Zoltar yawned and closed his eyes. Almost immediately sleep swept over him, washing away the day’s aches and worries.


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Tue Jun 16, 2020 6:19 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

So penultimate review for the day I think.

First Impression: This sounds a touch like a filler. Some nice little sentiments here and there hidden quite deep but overall it felt like nothing happened in the chapter. Almost no plot development or character development.

The sounds of the forest had warped from sweet chirps and whistles to a more threatening tune. Insects started to play their music from the leaves on the trees, their sounds traveling through the hazy air like the shaky notes from a violin. The shrill calls of the night creatures filled the air as they began to stir. Robins called from the tree tops, their songs like a band of flutes and whistles cutting through the evening air, while the black bird’s rich melodies seemed to float through the canopy.


As always beautiful descriptions.

He set off in the direction of the Felisita’s cave.


That word should be chopped I think.

Thoughts whirled through his head as he flew. Why had Emerald just let him go like that? At first he’d thought it was to follow him back to the cave, but he hadn’t seen her. Once he was in the air he was sure she wasn’t following. He knew her tribe was part of the chameleon class of dragons and they couldn’t camouflage properly once air born. She couldn’t possibly be following him from the ground. It was too far and he was going too fast. So what other reason was there to letting him go? He just couldn’t make sense of it.


More subtle hints of the abilities of the Wisp Talons.

Orange flames of light licked his onyx scales as the sun’s raze lifted off the sea and shadows replaced the departing light. The forest below him was a rich amber olive in the suns dying gleam.


I don't think raze is the right word here. Raze means to destroy. So this sounds like the sun if trying to burn Zoltar and destroy him. I think you meant rays.

He found himself sighing, almost laughing at his paranoia. He was just making assumptions. Besides what good would it do Felistia or Shiraku to act nice towards him if they weren’t that way? What would they gain from it?

In any case Shiraku wasn’t doing a very good job of it if she was pretending. She’d been down right hostile towards him the night before. Felistia on the other paw had been rather nice, but it had felt so natural. He could usually sense when something was amiss and nothing had felt wrong or fake with Felistia when he’d talked to her.


This is all good but it does seem strange how much he trusts these two dragons, especially Felistia after only the one day.

Suddenly something seized his neck and slammed him to the rock floor, making his head spin. His heart thundered in his ears as his already razor sharp nerves sent adrenalin racing through his body.


For someone who is meant to be a good soldier this guy sure gets jumped a lot.

Shiraku dramatically lit up her scales so that her scowling face shimmered in an eerie blue glow.


This just made me smile. I don't know why.

Exhaustion seemed to flood over Zoltar as he lay down near the caves entrance and he was surprised at how tired he was. A lot had happened today, but somehow he felt like he’d got nowhere. He still didn’t have a scale and now the Wisp Talons knew he was on the island.

It wasn’t going that badly though. He’d only been here one day and he’d running into a Wisp Talon and had got away with all his scales intact. Things could have gone a lot worse. Still, he hoped that tomorrow would bring better results.

Zoltar yawned and closed his eyes. Almost immediately sleep swept over him, washing away the day’s aches and worries.


Nice little rest as an ending. Good changeup after all the cliffhangers.

And that's it.

Overall: Like I said earlier not much happened here but it was as usual well written and with lovely imagery. This chapter should have a bit more development I think. But still the plot appears to be going in a really good direction and you've got everything planned out by the sound of it. Let's see how this continues.

Anyway as always Take what you think helps and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




felistia says...


Thank you again for another review. This is one of those chapters that could have been added onto the end of another chapter.



KateHardy says...


Your Welcome!



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Tue May 05, 2020 10:09 pm
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Necromancer14 wrote a review...



Try, try again, Zoltar.

Here's my review:

All right, first of all, I'm seriously enjoying reading this book you have. It's just as interesting as anything you'd find at the library. That being said, you really need to look out for your typos! Besides those, though, it's great. And yes, there were typos in this chapter so I would go look for 'em and fix 'em.

I apologize for the shorter and shorter reviews. I'm just sort of running out of review steam.

Well, that's my review! I hope it was helpful.




felistia says...


No problem. I'm glad you are enjoying the story. That's all I need to know. If you see plot holes and anything major, then point it out. Other than that I'm just so glad you're reading and enjoying the story. :D



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Tue Jul 02, 2019 12:44 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



HELLO! I'm almost caught up and I'm sad but excited and it's a WHIRLWIND OF EMOTIONS.

Interesting how he's already calling the cave home. He literally only slept there one night BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S HOME! Certainly a sanctuary. Also, I think we already have a good idea what kind of creatures might come out at night on this island. I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE EXPERIENCE.

Once again, I just LOVE that you have such a good grasp on the strengths and weaknesses of your dragons. Wisp Talons can camouflage, but it doesn't work in the air. THAT IS SUCH A SOLID TRAIT. I'm so impressed.

What could they have possible done to make the Wisp Talons actively hunt them?


Is it not because they were trespassing and stealing food? I'm still not led to believe it's anything other than that 'cause I feel like that's exactly what Emerald told us a while back.

Besides what good would it do Felistia or Shiraku to act nice towards him if they weren’t that way? What would they gain from it?


This is how almost every clever enemy gets into someone's head. They earn your trust and take you down when you least expect it. So in this case, they'd "act" nice to gauge who Zoltar is, what his true story is, if he'd make a great ally in whatever scheme they may have, or perhaps even eat him 'cause THEY'RE CANNIBAL DRAGONS OMFFFFFF but basically, this is actually a valid move for an enemy that Zoltar would be aware of, whether he believes in the chances of it happening or not.

He could usually sense when something was amiss and nothing had felt wrong or fake with Felistia when he’d talked to her.


I LIKE THIS. This has been proven true, and the Scorpus situation is a great example. He knew something was off, despite Scorpus not doing anything about it. He has good instincts and we've seen that ourselves. SO THIS IS AWESOMELY TRUE.

LOL poor Zoltar is just getting ambushed left and right. It's almost ironic after having explained how he had good instincts. He seems to get surprised a lot. XD He must not have great self-awareness or something.

Bahahahah I love this banter. It feels so natural and fun and goofy.

Do they just sleep wherever they please? I'm just curious 'cause I expected Felistia to fly back to wherever she was, unless she had just entered the cave rather than flying toward them from deeper inside. Or maybe this cave is smaller than I thought it was.

Tomorrow, he will surely get his scale! I wonder what will come of his new friend Emerald, if we'll see her again. I wonder why Felistia and Shiraku didn't ask where he went? He snuck off this morning, so you'd think they'd have assumed he left for good or something. Or was there an invite to come and go as he pleased? I don't remember. I just figured if I were Shiraku, I'd have assumed Zoltar was gone for good, especially after realizing a Sea Talon and a Shadow Talon would have to learn to get along (and as Shiraku, that would seem like an impossibility).

Looking forward to the next chapterrr!

Jabber, the One and Only!




felistia says...


Thank you for another review. I do hope you'll continue to review. :D

You've given me quite a bit to think about with this chapter. :D



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Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:39 pm
Lib wrote a review...



Hiya feli!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review! Let's get right into it now, shall we? Alright. I like this chapter very much!

And also... The fight Shiraku and Zoltar have... That made me laugh so hard!! XD You're doing such a gret job with the book and your plot is so perfect and it's obvious you've got everything perfectly planned out. Great job with that! :smt023

Anyways, critiquing time. :)

He set off in the direction of the Felisita’s cave.


No need for the here.

Orange flames of light licked his onyx scales as the sun’s raze lifted off the sea and shadows replaced the departing light.


Raze actually means like something dangerous. I'm pretty sure the word you want to use here is rays.

What could they have possible done to make the Wisp Talons actively hunt them?


Possibly. Not possible. That word wouldn't suit this context.

He scanned the area, letting he amethyst eye beams run over the walls and boulders.


The bold word needs to be turned into the. I think that would make much more sense.

His heart thundered in his ears as his already razor sharp nerves sent adrenalin racing through his body.


This sentence doesn't seem to make sense. And the bold word is spelt incorrectly. [/b]Adrenaline[/b]. You just forgot the e.

He was almost relived when Felistia swooped in through the vines, making them sway from side to side.


Relived is very much a word, but I think you meant relieved.

Zoltar flatted his ears, his eyes lowered.


Flattened or flatted? Flattened, I'm pretty sure.

Just forget about.


About what?

A lot had happened today, but somehow he felt like he’d got nowhere.


He'd gotten nowhere. That'd make some more sense.

He’d only been here one day and he’d running into a Wisp Talon and had got away with all his scales intact.


Uhhh, running wouldn't quite make sense here. How about just run?

That's it. And also, just a little question that popped into my head was: Why are they fighting? Like all the dragons. The Wisp, Shadow, etc. What happened? I don't think you've given much of a back story. Also, if you were to give a backstory at some point, then I'd suggest making it a sort of flashback. If Zoltar lived through it, that is. Or maybe the chief of the Shadow Talons maybe gives him some sort of history lesson? Something like that, ya know?

That's it for my review! Hope this helped. If you have any questions, you know what to do. Ask.

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




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Tue Jun 25, 2019 5:40 am
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Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Hey there! Toboldlygo here with a review for you!

Wow, I've really fallen behind. The first thing I noticed, though, was that Zoltar is terrified of whatever may come out at night. But... Zoltar is a dragon. I personally am of the persuasion that dragons don't really need to be afraid of pretty much anything out there. It would be really nice to know what kind of creatures are out there that could harm or terrify a dragon, because that must be a pretty impressive monster.

I noticed a few nitpickies. For example, in this line, "He’d only been here one day and he’d running into a Wisp Talon and had got away with all his scales intact," I noticed that you probably meant to say that he had run into a Wisp Talon, not that he had running. A little thing, but something I noticed.

I'm becoming more and more intrigued as to what actually is the difference between these dragons. There seems to be some minor physical features that are different, but then they are otherwise similar? I don't really understand why they are warring with each other. Are they differing tribes with some bloody history? They seem to hate each other for no apparent reason, and it'd be great to learn more about that.

Overall, great chapter! I look forward to reading more!

Happy Writing!

Toboldlygo





The reason a boat sinks isn't the water around it. It sinks when water gets into it. Don't let what's happening around you weigh you down.
— dalisay