The ground was damp under Zoltar’s paws as he crept through the undergrowth. He was almost to the other side of the grove, just a little further. So far the herd of antelope hadn’t sensed him or the others. If he could just make it to the other side, he was sure he’d be able to make a kill.
His stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten since returning to the Shadow Lands over a week ago and he was starting to feel the gnawing effects of hunger. He could hardly wait he was so ravenous, but he knew it was too early to signal Felistia and Shiraku. He had to get closer.
The seconds inched by so slowly, but eventually Zoltar reached the other side of the clearing. He could just see through the trees. The herd was peacefully grazing in the middle of the glade, oblivious to the danger surrounding them. He scanned the other side, but couldn’t make out Felistia or Shiraku’s form.
Part of him was surprised and at the same time relived. He’d had some doubt about leaving them behind. Somehow he’d thought Shiraku would blow the whole thing by charging too early, but they’d stayed put. On top of that they’d stayed completely hidden. It was perfect. Everything was just right for an ambush.
Zoltar arched his neck and let loose a piercing whistle. It swept through the forest, shrill and clear. The effect was almost instantaneous.
Shiraku burst from the trees like an enraged bull, hot steam blasting from her jaws and snout. She bellowed at the top of her lungs as she lunged towards the herd of deer. Felistia sprinted alongside her, shooting bullets of ice.
The antelope cried out in alarm and bolted, heading straight for Zoltar. He crouched, hidden by the foliage bordering the clearing. The herd stampeded towards him, the dust kicked up by their hooves clouding the air. They were almost on top of him. He could see deer rushing past him, disappearing into the trees. None were quite in the right place for him to attack.
All of a sudden a large stag thundered out of the cloud of dust. He was heading straight for Zoltar’s ambush. Zoltar pounced, lunging at the buck just as the creature leapt the bush he was behind.
Zoltar felt his claws close around the stag’s chest and his jaws clamp down on its throat as the two were sent rolling back into the clearing. They came to a skidding halt, the buck kicking out with his hooves, scraping Zoltar’s belly. Zoltar held on and with a quick jerk, broke the stag’s neck with a sickening crack.
In a blink of an eye it was all over. The stag was dead, the herd gone.
Zoltar sat up, panting for breath. Blood coated his mouth, its thick iron taste flooding his senses.
Just then, Felistia and Shiraku emerged from the dust cloud, running towards him.
Shiraku was practically bouncing along, she looked so pleased. Felistia was close behind. When she saw the deer, her face lit up and her pace quickened.
“Did you see me, did you see me?” Shiraku blurted excitedly, “Those antelope didn’t know what hit them. Did you see the look on their faces?”
Zoltar looked at her and nodded, amused at her sudden change of mood, “Yes, Shiraku. You did very well. I couldn’t have done it better.”
Felistia padded up to him, brushing wings, “Thank you Zoltar. We would never have been able to do that without you. I can’t believe you managed to take down that stag by yourself.”
“It was nothing,” Zoltar said, standing up. He hissed, recoiling in pain. He clasped a paw to his belly on instinct. Tentatively he pulled it away and looked at it. It had blood smeared across it.
“You’re hurt,” Felistia gasped.
“It’s just a little scratch from the struggle. It will heal,” Zoltar got to his feet, cringing at the sharp pain racing across his abdomen.
“You shouldn’t have gone for such large prey. You wouldn’t have been hurt.”
Zoltar smiled at her, “Don’t worry about me,” he looked over at the deer. Shiraku had dragged it to the edge of the clearing and already began feeding, “Come, we should eat now. That hunt made quite a bit of noise. The sound could have alerted other predators in the area. We shouldn’t hang around any longer than necessary.”
Felistia nodded, but she kept eyeing his wound as they ate.
…
As the afternoon wore on black clouds began to roll in from the northern mountain’s peak. The sky grew dark and the air became heavy with the scent of rain.
Suddenly the still air seemed to tremble and a rumble shot through the forest, shaking the leaves on the trees. Mist snaked through the trees like serpents ready to strike.
“We should head back,” Felistia said just as the first raindrops began to fall.
“But what about the food? We can’t just leave it here,” Shiraku said, looking at the churning sky.
“It should be light enough for me to carry by now.”
“No, Zoltar. You’ve done enough today. I’ll carry it.” Felistia said, latching onto the carcass with her claws.
The shadows had grown longer and there was another growl from the canopy. The sound of rain drumming on leaves filled Zoltar’s ears and the smell of wet earth flooded his snout. There was a flash of white, lighting up the sky above. A deafening crash followed.
“We need to hurry. Shiraku can’t fly long in heavy rain,” Felistia spread her wings, the silver scales practically glowing in the dim light.
Suddenly the forest around them erupted with the sound of shrill shrieks and snarls. It was all around them, bouncing off the trunks of the trees and back.
“What is that?” Zoltar asked, glancing at Felistia nervously.
“Forest Raptors,” she snarled, “They’re after the meat. We need to go.” She flapped her wings.
She was just about to lift off the ground when out of the forest sprang a dinosaur like creature, clawed fingers outstretched. It landed on the carcass Felistia was lifting, hissing and spitting at her. The extra weight sent her crashing into the ground. Another two raptors dashed out from among the trees and leapt onto Felistia, snapping at her wings.
“No,” Shiraku shouted, lunging at the creatures, swinging at them with her paddle tail and blasting them with hot steam.
Zoltar joined the fray, snapping at any raptors that came within reach. He didn’t dare use his tail or fire for fear that Felistia or Shiraku might get hurt.
Still more of them emerged from the forest, their golden green scales lit by the flashes of lighting overhead. The air was thick with the shrieks of the raptors and the roars of the dragons.
Finally they managed to beat them back off of Felistia. She scrambled to her feet, snarling.
“Just leave the meat and go. You need to get Shiraku back to the cave before the rain gets too heavy.” Zoltar roared, “I’ll hold them off.”
“But…”
“Just go. I can’t use my barb or fire with you around. I’ll be fine,” Zoltar hissed.
Felistia and Shiraku hesitated for a second, but finally they spread their wings and disappeared into the canopy.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
All righty! I haven't done any reviews in WAY too long, so here goes nothing.
Okay so I started reading this trying to remember what was happening, but I remembered that they were hunting some deer pretty quickly. You described the whole hunting thing quite well I must say.
"Just a little further" reads kinda weirdly the way you have it. I would either change it to "he just had to go a little further" or "'Just a little further,' thought Zoltar."
Good thing he's not a mammal, lol. He would be completely starving by now. Nice little tidbit though.
"In the blink of an eye" is a nice descriptive touch! I like it.
also it should be "The stag was dead, and the herd was gone" for it to be grammatically correct.
lol why does the girl always say "Oh! You're hurt!" and the guy is always like "It's nothing." And then he tries to move and is like "OW!"
Nice description! I like your descriptions.
I like how you added these classic scenes in this chapter, as this is another one, lol. Also Zoltar constantly saying "it's fine" gives him more personality.
Anyway I liked this chapter!
Also, trying to remember what I always say at the end... *looks at last review*
Oh yeah. That is what I always say:
Anyway, that's my review! I hope it was helpful.
Thank you for another review. Glad to have you back.
Well, I didn't leave, exactly, I just was procrastinating my reviews and hanging out in the randomosity forums for several months.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whichever it is in your part of the world),
And the reviewathon continues,
First Impression: Finally Zoltar gets a moment to shine. Also shows how Shiraku is still a pretty young dragon. Also a nice little sequence in general.
That part feels like its unnecessary. If you remove that it would flow much better.
This sentence is a bit awkward. It would be better to write that last part as couldn't make out the forms of Shiraku or Felistia.
Nice to see the different kinds of things they can shoot out. I assume the hot steam from the Sea Talon is helpful in fishing.
That's a great description of that. Also allows us to get an idea for Zoltar's power and size compared to a real world animal that we can understand.
This part is so adorable. It reminds me of a family on a hunt together.
Nice to that Felistia cares about his wound while Shiraku is clearly only bothers about the food. Small point but shouldn't these three able to tear the carcass into smaller pieces(Shiraku is supposed to be pretty strong and even Zoltar who was weaker had no trouble snapping this things neck) and then carry this off to somewhere safer to feed.
Nice to see the different adaptations showcasing strength and weakness. Here it makes the most sense I've seen so far because I assume this is because Shiraku has more finlike wings that don't allow her to fly in the heavy winds.
Since they were here for a few hours by the way you've written it, why did these things take so long to get here?
Fire makes sense but wouldn't poking these creatures with some precision tail whipping be okay especially since he's a soldier and he's probably been trained to use it carefully.
And that's about it. Should be a nice fight in the next chapter.
Overall: Nice little sequence. The dragons are getting over their differences a bit in light of their common goal to survive. The plot is going good so far though I hope Zoltar remembers to get back to his mission soon.
Anyway as always take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you for another review. Again a lot of good points that I'll have to look over again when I edit this chapter.
Your Welcome! Glad that I was of some use!
Hey feli!
Good to see you once again! Hope you're doing well today or tonight depending on what side of the world you are on. I'm here to give you a review.
So, yes! The hunt! It went great! I love it! And, lol, the way Shiraku gets excited like that is so adorable. Hehe. It's so cute. I love the description too. You always do good with it. Also, I love how Zoltar is the hero in this chapter. It's so cool and I love it. I LOVE YOU ZOLTAR!!
I just had two little nitpicks. I'll start right now.
That first bit of the sentence needs to have a period in it. So like this:
"He could hardly wait. He was so ravenous, but he knew it was too early to signal Felistia and Shiraku."
I hope you understand what I mean.
"relived" needs to be "relieved". You just forgot the extra "e" in there.
Anyhoo, I'm done with my review. Hope this helped in one way or the other. If you've got any questions, feel free to ask me. I'm onto the next chapter. Soon - not right now, because I have to do the dishes.
Keep on writing!
~Liberty
GOOD MORNING!!
Yaaaaaaaaaaas let's get us some dinner, leggo.
Omg Zoltar, you probably can't see them 'cause they're not paying attention. THEY'RE PROBABLY TALKING IN A BUSH SOMEWHERE. I don't think this is good, Zoltar. ;.;
oh okay maybe it would work. GO SHIRAKU!
oh man zoltar that is so nasty and AWESOME. GO ZOLTAR!!
omg Felistia is adorably a worry wart now. SHE LIKES HIM. No other explanation! Before she knew him, she was very blunt and nonchalant about having him around. Now she's TOTALLY WORRIED ABOUT HIM AND IT'S ADORABLE.
I love that they just plop down and feast. That is awesome.
YEAH. JUST GO.
ZOLTAR IS SO COOL.
Okay so I love this development because there are now more dangers on this island than just the Wisp Talons. But this danger only appears when there's fresh meat nearby. So they were drawn to the smell of their catch. I guess it wasn't important enough for Felistia to mention earlier before the hunt, or maybe the raptors only come out when it's raining? Maybe we'll learn more about that later.
I don't know why it surprises me that Shiraku can't be in the rain. You'd think a Sea Talon would handle the rain better than the others.
I love how protective Felistia and Shiraku are of their catch while Zoltar is just indifferent about it. This is done really well because it's consistent. Feslistia and Shiraku haven't eaten deer meat in a long time, if ever, and Zoltar eats it regularly. Kudos here as well!
Is it weird that as soon as raptors were mentioned, my brain was like 'omg i want one.'
Zoltar felt so much more like a hero in this chapter, and I'm really pleased by this. For a while, he was just the main character we followed, soldier or not. He rarely has a heroic moment or a moment where he shows off his guns, you know? And here, he's actually putting up a fight, and it's so exciting!!
YOU GO ZOLTAR!
Thank you for another great review.
Shiraku can't handle rain because she's a swimming dragon and has smaller wings to streamline swimming. She has less powerful flight because of that.
I did like giving Zoltar a heroic moment. He's more familiar with the island and there for feels more confident. We'll see how that goes for him in the next chapter.
Thanks again and look forward to your next review.
Ooooh, okay! That makes more sense about Shiraku, I hadn't thought about her wings. I was only thinking muscle and sight.
YES. I hope it turns out well next chapter omggggggg
Yay!Zoltar is playing the brave hero saving the damsels in distress*victory dance*I really enjoyed reading this chap and as you can read i am so glad that Zoltar is finally steppen up.Shiraku's sudden change of mood made me laugh so hard.She was pleased like a little toddler which was so cute.I am really happy to see this childish part of her personality.I think slowly she is opening up and putting past the differences.The motherly side of felistias personality in this chap amused me.Basically i really like that you are telling more about each of their individual personalities.I also really enyoed the whole fight part you described it so well i felt super satisfied.I hope Zoltars wound does not get too bad.Like always you beautifully managed the descriptions.Just a few insignificant mistakes i noticed aree
It would be better if it wasHe was so ravenous he could hardly wait
I feel like so is unecessary here.
A Typo it is relieved
And thats it
Keep up the Excellent work
peace out
Thank you so much for a review. Glad you liked the chapter.