You’re beautiful without even trying.
Your rattiest clothes are angel’s garb.
The dirt on your face is more fitting than
any rouge or blush you could apply.
You sit there, and I blush,
Sleep, and I watch,
Walk, and I cannot help but follow
your steps with my eyes,
wanting to follow, wishing to be by your side.
You speak, and I melt,
craving to hear you speak again,
Laugh, and suddenly I can’t focus,
Sing, and all goes silent for me but your voice,
as all that fills my ears is your song,
and all else dies away.
You smile, and I smile too,
not knowing why, and not caring.
My best words fall short, the cleverest phrase
a fool’s stumble through bad grammar.
Your beauty is above words, and yet I try
to describe the indescribable.
For I only portray your beauty better
the worse my striving becomes,
displaying your uncapturable beauty
in my awkward stumblings.
You turn your head, and I am lost
in the way your hair twirls.
You accuse with a laugh that I’m staring-
lost in the blue of your eyes-as only you can,
and I find myself swept further
into the very thing you accuse me of.
What repulses others, attracts me.
Menial tasks aren’t worthy of your hands.
Lowly work elevates you far out of reach,
and anonymity puts you in the forefront of my mind.
Your laugh grates others,
-and sugar makes you hyper-
silent by your feet for hours,
if only to bask in your beauty
and hear you laugh once more.
I’ve failed to capture even the tenth
of your beauty in my mindless meanderings,
And false flow and erratic rhythm can’t convey
in proper style, but for all it’s worth
I’ve tried, and failed, but been content to fail,
Knowing that if I tried any harder,
I’d lose sight of the beauty I intend to capture.
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139,565 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Woah! Such an amazing and touching poem.
I love these lines
"You speak, and I melt,
craving to hear you speak again,
Laugh, and suddenly I can’t focus,"
I can't find any mistakes at the moment. Great grammar you have got there.
KEEP WRITING!
I love your work (y)
Hahaha! I think you should change the genre of realistic to humor.
I also noticed the title of this poem is Lacuna; i.e. Fiera mentioned this in KoB. This was overall a good poem. You make me want to like poetry. But I still ain't convinced.
PS. I would not tear this up if I were you.
One thing. Only one thing I can bring myself to say about this piece . . . that's bad, that is. Hyphens need to be doubled when separating words--or ideas, like so. Otherwise they just connect words in colloquial-sounding ways, like so. But I can bring myself to say so much about this poem that is excellent!
Tear it up? TEAR it UP? No! I refuse. Now that I've read it, I see that it is all that I want to tell a certain somebody, but, alas, cannot. If you weren't thinking about a special someone when you wrote this, your "idée fixe," then you have a poetry level of over 9000--at the very least! The detail, the comparison, the humor ("and sugar makes you hyper"), all were amazing to me. I never thought poetry could make me think of someone so perfectly.
Maybe I'm biased, but honestly, you should try writing more poetry!
Wow. This poem is enchanting and beautiful in any way possible! You really captured
Great emotion. I could feel the passion peeking through every word you wrote. Your grammar was great and I liked how you used a variety of different words. The poem was overall great! Keep writing because I'll be reading! Any who-
Molly-
Hello! Gummy's my name, and I'm here to review!
Heh. "Rouge." I see what you did there. -snicker-
Well, it's not like I expected anything less from you, dragonofphoenix! You always give such good reviews, I was dying to see what a work from you was like...
But enough praising the author! It's time for the review!
Okay, so this piece is a little long... it took me a while to read it through, but the grammar is great for such a long piece. (Yes, I even checked to see if "cleverest" was a real word.)
Onto the lesser-praised parts of the review~ Now, the only times I had to stop and re-read the lines were when you'd finish a thought with a comma, for example, and continue with a separate thought on the next line (Examples of this lie in lines... 10 through 13, if I counted correctly). I'd suggest you put a period or a semicolon when you're separating thoughts where commas are involved. It makes the whole thing less confusing to the reader. \
Aside from that, this was a very good read. Keep up the good work, and keep raising the bar! This is Gummy, signing out.
lol
Knight Malachi here to review for Review Day.
) That had to be the most . . . i can't find the right words. Just wow. I cannot put my usual end of Keep it up.
I am claiming this for my badge to review another Green Room Knight, the name of the badge escaping my mind AT THE MOMENT. Ah, es! Fellow in Arms i believe it is. Anyway. . . .
So before I read this i scrolled all the way down and noticed how long this is. you need some spacing, but i do know that that sometimes messes up on here. I myself have had trouble with it on my poem posts so . . .
Wow, talk about . . . romantic?! Whew! That was a tough one to read. (You said i could tear it apart
(Half of this was joking, but it was a pretty deep-in-love poem.)