The boy was four. Said the boy,
“Dreams are real.”
Curt the tutor boxed his ear.
“Dreams are false.
Come with me.”
Curt the tutor took the boy
to a street with an empty strip mall.
Faded were the signs, boarded were the windows,
Vacant the lot lined with weed-choked cracks.
“Look, boy, and see
the end result of dreams.”
.
The boy was nine. Said the boy,
“Dreams can be real.”
Curt the tutor cuffed him.
“Dreams don’t exist.
Come with me.”
Curt the tutor took the boy
to a street bustling in the heart of the city.
Starving, shivering, lay a man on the sidewalk
in threadbare clothes, curled against a duffel bag
Filled with paper. Not the pity of the masses,
but his tossed-away, unwanted art.
“Look, boy, and see
the end result of dreams.”
.
The boy was sixteen. Said the boy,
“Dreams could be real.”
Curt the tutor gripped his shoulder.
“Dreams simply fail.
Come with me.”
Curt the tutor took the boy
to a cubicle zoo, where a man’s face fell
As he listened to the tin-tinged voice
of his wife announce their divorce.
“Look, boy, and see
the end result of dreams.”
.
The boy was a man.
“Are dreams real?” asked Curt the tutor.
The man’s face, debuffed by time, was fixed.
“What are dreams?” said the man.
“The ravings of a lunatic.”
He shook his head and left Curt the tutor.
“I’ve looked, and seen
the end result of dreams.”
Curt the tutor smiled at the man’s words.
.
As he walked down the strip mall street, he heard
a boy say, “Dreams are real.” Then he saw him.
For a space, their eyes locked. The boy smiled.
The man smiled back kindly, said nothing, and walked on.
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139,565 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hi there!
First of all, I really like how the poem is set out. The way you start each stanza with a different age, and gradually increase the ages from when the boy's a child to when he's a man really engages the reader. Secondly, within each stanza, I've spotted several uses of half-rhymes (whether intentionally or not), and this adds to the emphasis of the poem's effect, which again is really good.
On the other hand, you start each stanza pretty much the same, and this can be quite tedious over time. Maybe change the language to show his age in another way. For example:
At nine years old...
When he was sixteen...
Upon turning four...
Other than that, super job. Well done!
Hey, I'm here to give a short review!
I love the message you have here and how you deliver it through simple means. I like the dynamic between the boy and his tutor as well as the ending that includes the boy (who's now a man) with another one who reminds him of himself. However, while I can deduce the fragility of dreams with the title, I'm not sure I get the wordplay in said title with insubstantial being insubstancial. I'm quite lost there and the poem doesn't help me to understand it better.
The strength of this poem, quite frankly, lies on the last stanza. The refusal of the man to deny or refute the boy's statement that dreams are real breaks the consistency of the previous stanzas and gives us something to think about. Does the man think the boy would find out soon enough dreams are real, or does he think there's no need to break the boy's hope when he himself thinks dreams are real? When he says to the tutor, 'I've looked, and seen the end result of dreams', I think there would be times when the instances are that dreams are real and can be real. Despite what Curt has said, there are other examples that portray the realness of dreams.
My suggestion is to limit the number of examples of how the concept of dream being a reality is nothing but a delusion because as of right now, it seems like you're giving us a list of that, and it comes across thin on the surface. If you explore one of the examples, the message can be more poignant and relatable. I should also note that there's a lack of cohesiveness between the examples on how they don't actually relate to each other other than being examples of failed dreams.
I'm guessing you want to type 'for a second', here? Space seems out of place.
And that is all! Despite I have said, there is strength in this poem in its simplicity, and it's something I strive in poetry. Keep up the good job!