z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Quest for Fire - Into the Mists - Chapter Twenty Two

by felistia


Zoltar stirred a few hours later. The lights of the cavern had dimmed slightly and off in the distance he could hear the faint melodies of birds.

Yawning, Zoltar got to his feet and stretched, flexing his claws. Then it dawned on him. There was no pain. His wings and back felt … normal.He spread one wing and inspected it. Red streaks of healing tissue had replaced the open wounds from the night before. Zoltar couldn’t believe it. Other than that and the faint throb along his left wing, he would have never guessed that he’d been wounded the night before.

Then he remembered Emerald. It was because of her that he was healing this fast. He looked across the cavern. She was resting in a bed of green vines, her scales a rolling ocean of azure and amethyst waves.

She glanced over at him, “Morning. Feeling better.”

“Yes. Thank you,” Zoltar padded over to her, “I can’t believe it worked so well. I thought that they’d help last night, but this is amazing. How can I thank you?”

“Having someone to talk to is enough,” she smiled, sitting up, “Just don’t let me find you looking like that again.”

Zoltar smiled sheepishly as he and Emerald slowly walked towards the entrance to the cave.

Sunlight was flooding through the opening, lighting up the soft brown tones throughout the rock walls. Just outside, the sweet songs of birds floated through the crisp morning air. The golden light of the sun danced along the beads of dew hanging from the trees bright green leaves.

“So, will I see you again?” Zoltar asked, turning to Emerald.

She looked away from him, smiling, “Well if I can’t get you to leave the island, I guess I might as well check on you once in a while since you seem to have a knack for getting into trouble. I'll visit the Lake of Rippling Glass to the South every day when the sun is at its highest. If you need me, I’ll be there for half an hour every day. Be careful though as sometimes I’m not alone. Check before you land.”

“Thanks Emerald,” Zoltar batted her wing with his, “I guess I’ll see you around then?”

“Yah,” Emerald spread her wings, the sapphire scales sparkling in the dawn light as she lifted off, “Be safe,” she called as she cleared the trees and rose skyward.

Zoltar watched as she flew off into the distance. Breathing a shaky sigh he started to pick his way down the mountain side.

Soon the rocky alpine slopes gave way to thick forest once more. Zoltar took a deep breath of the cool morning air. The rich scent of moss and turned dirt filled his lungs as he walked. He felt so much better. Apart from the occasional dull ache he felt perfect.

The sun was rising quickly and already blades of golden light were piercing through the canopy above him. He planned to head back to the clearing. It was early morning and Shiraku and Felistia might be looking for him. He secretly hoped they were, but knew that the likelihood of them searching for him was slim. They hadn’t known each other for that long and there didn’t seem to be much reason for them to look for him. He’d been the one to offer to protect them. That didn’t mean they’d do the same.

Maybe they were a little worried about him though, just a little. He had risked his scales for them. That must mean at least a little to them.

Zoltar rolled his eyes and huffed in slight amusement at himself. What did it matter if they were worried or not? He was fine, thanks to Emerald, and didn’t need their help right now, so what was he getting himself all worked up over? Besides, there wasn’t anything he could do to change it either way. He’d just have to get to the clearing and see for himself.

It would be nice of them to be looking for him though. It had been a long time since he’d had any friends and had kind of started to think of Felistia as a friend. Shiraku he’d just been trying to get along with, but he’d started to like Felistia. She was a nice dragoness and he’d had a good talk with her the night before the hunt. He just hoped he hadn’t been naive to think of her that way.

Before long the clearing yawned before him, the thick forest breaking into clear open grass.

Zoltar scanned from the forests edge. The glade was empty, but he was cautious. Anything could be lurking in the trees beyond and the last thing he wanted was to end up like the deer he’d stalked the day before.

He watched for a few moments, searching for signs of movement, but all was still. The grass was soft under his paws as he silently crept out of the trees.

He was trying not to think about it, but he was a little disheartened that Felistia and Shiraku weren’t here. He’d know it was slim, but he’d still hoped they’d be here.

Suddenly, there was a rush of air above him as a shadow sped past. Startled, Zoltar shot a fire ball skyward and turned to dash back into the forest, his heart pounding with fright.

“Hey! Watch where you’re throwing those things,” a familiar husky voice shouted.

Zoltar skidded to a halt, “Shiraku?” He looked up. The Sea Talon was hovering overhead, a scowl plastered over her snout.

“You can’t even shoot straight. That fire ball missed by a mile. It’s just as well I’m not a real threat, Shadow Talon.” Her scowl transformed into an amused grin.

Zoltar rolled his eyes, but smiled, “You gave me a fright. What did you expect?”

“That a so called "superior" Shadow Talon like you would be able to detect a flappy Sea Wing like me before I was right on top of you.” Shiraku scoffed. She twisted her head to look back towards the mountain and yelled, "Found him,"

A few seconds later an answering roar thundered across the forest.

"Felistia will be here in a moment. She insisted we look for you this morning," Shiraku landed with a thump, growling, “She's been talking my ear off about you all night.”

Zoltar opened his mouth to answer, but was cut short as the Felistia swooped into land with a joyful roar, “Zoltar.”

“Speak of the devil,” Shiraku said, flaring her ocean blue head spikes.

“You’re alright,” Felistia bounded over and gently swatted him with her wing, “Where were you last night? We were so worried.”

“We?” Shiraku raised an eye crest and huffed, “You know what, I’ll just be over here. I’ve had enough “Where is Zoltar?” for one day.” She walked a little way off, ignoring them as she proceeded to roll in the soft green grass.

Zoltar and Felistia watched her go, their eye crests arched. Zoltar’s head was whirling. He couldn’t tell them about Emerald, not after what happened to Shiraku’s father. They might not react well and it was too complicated to explain right now. He’d have to make something up.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come back last night. The storm got worse and I couldn’t fly through it. I had to seek shelter for the night. I’m alright though.”

“But all those raptors? Didn’t they hurt you? You don’t have a mark on you. Not that I’m complaining,” Felistia said, looking him up and down.

“I’m a good fighter and the storm helped confuse them,” Zoltar hoped she’d buy it. It was the best he could come up with such short notice. He probably should have been thinking of a better excuse on his way down the mountain, but somehow the thought had escaped him.

Felistia sat back, eyeing him with her shimmering gold eyes. Zoltar tried his best to look sincere, but it felt like she was reading his mind as she stared straight through him. Finally she broke her gaze and smiled, “Just glad that you’re okay.”

Zoltar breathed an inward sigh of relief.

“You know what you did was very brave. Don’t let Shiraku fool you. It’s not every day a Shadow Talon offers to help a Sea Talon. She was worried about you too.”

Zoltar looked down at his paws, his ears hot, “I wasn’t even thinking about that. I just wanted to help my friends. You are my friends’ right?”

Felistia beamed, nodding, “Of course. Don’t tell Shiraku though. She’ll deny it to the grave.”

Zoltar snorted, “That sounds like Shiraku.”

“We wanted to head down to the lake today. You want to come?” Felistia asked, batting his wing as she walked towards Shiraku.

“Sure. I’d like that.”


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Thu Aug 06, 2020 8:01 pm
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Necromancer14 wrote a review...



Well, here's another chapter, with Zoltar and company back together.

Anyway, here's my review:

Okay so this was another great chapter, though it lacked a lot of the wonderful descriptions in some of your other chapters. Also those healing flowers seems extremely interesting. Some dragon could get rich if they decided to sell that stuff...

Also, Zoltar has a habit of thinking people are meaner than they really are. I mean, why on Earth wouldn't Felistia and Shiraku go looking for him? Unless they were completely heartless, of course. But obviously they're not. Maybe it's because he's not a very nice person himself, and he's surprised that everyone is being nicer to him than he would be to them? But so far he's seemed extremely nice and selfless, so I dunno his reasoning.

Plus why would he lie about Emerald? I mean I SORT of see why, but what's wrong with saying one of the Wisp Talons is nicer than the others? Or maybe there's a different reason I didn't see?

I also liked Shiraku's interaction with Zoltar, that made me laugh. And I can definitely see a budding romance between Zoltar and Felistia.

Anyway, that's my review! I hope it was helpful.




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Wed Jun 17, 2020 10:43 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever it is in your part of the world),

Marching on,

First Impression: Some nice character growth. The unlikely trio forms though I suspect some serious friction in the friendships will be coming when the other two find out about Emerald.

Yawning, Zoltar got to his feet and stretched, flexing his claws. Then it dawned on him. There was no pain. His wings and back felt … normal.He spread one wing and inspected it. Red streaks of healing tissue had replaced the open wounds from the night before. Zoltar couldn’t believe it. Other than that and the faint throb along his left wing, he would have never guessed that he’d been wounded the night before.


Now later in the chapter you mention that there was no mark whatsoever on him when Felistia looks him over for injuries. So this healing tissue part seems to have been forgotten.

Then he remembered Emerald. It was because of her that he was healing this fast. He looked across the cavern. She was resting in a bed of green vines, her scales a rolling ocean of azure and amethyst waves.


That's a beautiful description again. The Wisp Talons' camouflage ability makes for some great visuals.

She looked away from him, smiling, “Well if I can’t get you to leave the island, I guess I might as well check on you once in a while since you seem to have a knack for getting into trouble. I'll visit the Lake of Rippling Glass to the South every day when the sun is at its highest. If you need me, I’ll be there for half an hour every day. Be careful though as sometimes I’m not alone. Check before you land.”


This could be due to the shared grief but they are pretty chummy for two dragons that have only shared like two conversations.

It would be nice of them to be looking for him though. It had been a long time since he’d had any friends and had kind of started to think of Felistia as a friend. Shiraku he’d just been trying to get along with, but he’d started to like Felistia. She was a nice dragoness and he’d had a good talk with her the night before the hunt. He just hoped he hadn’t been naive to think of her that way.


Its nice to see him start to consider them as friends.

“Hey! Watch where you’re throwing those things,” a familiar husky voice shouted.

Zoltar skidded to a halt, “Shiraku?” He looked up. The Sea Talon was hovering overhead, a scowl plastered over her snout.

“You can’t even shoot straight. That fire ball missed by a mile. It’s just as well I’m not a real threat, Shadow Talon.” Her scowl transformed into an amused grin.

Zoltar rolled his eyes, but smiled, “You gave me a fright. What did you expect?”

“That a so called "superior" Shadow Talon like you would be able to detect a flappy Sea Wing like me before I was right on top of you.” Shiraku scoffed. She twisted her head to look back towards the mountain and yelled, "Found him,"


Nice little bit of conversation. Shows that Shiraku is starting to come around on her beliefs about Shadow Talons.

"Felistia will be here in a moment. She insisted we look for you this morning," Shiraku landed with a thump, growling, “She's been talking my ear off about you all night.”


I think this should be "She talked my year off about you all night." because at the moment it is the next morning and the night would be in the past.

“You’re alright,” Felistia bounded over and gently swatted him with her wing, “Where were you last night? We were so worried.”

“We?” Shiraku raised an eye crest and huffed, “You know what, I’ll just be over here. I’ve had enough “Where is Zoltar?” for one day.” She walked a little way off, ignoring them as she proceeded to roll in the soft green grass.

Zoltar and Felistia watched her go, their eye crests arched. Zoltar’s head was whirling. He couldn’t tell them about Emerald, not after what happened to Shiraku’s father. They might not react well and it was too complicated to explain right now. He’d have to make something up.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come back last night. The storm got worse and I couldn’t fly through it. I had to seek shelter for the night. I’m alright though.”

“But all those raptors? Didn’t they hurt you? You don’t have a mark on you. Not that I’m complaining,” Felistia said, looking him up and down.

“I’m a good fighter and the storm helped confuse them,” Zoltar hoped she’d buy it. It was the best he could come up with such short notice. He probably should have been thinking of a better excuse on his way down the mountain, but somehow the thought had escaped him.

Felistia sat back, eyeing him with her shimmering gold eyes. Zoltar tried his best to look sincere, but it felt like she was reading his mind as she stared straight through him. Finally she broke her gaze and smiled, “Just glad that you’re okay.”


Nice little bit of bonding here. Good to start to care about each other slowly.

And another small point. What about his wound from the stag that they hunted? If I recall correctly that was bleeding and Felistia was glancing at it quite a few times while they were heating. And now it must have also healed and somehow Felistia fails to notice the disappearance of that wound.

And that's it.

Overall: Nice little segment showcasing the budding friendships. Judging by how this is paced it looks like the actual quest won't get to happen till the second book and this book will end with the Wisp Talon scale being found.

Anyway as always remember to take what you think helps and forget the rest..

Stay Safe
Harry




felistia says...


Thank you for another review. You have a good point regarding the wounds. I'll have to include more about that when I get to editing.



KateHardy says...


Your Welcome!!



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Wed Aug 07, 2019 12:22 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



Red streaks of healing tissue had replaced the open wounds from the night before. Zoltar couldn’t believe it. Other than a faint throb along his left wing, he would have never guessed that he’d been wounded the night before.


This contradicts itself! We can see the red scars/scabs still, so it's that along with the faint throbbing that he can tell he was wounded the night before. It doesn't really indicate that the scabs were so far along the healing process that they were barely visible, otherwise the red streaks would also be faint.

She was resting in a bed of green vines, her scales a rolling ocean of azure and amethyst waves.


SHE SOUNDS SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL.

It seems so utterly convenient that Emerald is at this particular spot at this particular lake at this particular time every single day. And not only that, she knows. XD But I wonder if that adds to her character, like she's very OCD about keeping a schedule? Is she very organized?

I like that Zoltar acknowledges the slim likelihood of Shiraku and Felistia looking for him. Felistia might, from the reader's perspective, but would Shiraku? Even after the hunting scene, do these dragons care enough about Zoltar that they'd go looking for him? At this point, it's a safe guess that they wouldn't! Especially after being promptly ambushed by a flock of raptors because this newbie dragon felt like he could teach them to hunt! We don't know how those two are feeling after the hunt/attack, so now I'm just excited to see how this will turn out. (From a reader's perspective, there's still a chance that they did go looking for them, but it's all speculation as we haven't seen them since they ran from the raptors.)

“You can’t even shoot straight. That fire ball missed by a mile. It’s just as well I’m not a real threat, hey Zoltar.” Her scowl transformed into an amused grin.


Holy cow, is Shiraku suddenly talkative. XD She must seriously like Zoltar a lot more after that hunt. (She was SO ADORABLE, so.)

“That you’d be able to detect a flappy Sea Wing like me with ease.” Shiraku teased, landed with a thump, “Why didn’t you come back last night? Felistia talked my ear off with worry.”


Well, he did, Shiraku. He shot a fireball in your direction. He just couldn't see you through the foliage.

I DUNNO, FELISTIA. Shiraku was REALLY talkative just now, so I'm pretty sure she cares about Zoltar more than she did before. She used to just not talk at all. She'd scowl and turn her back on him. Now she's the one telling him about Felistia -- IT'S ALL THERE. SHE WAS WORRIED.

It was kind of silly to see Shiraku just, like, yeah imma be over here now. Then starts rolling around like a dog. xD I think Shiraku just seems remarkably out of character at the very same time as Felistia and Zoltar try to keep her in character. We want to see Shiraku show a little worry, I think, an indication of character development where she unintentionally likes Zoltar despite his Shadow Talon roots, but she was never so talkative in front of him, nor did she ever really let her guard down so much before.

Ooh, so Shiraku and Felistia were headed to the lake! So how did... Shiraku see him exactly? I guess I pictured the trees were in the way, so Zoltar couldn't see who was above him, but something fell down in front of him. Did Shiraku notice something moving in the trees and made an airborne attack in Zoltar's direction? And then Felistia stopped flying because Shiraku was attacking something and disappeared into the trees? I guess I'm a little unclear as to how the two stumbled into Zoltar.

BUT I AM GLAD THEY DID! <3 <3 <3




felistia says...


Thank you again for another review. I've been really busy lately and so haven't been able to be on the site.

I've done some editing to fix the mistakes you pointed out. I've changed Shiraku's conversation with Zoltar so that it seems less friendly and a bit more mocking if that's the right word.

Thanks again.



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Tue Aug 06, 2019 1:35 am
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Zrillis wrote a review...



All i have read is this chapter and im not much for this type of fantasy work but the description and detail is great. A few parts felt slightly unnecessary but aside from those i enjoyed this. I got a good taste for the scenes and for Emeralds appearance. The dialogue is brief in the first scene and very simple but it works well.

The dialogue in scene two is a bit much for me. If you can say things in few words it works better in the written word as far as this type of writing goes.

Keep it up and work hard !




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Mon Aug 05, 2019 9:15 pm
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DottieSnark wrote a review...



Hi! So I've only read this chapter, but I think you really have something great here. First of all, you write some amazing imagery. This couple of lines really painted a picture in my head.

He spread one wing and inspected it. Red streaks of healing tissue had replaced the open wounds from the night before. Zoltar couldn’t believe it. Other than a faint throb along his left wing, he would have never guessed that he’d been wounded the night before.


That's a beautiful visual that told me everything I needed to know about Zoltar's injury.

I also thought you did a great job with the dialogue and action between Zoltar and Emerald.

The second scene in this chapter, though felt a little too weighed down by the dialogue. It felt like a lot of summarizing what had previously happened and talking about their feelings but nothing really happens. I have to ask, what was the point of this scene? What plot point (and character/relationship arcs count as plot points) are you trying to move forward? Make that shine. Make that the focus.





But answer me this: how can a story end happily if there is no love?
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane