Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
So penultimate review for the day I think.
First Impression: This sounds a touch like a filler. Some nice little sentiments here and there hidden quite deep but overall it felt like nothing happened in the chapter. Almost no plot development or character development.
The sounds of the forest had warped from sweet chirps and whistles to a more threatening tune. Insects started to play their music from the leaves on the trees, their sounds traveling through the hazy air like the shaky notes from a violin. The shrill calls of the night creatures filled the air as they began to stir. Robins called from the tree tops, their songs like a band of flutes and whistles cutting through the evening air, while the black bird’s rich melodies seemed to float through the canopy.
As always beautiful descriptions.
He set off in the direction of the Felisita’s cave.
That word should be chopped I think.
Thoughts whirled through his head as he flew. Why had Emerald just let him go like that? At first he’d thought it was to follow him back to the cave, but he hadn’t seen her. Once he was in the air he was sure she wasn’t following. He knew her tribe was part of the chameleon class of dragons and they couldn’t camouflage properly once air born. She couldn’t possibly be following him from the ground. It was too far and he was going too fast. So what other reason was there to letting him go? He just couldn’t make sense of it.
More subtle hints of the abilities of the Wisp Talons.
Orange flames of light licked his onyx scales as the sun’s raze lifted off the sea and shadows replaced the departing light. The forest below him was a rich amber olive in the suns dying gleam.
I don't think raze is the right word here. Raze means to destroy. So this sounds like the sun if trying to burn Zoltar and destroy him. I think you meant rays.
He found himself sighing, almost laughing at his paranoia. He was just making assumptions. Besides what good would it do Felistia or Shiraku to act nice towards him if they weren’t that way? What would they gain from it?
In any case Shiraku wasn’t doing a very good job of it if she was pretending. She’d been down right hostile towards him the night before. Felistia on the other paw had been rather nice, but it had felt so natural. He could usually sense when something was amiss and nothing had felt wrong or fake with Felistia when he’d talked to her.
This is all good but it does seem strange how much he trusts these two dragons, especially Felistia after only the one day.
Suddenly something seized his neck and slammed him to the rock floor, making his head spin. His heart thundered in his ears as his already razor sharp nerves sent adrenalin racing through his body.
For someone who is meant to be a good soldier this guy sure gets jumped a lot.
Shiraku dramatically lit up her scales so that her scowling face shimmered in an eerie blue glow.
This just made me smile. I don't know why.
Exhaustion seemed to flood over Zoltar as he lay down near the caves entrance and he was surprised at how tired he was. A lot had happened today, but somehow he felt like he’d got nowhere. He still didn’t have a scale and now the Wisp Talons knew he was on the island.
It wasn’t going that badly though. He’d only been here one day and he’d running into a Wisp Talon and had got away with all his scales intact. Things could have gone a lot worse. Still, he hoped that tomorrow would bring better results.
Zoltar yawned and closed his eyes. Almost immediately sleep swept over him, washing away the day’s aches and worries.
Nice little rest as an ending. Good changeup after all the cliffhangers.
And that's it.
Overall: Like I said earlier not much happened here but it was as usual well written and with lovely imagery. This chapter should have a bit more development I think. But still the plot appears to be going in a really good direction and you've got everything planned out by the sound of it. Let's see how this continues.
Anyway as always Take what you think helps and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 253913
Reviews: 4100
Donate